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So I convinced my boyfriend, who's four years older than me, to make an instagram because he's so into art. I suggested lots of art pages that he does follow now, but did notice that he follows literally hundreds of instagram models and likes and saves a lot of their pictures. Our 2 years old was playing around with his tablet recently, and upon taking it from her, my eyes caught the words "she makes my heartbeat fast whenever she messages me" and of course, due to issues at the beginning of our relationship, I couldn't help but continue reading. The name was never mentioned but it was evident that he wasn't taking about me, but he was mentioning that he loves the person.
Shamefully so, I wound up reading the entire conversation, later noticing that he was talking to another woman. He was constantly bashing me to her, not once said anything good about me and told her a lot of my personal business. Things that should've stayed between the two of us. He also told her that he didn't believe that I actually miscarried our first child. He though I was lying. Mind you this happened 5 years ago. He watched me suffer day in and day out after I lost my baby. He also told her about his ex writing him on Facebook saying that she wanted to "serve him p*ssy for breakfast". I confronted him about all of this and he claims that he was lying about the ex writing him because he "just wanted a crazy story to tell".
The most pressing thing though, was that i put two and two together and assumed he was talking about another one of his exes when he was saying that he loved someone. It took some time, and I finally got the guts to ask him if he still loves his ex, who I knew by name. He admitted that he does, and my heart has been in pieces ever since. He was with her over 7 years ago and have been with other women since her and before me. And if that's not bad enough, as good of a guy as he is, he tends to have a really sucky attitude when it comes to me. I've told him could less times that I don't like the way he talks to me a lot of the time, but it just continues.
He apologizes but does the same things over again't and it almost makes me feel like he's manipulating me. I don't doubt that he loves me, but somehow I can't shake the feeling that he probably treats me this way because he'd rather be with his ex, that after all this time, he still can't seem to get over. He even told the female that he was talking to that I'm lucky that he's not like other guys because he would've "tossed me to the side by now". I've stayed quiet on things for so long but now that I'm no longer willing to do that, and that I'm standing up for myself, he badmouths me to so many people behind my back.
But I've stuck with him through everything that he's put me through. Yes, I know, I'M the idiot for that. I don't get it. I'm so good to him and I've only ever been respectful and good to him. I cook for him, clean for him, motivate him and support him, even when I disagree. Aside from financially, I practically have been caring for our child on my own since the beginning. All things that he doesn't do for me.
Sometimes I feel like I've fallen so far down the rabbit hole that I can't escape him, but I love him so much that it hurts. I don't know what to do and I've lost hope that things will improve. I want to leave him but I don't want to leave him. Probably because he's my first real relationship and we have a kid together. He even tells me that he wants another baby with me. How can I detach my heart from this and leave him? I know that I deserve much better than what he's been giving me, and no matter how much I bring it up, we always end up back to square one.
My, he got the hang of IG pretty quickly after you forced it on him, didn't he?
You know, I'm sorry you are hurt. I really am. The bottom line, though, is that you're still there, after reading all that. You haven't already left, which tells me that you aren't planning to.
Nothing WE tell you can convince you if his own careless words didn't.
You just need to make a decision and live with it.
I didn't "force" instagram on him, it was a mere suggestion that he followed once i showed the art there. Thanks for the reply, but unfortunately it's no help. I'm 23 just trying to figure things out and looking for advice
Ivery made moves to leave plenty of times, even as far as packing my and my daughters belongings , (as much as I could carry anyways), and not living with him for nearly a month. But he'll say or do something that pulls me back in. I'm just trying to figure out how not to fall into that anymore
I didn't "force" instagram on him, it was a mere suggestion that he followed once i showed the art there. Thanks for the reply, but unfortunately it's no help. I'm 23 just trying to figure things out and looking for advice
OK, you said "convinced," which made him sound unwilling.
