Ladies, what mistakes do your potential suitors make early on? (boyfriend, girlfriend)

[stevie60]

I have always had a smile worth hiding and I did. Crooked teeth and lots of metal in there. Next month I am getting all of it rebuilt. 8 crowns I think and a new bridge. Having a perfect smile is costing me enough to buy a new car. So if you think taking care of your teeth is optional? A big bag of money just so my teeth or poor smile won't be a turn off.



This topic is real and very silly at the same time. With a pen pal or even just a friend and on this board we talk about sex with little in the way of a filter. But talk about it with a person you just started dating or have not even met yet? This is taboo. She will dump you in a heartbeat.



I make zero innuendo in my profile. I am not going to talk about it until she does. And to me this is absolutely absurd. It makes as little sense as waiting for your wedding night to lose your virginity?



What if the two of you don't fit? What if one of you has some weird fetish that you cannot deal with.


What if I date someone for several dates and when it finally gets to the bedroom she thinks of herself as a dominatrix and prefers to beat her men senseless before she "allows" them to kiss her feet? I am just not into feet.

[Jezku]

that respectful listening means i just 'agreed' with everything they said.

[Sydney123]

When I was 21 I went out with a guy and on the very first date he started telling me how much he liked me and how he wanted he wanted to have kids with me. Lol
That was our first and last date. He did text me later and apologized for coming on so strong about having kids, but he was ready to settle down and he wanted to make sure I was compatible.. and wanted kids too. I blocked him after the text.

[homina12]

Is this really how it is still? Like with grownups? Guys are like supplicants or struggling actors? Because it still sounds like men are seeking grace or trying out for a part in a woman's play.

-You show up for the audition on time
-You dress for the part you're reading for
-You hit your mark
-If you're lucky enough to get some direction, you take it without any question or complaint
-If you don't get the part, thank her and move on (OK, that's probably cool)


I'm not especially confident and I've never really understood, from a woman's perspective, why one would want to be with me. Not in a woe is me sort of a way, but more in a, "how do bees fly when they don't appear to be designed to fly?" sort of way. I'm a pretty non aerodynamic bee.

But with all that when I was getting to know my current partner, although she was almost certainly evaluating me, I could have given a ****** **** whether she thought I was right for the part. I was too busy deciding whether she was.

I think I just discovered something.

[Submariner]

Originally Posted by Jezku

that respectful listening means i just 'agreed' with everything they said.

Empathy

I can listen to what a person is saying, while trying to empathize with their life, without agreeing with their life choices.

A young couple moved into our town last year. They [plural] have visited us for dinner once, and we are expecting them [plural] over again next weekend. The 'wife' is a transwoman, she used to be a man. I would never want to become a woman. But a part of being a friend is being nice to a person, asking how they are doing and having empathy with their experiences. The transwoman prefers for me to use non-gender pronouns, which I find difficult to do. 'They' [singular] friended me on Facebook and we ['they' and myself] have had many conversations and a wide variety of topics. 'they' [singular] are open to discussing all the questions that I have had. I try to give them [singular] respect and to be understanding of their plight.

Listening and caring does not mean that you agree with another persons choices.

[Submariner]

Originally Posted by Sydney123

When I was 21 I went out with a guy and on the very first date he started telling me how much he liked me and how he wanted he wanted to have kids with me. Lol
That was our first and last date. He did text me later and apologized for coming on so strong about having kids, but he was ready to settle down and he wanted to make sure I was compatible.. and wanted kids too. I blocked him after the text.

In 1981, I asked a truckstop waitress to go out on a date. On our second or third date, I told her about the kind of life I wanted to have in the future. I wanted to own a farm, to have a big garden, some chickens and livestock, maybe solar-power, and a bunch of children.

In 1981 this was not a popular kind of idea. Whenever I had mentioned it before to any girl I dated, that usually ended the relationship. I was a whacko and they did not want to be involved with a whacko.

But this waitress, she said that she could see herself dedicating her life to achieving that same goal. In 6 months we were married, and we have been married for 37 years.

Sometimes telling a date what your goals are, can be worth it.

