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Just be a friend. If she wants more than that, she will let you know. Take it for what it is.
Yeah, that is my take too at this point, thanks. I don’t think I am signaling anything more than that to her. Someone told me that I should just say goodbye and leave right after class and not wait for her because it will weird her out, but why?? Friends wait for each other and walk out together right? I think people think that because I’m gay, anything that I do will be perceived as me being aggressive and so now I’m really self-conscious about anything I say or do being over the top. Even small things like walking out with her!! When I put it in writing, it makes me feel like I have been too worried about that. Friends do things like that. I’m just trying to find that balance where I act like my normal friendly self. I don’t think there is any risk of my being over the top because I am really respectful but I definitely hold back with her where I wouldn’t with others. I will want to text her about something but I won’t. It’s a weird space and I’m not really a fan of it. I just want to be myself.
Friends do things like that. I’m just trying to find that balance where I act like my normal friendly self. I don’t think there is any risk of my being over the top because I am really respectful but I definitely hold back with her where I wouldn’t with others. I will want to text her about something but I won’t. It’s a weird space and I’m not really a fan of it. I just want to be myself.
The reason it feels weird is because you want more than friendship.
You really are reading into her actions, especially the wondering if she's afraid to advance anything with you. She wasn't afraid to say, "Let's hang out sometime...," but she hasn't don't anything else to make anything else happen.
You said in your first post she knew you were gay. How did she know that?
The reason it feels weird is because you want more than friendship.
You really are reading into her actions, especially the wondering if she's afraid to advance anything with you. She wasn't afraid to say, "Let's hang out sometime...," but she hasn't don't anything else to make anything else happen.
You said in your first post she knew you were gay. How did she know that?
She knows I’m gay because I was talking to her when we first met and referenced something about a relationship I had been in an said “she.” And then my ex turned best friend was also taking her class (not really anymore) but we were sharing about how our relationships have turned into best friendships.
Wow. I mean, I would say that I’m typically great at reading people but I have been having a little conundrum.
I started taking a class at my gym and totally enjoy the instructor. I’m gay. She has been married to a man. I have been taking her classes for a few months and we ended up having a great chat after class one day and she mentioned that she and her hubby are separated and she asked for my number and said, “Let’s hang out sometime.” She already knew I was gay when she said that. That was a couple of months ago and I asked her if she wanted to go to coffee sometime and she said sure!! That hasn’t happened either but we are both busy people. We tend to talk after class every time we have class and walk out together. Once in awhile, I have to walk out before her because she is doing something and I feel like a dweeb if I wait for her but we have spoken so much that I would also feel weird to just say goodbye and walk away. That wouldn’t be like me anyway.
I really like this person and would like to get to know her more but I also literally can’t figure out if I’m making up a connection between us. She definitely isn’t afraid of me having a crush on her because she will ask me to help tighten her sports bra, etc.
We have had a lot of really good conversations but they all seem to be in passing as we have never had coffee or anything. I don’t actually know the status of her relationship and I want to have total respect for that and I also don’t know if she is interested or just being friendly. I thought she was gay when first met her. She set off my gaydar right away but I respect that she may not be.
So, that is where we stand. She seems to enjoy talking to me and sometimes I really feel that and then there are nights like tonight where I feel like a dweeb waiting for her like I’m too eager.
We don’t talk about relationships except that we both admitted that we have relationships that evolved into
friendships. So, sometimes I feel like we are connecting on the same level and other times I feel like a major dork that is off-base. She isn’t much into texting either and so we don’t do much of that but she went out of her way last weekend to tell me she was subbing for a class and that I should come down.
I feel like a kid, I swear. Like I haven’t done this a bunch of times in my life. Any thoughts?
She knows I’m gay because I was talking to her when we first met and referenced something about a relationship I had been in an said “she.” And then my ex turned best friend was also taking her class (not really anymore) but we were sharing about how our relationships have turned into best friendships.
Ok. So stop hanging around after class, and if she wants something to happen she’ll let you know.
Did you arrive at class together? If not, why would you ALWAYS assume you should walk out together after a few convos?
She may see your hanging around as a burden, frankly, like her kindness has only earned her a little puppy dog fan hanging around.
I’m not trying to be harsh. Just trying to get you to see that there are other trains of thoughts besides the ones guided by your crush.
Well, we tend to arrive around the same time. I don’t know. I mean, I get what you are saying and believe me, that is my fear. Like last night, she was busy and I just started walking down the hall and she ended up following behind, I mean, we all have to leave class. And then we walked out together so it tends to just happen. If we don’t chat at the gym, I likely won’t talk to her as she isn’t much into texting.
I know I can’t do this but I feel like I want to text her and say something so she doesn’t think that. But doing that will probably just make me look like an idiot.
I would like to think she doesn’t think of me as a puppy dog and I don’t think she would have text me last weekend to tell me that she would be teaching the class and that I should come or to let me know which classes she will be coming to that week, so my god, I hope she doesn’t think that!! But the way you put it, the puppy dog thing, is the exact fear that I have.
Well, we tend to arrive around the same time. I don’t know. I mean, I get what you are saying and believe me, that is my fear. Like last night, she was busy and I just started walking down the hall and she ended up following behind, I mean, we all have to leave class. And then we walked out together so it tends to just happen. If we don’t chat at the gym, I likely won’t talk to her as she isn’t much into texting.
I know I can’t do this but I feel like I want to text her and say something so she doesn’t think that. But doing that will probably just make me look like an idiot.
Yeah, please don’t do that.
You’ve got to try and be patient and put this out of your mind. Just be normal, like any other person in the class.
Right now, if you get all excited leading up to it and then shoot her cute looks during and also hang around expectantly after, you’re just gonna make it weird.
Youve done what most people would do to make inroads with her. You’ve got to find a way to not obsess about this but just be normal.
Don’t make any more overtures.
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