1st Date: Women or Men pays for first date? (how to, attracted, older)
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I've never experienced this in my life... going out with friends it's always expected that we pay for ourselves. I don't deny your experiences though--just pointing out this can differ wildly depending on your culture and who you hang out with.
The only time it would ever be expected for one person to pay for another is if they clearly offered to pay in advance or it was clear they were "taking you out" for a special treat or something.
I'd be shocked if a friend expected me to buy them dinner because I said "Hey want to go grab pizza together?"
Edit: wanted to add this might be more common in more well-off social circles. I've always been very, very low income and so are most people I've known, especially when younger. I think in social circles of starving artists and other people barely getting by, it would never be assumed that someone was buying a meal for someone else.
You know, it's amazing how something so simple as buying dinner for someone can be dissected in a thread like this. lol.
But I think the real reason here is to determine interest.
If she insists on paying her own, it may mean she is not interested in you. If she LETS you pay, then it could indicate interest.
When dating, men have typically treated me to meals and entertainment, but I usually at least offer to pay the tip. (I've only done online dating once, so I don't know if paying your own way is the standard in those cases as opposed to when you meet people "out in the wild.")
Once the initial dating period is over and a relationship has been established, I either alternate paying for outings with the men I'm dating, split the check, or one person pays for the meal while the other person pays for the entertainment, etc.
In terms of friends and family, if I have people over, food and drinks are on me. If we're out, sometimes we get separate checks and sometimes we treat one another. With my out-of-town friends, we often alternate paying the checks with me paying for my guests when they're in town and them paying for me when I'm visiting them where they live.
If I insist on paying for myself when out on a date, it's not code for "I'm not interested in you"--it means that I'm intent on showing a man that I'm a independent and gainfully employed woman. If I'm not interested in a man, I tell him as soon as I am aware of my disinterest. No ghosting, no fading, no nonsense. Why waste his time?
Everyone's mileage varies, of course, but this system of sorts has worked well for me and for those with whom I keep company.
If she insists on paying her own, it may mean she is not interested in you. If she LETS you pay, then it could indicate interest.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisTown123
In a lot of cases, I had most women I've asked out to tell the server, "Seperate checks please". Kind of a no brainer there. lol
You do realize that with these last two posts you’ve revealed that most women let you know right away before the meal is even served, that they aren’t interest in you? ... because no, that isn’t a “no brainer”, a woman making a point of requesting separate checks as soon as the server arrives.
You do realize that with these last two posts you’ve revealed that most women let you know right away before the meal is even served, that they aren’t interest in you? ... because no, that isn’t a “no brainer”, a woman making a point of requesting separate checks as soon as the server arrives.
Sorry, it's usually after the meal. So...maybe that still means the same thing, but some women do this to make it look like they don't have to put out or don't want to have to feel like they owe the guy something. The last woman that did this was insisting on it, she considered us "friends" since we were just first time meeting from an online site.
it means that I'm intent on showing a man that I'm a independent and gainfully employed woman.
I get why women think "I'm employed and can pay for myself" but why do it halfway? Why not "I'm employed and can pay for both myself"?
Or is there some belief that there is a gender wage gap? In that case does that mean you think you will be reliant on a guy to make up that difference in wage gap every time you go out?
If someone is going to pay "half", just stuck it up and do the entire thing.
When I was young and dating, I paid 100% of my dates whether it's the first time or the tenth time. Now that I'm married, it makes no difference because the money comes from the same shared account.
Typically I've offered to pay for both myself and my date. Most of the time, my date will insist on either paying for herself, or pay on the 2nd date, or cover the tip.
I definitely have not found it to be the case that people weren't interested in me because they paid for their own food.
Guy will have to, but make it a cheap date, walk in park, bike ride, coffee, ice cream sunday, pie, or maybe a movie. No dinner. If she turns you down, she probably doesnt like you anyhow.
Yeah, RbccL, but you don't have to get there two hours early.
I’m so excited to be out, the guy is just a detail! I always get there first, so I can get to chat with the bartender and get his/her opinion, too.
I’m serious. I live on a block with like 10 or more cool bars and restaurants, a museum a couple of blocks away, but I have 2 favorites. The bartender was rolling his eyes behind one guy’s back, so after I walked him to his car I came back for a drink before I walked to my own place. (Why waste a great outfit?) I asked him what he thought. He said I’ve gone downhill. Also, the best match was the First Guy I brought in when I moved here last summer. I asked why he would remember that? He said: “You 2 were laughing the whole time, and he was imitating someone...I thought you were great together.”
It was my dad, he helped me move that day. 😉
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