[M3 Mitch]

Originally Posted by Submariner

Empathy

I can listen to what a person is saying, while trying to empathize with their life, without agreeing with their life choices.

A young couple moved into our town last year. They [plural] have visited us for dinner once, and we are expecting them [plural] over again next weekend. The 'wife' is a transwoman, she used to be a man. I would never want to become a woman. But a part of being a friend is being nice to a person, asking how they are doing and having empathy with their experiences. The transwoman prefers for me to use non-gender pronouns, which I find difficult to do. 'They' [singular] friended me on Facebook and we ['they' and myself] have had many conversations and a wide variety of topics. 'they' [singular] are open to discussing all the questions that I have had. I try to give them [singular] respect and to be understanding of their plight.

Listening and caring does not mean that you agree with another persons choices.

The trouble with this is "they" is plural. I bet they don't want to be called "it" although that would be the grammatically correct word. Although IIRC in German it's correct to address someone you don't know too well as "they".



My general discomfort with "trans" people is that they insist that they are something that they are not. When I was 4 or 5 I wanted to grow up to be a Tyrannosaurus. I pretended I was one. That's OK when a kid is like less than 6 years old, but it ought to end by then. As Popeye said "I yam what I yam!" - and so are we all. Play the cards you have been dealt, dammit.



To wander a bit farther off topic, I can really see why at least some military people don't want to serve with "trans" people. I would not want to depend on people who have a loose grasp on reality, particularly say on a submarine, where one good screw-up by almost anybody is enough to get *everybody* killed. Even in peacetime, good weather, at moderate depth near Pearl Harbor, for example. I never went there but a lot of friends have, I have heard the stories.



To loop back to the OP, I would think that most women prefer a man who has a firm grasp on reality, knows what he is and what he is not, and does not pretend to be what he is not. That and I do think that listening to other people, not just in a romantic relationship framework, but in work, ordinary social connections - is an important skill, not hard to do, but few people make a habit of doing it. Including "Moi". I should work on that. Listening to really understand, not just listening enough that you can make a reply and be on-topic.

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by homina12

Is this really how it is still? Like with grownups? Guys are like supplicants or struggling actors? Because it still sounds like men are seeking grace or trying out for a part in a woman's play.

-You show up for the audition on time
-You dress for the part you're reading for
-You hit your mark
-If you're lucky enough to get some direction, you take it without any question or complaint
-If you don't get the part, thank her and move on (OK, that's probably cool)


I'm not especially confident and I've never really understood, from a woman's perspective, why one would want to be with me. Not in a woe is me sort of a way, but more in a, "how do bees fly when they don't appear to be designed to fly?" sort of way. I'm a pretty non aerodynamic bee.

But with all that when I was getting to know my current partner, although she was almost certainly evaluating me, I could have given a ****** **** whether she thought I was right for the part. I was too busy deciding whether she was.

I think I just discovered something.

I think you discovered something, too.

But the replies are to the thread title. The reality is, if a man has it together, he is also evaluating, just as you say. And there are certainly ways that a woman could bomb her chances with a guy, too. I bet that a woman with horrible teeth, wiping her nose on her sleeve, being vulgar in her speech on a first date...would likely not get a second date with a man who has a little decency, a bit of class, isn't desperate, ya know?

Also, dude, bumblebees are heckin' cute, so...nothin' wrong with being a non-aerodynamic bee.

[BobbyBratty]

Originally Posted by ThisTown123

I think you're seeing this more frequently at the comic shops and gaming groups you hang with, yes? lol I knew this one guy that during a board game night, when he'd eat cheezy poofs, he'd get orange powder on his hands and then handle the game pieces. lol

I wonder if this is true of men of a certain age. lol. When they start to get ear and longer nose hairs. lol.

Thank god for my nose and ear trimmer. I cannot stand obvious nose/ear HAIRS on men. Waaay too distracting and gross. Definite deal breaker although if you look like Gerard Butler, a one night stand isn't completely off the table (or on the table).

[emotiioo]

Coming on too strong. To include dick pics, dirty talk, sexual comments, bragging about how much money has a has/how many women want him/how much he works out, making assumptions that I'm interested in going out again, talking too much.