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If this was 80's or 90's, I would say duke it out, but in today's age, it really is not worth it. Mike, I can only echo what others have said and that is RUN! get out of there and don't look back. you will NEVER have the full backing of your GF.
Do you think I should do this? Make her decide and if no, move on? In my mind, that's what I believe needs to be done.
Thanks Old Cold
I'm not religious, Mike, but do remember from by upbringing the phrase "forsaking all others"
Unfortunately , that is an easier said than done thing within certain groups. You have to be sure, even if she agrees to do so, that she can live with the ramifications.
If you shows some "balls" but without direct ( and certainly not physical ) conflict, will you garner more respect?
Or will you forever be caught in the middle? None of us on here know all of that.
I think these possibilities have to be discussed with her (not just but maybe,) an ultimatum)to ascertain which way you have to go
I'm not religious, Mike, but do remember from by upbringing the phrase "forsaking all others"
Unfortunately , that is an easier said than done thing within certain groups. You have to be sure, even if she agrees to do so, that she can live with the ramifications.
If you shows some "balls" but without direct ( and certainly not physical ) conflict, will you garner more respect?
Or will you forever be caught in the middle? None of us on here know all of that.
I think these possibilities have to be discussed with her (not just but maybe,) an ultimatum)to ascertain which way you have to go
Yeah I know what you mean. In regards to balls, physically I can maul both of them. I already did a show of force with a forearm strike to the throat of the brother but pulled it right at the last moment. Face to face they don't stand a chance against me, but they are cowardly back attackers. Whenever I get attacked it's never clear cut, and always by surprise.
I've done stare downs, I've done verbal, I've even done a quick show of force. It works at first, but they just won't stop. They constantly probe me to see if I've let things go, and once they determine that, they start back up. Whenever I forgive and say water under the bridge, another attack comes. I know the only thing that will make it stop is if I physically beat one of them down.
OP, why are you with her, if she not only doesn't stick up for you, but believes you to be mentally ill, and in need of professional help? You're wasting your time. Why would you even consider marrying someone like that?
Extricate yourself from these nut jobs ASAP. If your gf asks why you're breaking up with her, tell her it's not a good match, and that you need to find someone, who values you, rather than someone who believes you to be mentally ill. Don't waste any time discussing further.
If the brother bashes you, go to the hospital, or to your doctor, and document it. If he threatens your life, report the threats to the police. Keep a log of incidents, while you're in the process of disengaging entirely. If you get stalked, report that to the police. Police take stalking very seriously. You should get their advice on how to deal with this lunatic brother.
Good luck. Let us know when you've liberated yourself, and put them behind you. You deserve so much better!
OP, why are you with her, if she not only doesn't stick up for you, but believes you to be mentally ill, and in need of professional help? You're wasting your time. Why would you even consider marrying someone like that?
Extricate yourself from these nut jobs ASAP. If your gf asks why you're breaking up with her, tell her it's not a good match, and that you need to find someone, who values you, rather than someone who believes you to be mentally ill. Don't waste any time discussing further.
If the brother bashes you, go to the hospital, or to your doctor, and document it. If he threatens your life, report the threats to the police. Keep a log of incidents, while you're in the process of disengaging entirely. If you get stalked, report that to the police. Police take stalking very seriously. You should get their advice on how to deal with this lunatic brother.
Good luck. Let us know when you've liberated yourself, and put them behind you. You deserve so much better!
Thank you - yes, I do have very bad anxiety and depression, but I believe a good portion of it stems from some of these issues. I stopped taking the medication because of side effects about a year ago.
I enjoy our time together, aside from this 1 issue, we get along perfectly. I like her, and she makes me feel good and supports everything I do.
Another part of me wants me to see this through not to let them win. Not to give them control over my decisions and to not give them the satisfaction of winning.
Everything is great between us, except for the baggage of the family.
But I'm seeing how this one thing kind of trumps everything else.
Sounds like somebody wants to ride in like the White Knight and rescue the fair maiden.
Sorry, reading your posts it sounds like you are equally as bad as the family.
Lets not kid ourselves here, huh, your g/f has got little to do with this, it's a pissing contest between you and her family with her as some sort of trophy.
Do the both of you a favour and find someone else.
Thank you - yes, I do have very bad anxiety and depression, but I believe a good portion of it stems from some of these issues. I stopped taking the medication because of side effects about a year ago.
I enjoy our time together, aside from this 1 issue, we get along perfectly. I like her, and she makes me feel good and supports everything I do.
Another part of me wants me to see this through not to let them win. Not to give them control over my decisions and to not give them the satisfaction of winning.
Everything is great between us, except for the baggage of the family.
But I'm seeing how this one thing kind of trumps everything else.
Thanks for this additional info. It helps us understand you and the situation better.
Here's the thing; if you "see this through", in spite of the nut job (and apparently physically dangerous) family members, AND if she's turning a blind eye to the very serious situation, it means long-term, the relationship won't work out. Here's why:
1. If, at some point, you suggest moving away, Far away, like to another state, to be safe from the threats, she may not agree, if she wants to stay close to family, and she won't understand why you need to put serious mileage between yourself and them. That will be a point of potential conflict between you two.
2. IF, at some point (quite possibly sooner rather than later) you need to report bro to the police, or get a restraining order, the relationship with your gf would likely blow up. Imagine: "Honey, I called the police today about your brother's threats and stalking, to get some advice, and..." "You WHAT!!?? You've taken your weird paranoia too far! I told you to get mental health counseling!" (etc.)
3. And thirdly, you'll never get any sympathy from her, as to what you're going through. The stress and aggravation, etc., will have to be born in stoic silence. Unless you move far away, you'll have to deal with that on a regular basis for the rest of your life, with no support from your beloved. Is this really the kind of future you want?
I can see, now, how it's a tough decision, considering how well you two get along otherwise. But this really is a major obstacle. Over time, having to put up with this, and especially without being able to vent about it at home and get support, will make you ill. This is how illness starts, OP. Even if they don't injure you, the stress will shorten your life. Stress kills, OP, even if in-laws might not.
I'm sorry you're in the position of having to make this decision. But don't discount the hellish side of the total package, here, just because there's a sweet element.The fact is, your gf has divided loyalties. Actually, they're not even divided; they're wholly on the side of her family. Think about that.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-23-2019 at 11:49 AM..
Sounds like somebody wants to ride in like the White Knight and rescue the fair maiden.
Sorry, reading your posts it sounds like you are equally as bad as the family.
Lets not kid ourselves here, huh, your g/f has got little to do with this, it's a pissing contest between you and her family with her as some sort of trophy.
Do the both of you a favour and find someone else.
lol I don't want to ride in a like a White Knight. We've been together for over a decade and I've invested a significant amount of everything into her. I like her a lot.
It's not so easy as to flip a switch on this.
Thanks for responding.
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