Anyway ...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ajquestions
Ivery made moves to leave plenty of times, even as far as packing my and my daughters belongings , (as much as I could carry anyways), and not living with him for nearly a month. But he'll say or do something that pulls me back in. I'm just trying to figure out how not to fall into that anymore
Is it not enough to know that he is not in love with you? That he willingly bad-mouthed you to some other chick? That doesn't make you want to stay far away?
So I convinced my boyfriend, who's four years older than me, to make an instagram because he's so into art. I suggested lots of art pages that he does follow now, but did notice that he follows literally hundreds of instagram models and likes and saves a lot of their pictures. Our 2 years old was playing around with his tablet recently, and upon taking it from her, my eyes caught the words "she makes my heartbeat fast whenever she messages me" and of course, due to issues at the beginning of our relationship, I couldn't help but continue reading. The name was never mentioned but it was evident that he wasn't taking about me, but he was mentioning that he loves the person.
Shamefully so, I wound up reading the entire conversation, later noticing that he was talking to another woman. He was constantly bashing me to her, not once said anything good about me and told her a lot of my personal business. Things that should've stayed between the two of us. He also told her that he didn't believe that I actually miscarried our first child. He though I was lying. Mind you this happened 5 years ago. He watched me suffer day in and day out after I lost my baby. He also told her about his ex writing him on Facebook saying that she wanted to "serve him p*ssy for breakfast". I confronted him about all of this and he claims that he was lying about the ex writing him because he "just wanted a crazy story to tell".
The most pressing thing though, was that i put two and two together and assumed he was talking about another one of his exes when he was saying that he loved someone. It took some time, and I finally got the guts to ask him if he still loves his ex, who I knew by name. He admitted that he does, and my heart has been in pieces ever since. He was with her over 7 years ago and have been with other women since her and before me. And if that's not bad enough, as good of a guy as he is, he tends to have a really sucky attitude when it comes to me. I've told him could less times that I don't like the way he talks to me a lot of the time, but it just continues.
He apologizes but does the same things over again't and it almost makes me feel like he's manipulating me. I don't doubt that he loves me, but somehow I can't shake the feeling that he probably treats me this way because he'd rather be with his ex, that after all this time, he still can't seem to get over. He even told the female that he was talking to that I'm lucky that he's not like other guys because he would've "tossed me to the side by now". I've stayed quiet on things for so long but now that I'm no longer willing to do that, and that I'm standing up for myself, he badmouths me to so many people behind my back.
But I've stuck with him through everything that he's put me through. Yes, I know, I'M the idiot for that. I don't get it. I'm so good to him and I've only ever been respectful and good to him. I cook for him, clean for him, motivate him and support him, even when I disagree. Aside from financially, I practically have been caring for our child on my own since the beginning. All things that he doesn't do for me.
Sometimes I feel like I've fallen so far down the rabbit hole that I can't escape him, but I love him so much that it hurts. I don't know what to do and I've lost hope that things will improve. I want to leave him but I don't want to leave him. Probably because he's my first real relationship and we have a kid together. He even tells me that he wants another baby with me. How can I detach my heart from this and leave him? I know that I deserve much better than what he's been giving me, and no matter how much I bring it up, we always end up back to square one.
Review the bolded statement. Is all that you said here how love looks and feels? To answer your question, yes, it is time to get steppin unless you want more children and the same treatment from him for five more years. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us. Your call...
Are you two married? You've been with him since you were 18? But he was with someone before that, for 7 years? So he must be at least 7 years older than you, probably closer to 10 years?
I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I'm thinking you were probably too young when you got involved with him. Was the 2nd pregnancy a planned one? I'm wondering why you two had a child together, if you're not married, or are you married?
He doesn't seem to respect you. You say he loves you, but he doesn't act like it, from what you describe. If you were to leave, where would you go? Do you have family you can depend on? This is so sad, but for your own self-respect, you should probably leave. I hope you have someone you can rely on, for emotional support.
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