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I agree. Look what happens on this forum when someone wants advice on making an in person approach and the 689 replies with reasons not to....
"She's/He's at the library to read, not meet people "
"She's/He's at the grocery store for food, not be hit on!"
"She's/He's your classmate and it'll be awkward to have to sit in the same classroom!"
"At a bar? Are you kidding!!!???"
"You might get #metoo'd" (Whatever that means)
"It's creepy" (Not if you have social skills)
And on and on and on. Elnina is right. Socialization is like a lot of things. It takes practice, patience and learning what works and what doesn't and makes you better over time. It's not just approaching and talking to people, but general self improvement. And it's fine to mingle and discuss in cyber world as we are now, but it's not a replacement.
Other than the MeToo part, I would say the top 2 or 3, esp. top 2 mirrors what I've experienced, but it was the women who expressed how they do not want to be approached or "hit on" at these places. It is unfortunate.
So unless a specific event is set up in an area where people actually desire NEW people in their lives, they won't be open to it. I had a friend that does a group work out class. She's new to the area, so thus open to making new friends. I think she was hinting around at grabbing lunch or going somewhere after the class, but they didn't bite. They always had something to do after. Be it chores, the laundry, grocery shopping.
I was taking a rather subject specific course with only a dozen people and after class I suggested we get together to do the Corn Maze (it was fall)
No one wanted to do anything after a class at college. Or hang out after a class.
The only time I had that work was when I was going to a college far away, where people from different parts of the country or world went to college. THAT was when people hung out outside of just going there for the intended task.....taking classes...studying. Why? Because everyone had no friends to begin with when they got there. They had no one else.
It's like people who already have friends, aren't open to new ones.
I live in an area where people over 40 are still hanging out with their high school friends. Kind of a fish bowl community. This area though, is steadily growing, so this place has that going for it.
They aren't all sad, necessarily. Nor do they all live at home. I know a few guys like this who just rent cheap studio apartments and live a simple life based around gaming or socializing with friends doing those live role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons and what not.
If they're sad, they're sad, but I disagree with the idea that someone is sad just because they're living a life different than what's typically thought of as "good". Some people like to do their own thing and don't want the pressure of a family to take care of.
This is just you projecting your preferences onto others. There's nothing inherently better or healthier about talking on the phone vs text. I've maintained a very close relationship with my best friend in another state for years now, and we only communicate through text. She and I tell each other everything in great detail.
Text has many advantages. You can think about what you're going to say before you press send and make sure it's worded the way you want. You can take a few minutes to think about your response to something rather than blurting out some dumbsh*t thing that's gonna get you in trouble.
Just because some people don't get how to properly communicate via text doesn't mean it can't be done. I'm sure people back in the day had the same complaints about talking on the phone vs being in person. The times, and the methods of communication, change as the decades go on.
Older people just don't get it. I once had my grandma accuse me of being addicted to my phone because I was having a long conversation with my best friend when she was upset over something and needing support. I explained that I was having a conversation and asked if my grandma would hang up on a friend halfway through a phone call. She thought about it a second and then said she understood and she'd never thought about it that way before.
They should be proud! It's way better to be a virgin later in life than it is to have a bunch of sex you regret. Who cares if you're a virgin anyway? I've been with guys who'd had a lot of experience and sucked in bed so it really doesn't matter.
Yep, lots of women are gamers. My mom was a gamer back in the 90s when I was growing up! She kind of lost interest over time, but my dad is still a passionate gamer. They're both in their late 60s. So women being gamers is nothing new.
Of course it's true that one can be addicted to anything, but that's a different matter.
That didn't happen because of the cyber world necessarily, though. This is a chicken or egg thing.
I stopped attempting to socialize because it's often difficult. People are irritating, dramatic, and in my experience, true friends are VERY few and far between. I have a handful of them scattered across the world, and I love them.
I'm not very interested in shallow relationships with acquaintances for the most part. 99% of the acquaintances I've had in my life never became true friends. Most of them brought stress to my life if anything, and over time, I socialized less and less.
It's definitely true, like I said in an earlier post, that if we didn't have the internet we'd be forced to socialize more out of pure boredom, but I don't think I'd necessarily be happier if that was the case. In fact, I will go as far as to say in a world without the internet, I'd probably have committed suicide already.
So maybe the internet is creating some sort of false platform of happiness that isn't true to real life or whatever. But for a lot of us who don't fit into this world anyway, it's pretty much allowed us to survive.
Not to mention the fact that I met the majority of my real-life friends online. And it likely wouldn't have happened on its own considering they live in other parts of the world.
