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There was a point in my life where I too worried about never finding someone and getting married, and doing what everyone typically wants to do. Graduate, find a great career, find a husband, have kids, live in a big home, with nice cars, and two pets. Sounds pretty simple right? But it's not, and it's honestly not that serious. After a lot of self reflection, I realized how much pressure I was putting on myself and for what? Trying to live the same life everyone else wants to live. Left a mediocre taste in my mouth.
I realized there's a lot of things in life we cannot control. Whether or not we find a partner is one of them. We can't control who we fall for, we can't control how others feel about us, and we certainly can't determine when/if they'll leave us. People are not that great either. A lot of relationships are finite and are not meant to last a life time. They're also not as wonderful as most people make them out to be. They can be very dramatic and a lot of work. They can also be great, if two people are compatible. However, this should not be the end all be all of someone's life for the reasons I listed at the beginning of this paragraph.
It's just not worth stressing about. Upon realizing this, I was able to let go. I try to advise people to keep the above in mind, and try to enjoy a relationships while it lasts, if that's truly what you want. I think people get too hung up on the forever thing, and when it ends, they're crushed and see it as a failure. Relationships run their course just like a lot of things in life. Find your inner peace, your zen. So when you do end up by yourself again, it's not so soul crushing, and it may end up being something you learn to enjoy. There is SO much more to life.
Good luck.
Great post. I try to stay strong, but I guess it stems from me being unhappy with my life as well. I think we all want to have an identity. I am currently going through nursing school and hoping that getting my RN will be the key piece I need in my life so that I will be happy per se. No more being 27 and working low end jobs, have a good career make good money. I spent most of my 20s trying to find myself and figuring out what I want to do with my life. I feel like life gets a lot easier for men when they have a good career.
So I am going through a break up and when I look back on it I am just genuinely sad about the whole situation. I am picky about who I date so I don't date very much, but when I do I tend to get really attached per se. My first break up was really bad it was 2 years and it took me awhile to get over it. My recent one is not that long but I liked her a lot. There are good days and then there are bad days. I don't know how other people get through break ups especially those that ended really bad and have kids involved etc... I equate break ups similar to someone dying in the family. It is an awful feeling and changes you a lot. I think at the moment I have life uncertainties.
I am 27 turning 28 and sometimes I wonder how long till I find someone. I think we all just want someone relatively normal, someone that you enjoy spending your time with, and start a family with. I have many guy friends who are single, some who never had a girlfriend. I tell them just focus on getting a solid career and things will get easier from a dating standpoint from there. I only have one friend who just got engaged and has a kid. Things started to change for him once he got a solid career. I think going through a divorce would be devastating, don't know how other people deal with it. Hopefully by the time I finish with school and have a solid career my dating life will get easier. Typically the girls that want to date me aren't very quality girls and for me I try to do the right things. Like I work on my hygiene, personality, dress well, try to get a solid education, and work out a lot. I did the whole single thing for awhile, just work on yourself get hobbies enjoy life, but at a certain point finding someone and marriage creeps in. Relatives and other friends are getting married or at the very least have a serious relationship with. Just my general thoughts. I just hope that having a solid career as a nurse will be the answer to my troubles. Figure people who are much wiser and have more life experience than me could provide their thoughts.
Why do you have such a hard time getting over it? When you have broken up are you learning from those experiences to make yourself a better person and also adjusting your filtering criteria at the start?
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and will always solve the problems of the human race.
CALVIN COOLIDGE
Why do you have such a hard time getting over it? When you have broken up are you learning from those experiences to make yourself a better person and also adjusting your filtering criteria at the start?
I think there is a combination of things. It has been about 2 months post break up and my feelings are not as bad as before but i still think about her. I still see her all the time in class, there is not much things to do here since I am in a rural area, we have similar friend groups, she lives right near me, and I don't have a lot of friends here so that makes it harder. When I think I look back at the whole situation I am just sad it turned out this way.
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