Very good things.
I’m saying they live sad lives isolated alone and in altered states of reality. Real life is not a video game yet these boys spend more time in it than their lives.
I’m not talking abou the people that play 1 hour per day but about the people that play all night and every weekend in WOW or some other BS game.
'Excuse me, do you mind going out on a date even though I'm a broke 28 y/o and afterwards we can go back to my parent's house and makeout? And can you drive since I can't afford a car?'
It's that easy!
Kidding aside, technology has ruined a lot of social skills and made it too easy for guys to watch porn and play video games. But it's probably also a blow to the ego for a guy in his late twenties still living at home to ask out a woman near his age.
Doesn't that get boring though? Because we are not just a floating head, nor are we designed to be alone all the time interacting with machines. We are designed to be stimulated by real life human interactions and the environment using all our senses, just the way we were born into the world. Science is discovering our grandparents were right- we are ruining our vision looking at screens and now there is a large increase in nearsightedness in children. VR is even worse, making people feel physically dizzy and causing depth perception problems and probably neurological issues. This sounds like things you might do if you were isolated or imprisoned in a room by yourself, not things you would choose as a lifestyle when you are free in the world.
Bill Maher used to say about gamers, You are not some Cyber- warrior, you're a guy sitting alone in a room typing.
'Excuse me, do you mind going out on a date even though I'm a broke 28 y/o and afterwards we can go back to my parent's house and makeout? And can you drive since I can't afford a car?'
It's that easy!
Kidding aside, technology has ruined a lot of social skills and made it too easy for guys to watch porn and play video games. But it's probably also a blow to the ego for a guy in his late twenties still living at home to ask out a woman near his age.
But why would a guy in his late 20s be living with his parents if he is functional and mentally stable? This is what I meant about being out in the world. Working, independent, socially active, etc. is the NORM, not the exception for young men. Yes, even now.
When I was young they were telling us NOT to have sex.
How young was this?
Far more likely the warning was against having IRResponsible sex.
Quote:
Young men struggling with this kind of thing...if they haven't, they should get driving,
get a car, get a job, and get some kind of trade training or college so they can make more
than minimum wage, and definitely move out of your parents' house.
'Cause I think a lot of these fellas are behind the curve, compared to previous generations,
and that's a big part of what's going on here.
The subtext being that the sexless have been selected out by the females available to them
and for some sad sacks... self selected out.
How young was this?
Far more likely the warning was against having IRResponsible sex.
The subtext being that the sexless have been selected out by the females available to them
and for some sad sacks... self selected out.
Isn't that a good thing though? Insecure, fearful, isolated people are not ideal partners to build a life and family with. Children need strong, secure role models in their parents.
Woah is this thread coming in hot at millennial guys!
Sure the population of unemployed gamers in moms basement has risen, but it's certainly not the only, or biggest factor. For every one of those, there's a psychotic mess of a girl or girls who have never had any career besides basic retail. Here in Denver you can find as many lazy unbathed baked all day stoner girls as guys... I really don't believe somehow in the 21st century, females have continued along fine while vast swaths of males have fallen through the cracks into an apathetic video game trap. There's always been a decent percent of both sexes which really don't have their stuff together, and I would say this percent is shrinking, not rising as time goes on. You know how many weirdos there were 200 years ago???
My guesses as to why this gap is occurring is:
1. Guys are willing to date / have sex with girls that are below their "level" in income, education, ambition, and looks but girls are by and large not. Guys would hit up a girl who's still living with her mom. In a similar vein older guys and younger girls will hook up but not vice versa.
2. OLD is clearly a failure at creating meaningful interactions for the masses, but a lot of the traditional places where interactions have taken place, churches, the town bar, the grocery store / being out and about, family/friend social events... seem to have eroded. And things like Meetup has not plugged this gap. Especially in big cities, it seems like people don't have as big of real "not virtual" social networks.
Rise of online Dating apps like Tinder have caused a lot of it in that time.
Men can swipe right on a ratio of hundreds of girls just for one match and even if you get matched you can easily get ghosted, or not get past a first or second date.
Sex for the majority of women is easier to obtain than ordering pizza, so women are more concerned with the quality of the guy than sex itself.
The dating market has never been so skewed. It was more even when men and women would meet at bars. Now women just scroll through their OLD inboxes like looking at a wine list and picking the best one. It's no wonder guys check out or a generation of INCELS.
Admittedly, I'm kind of uncomfortable with how millennials get bagged on so much today.
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