Caught feelings hard & fast for a girl ~2 months out of her last relationship. Got hurt. What happened? (dating, wife)
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-They only broke up because he's in the military and was forced to move across the country, but neither of them wanted to do long distance. This apparently happened in late April, but she went to visit him for a week or something in mid June.
-She still likes every one of her ex's pictures on instagram.
-We met on Bumble and she gave me her number within a few messages. I mention this because she's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever dated, yet she was instantly and highly interested in me, and gave me her number very easily. Usually girls like this have a ton of options and you can barely even get a response.
-While I WANT a relationship, I'm extremely picky and almost never date seriously/exclusively because of it, as well as am unwilling to settle. The last time I was "hurt" was 8 years ago, and since then I've been single (dated a lot but no serious relationships) and haven't even thought of "wifeing up" a girl.
-Lest I sound like an ahole... RIGHT before I met the girl I'm going to talk about, I had gone on two dates with a different girl and didn't catch even a whiff of feelings. Liked her and was very attracted to her, but didn't have any emotional investment.
Story:
First date - Saturday: She was going to come over because she insisted on me trying these "white claw" drinks with her. Before the date she texted me saying she was nervous about coming over and asked if I'd meet her out. I agreed, but she ended up changing her mind and just coming straight over with the drinks anyways. This was essentially a "netflix & chill" kinda date, but we did talk and get to know each other--it wasn't purely sex. The next day (Sunday) she was hitting me up saying how she was glad she came over, how she wanted more of me as soon as possible, and even that she was masturbating multiple times thinking about our night.
Monday and Tuesday we were in touch and decided that I'd come see her Thursday. Lots of excitement and blah blah from her on Thursday about seeing me. One thing that stood out was a text from her asking "wanna get drinks or food or anything tonight? Or are you just trying to come over and Mod cut.?" I told her I'm down to grab dinner and she says "yay!" We went out for dinner, which was fun. I was set on paying, but she insisted since I drove to her--I settled for paying the tip. Went back to her place, talked, cuddled, had sex... I didn't leave till after 1am (got to her place around 7:30), and even went BACK after leaving to kill a spider for her (I'm serious--she was texting me freaking out after I left). Left again and she was texting me saying how I was her hero, I'm the perfect amount of dominant, Mod cut., I turn her on like crazy, saying we have amazing sexual chemistry, and how she wanted more of me.
She texted me the next morning (Friday) and we bantered throughout the day. Saturday she initiated contact with me again and we chatted and set up a date for Sunday. It actually seemed like after our second date she was getting MORE interested in me. I mean, you don't initiate texts two days in a row with someone, calling them "daddy" and telling them how much they turn you on, if you're not interested, do you? Anyways, Sunday I took her out in my area for dinner. I paid but she insisted on paying the tip. One thing she said that stood out was something about feeling nervous or uneasy, but as I remember she said it was like a "butterflies" feeling, which I actually thought was a positive thing. Or maybe not. Maybe she was saying something felt off. I'm not totally sure. And something else that was a bit of a red flag... She told me she got married when she was 19 (she's 25 now) to another guy who was in the military after a month of dating because the military was making him move out of state (just like her latest ex), then after a short time he cheated on her and it ended. But moving on... We went back to my place and had sex, but she didn't seem as into it as the two previous dates because, Mod cut..
No contact on Monday. Tuesday I texted her saying I was thinking about her, she asked "Oh yeah? What ya thinking about?", I told her "cuddling up next to you, wrapping my arms around you and kissing your neck." She said it "sounds lovely", then I told her I wanted to see her again soon--no response. As stupid as it might sound, I had a feeling something was up right there just comparing it to her past behavior. So today I texted her Friday...
ME: *name*, I know what we need...
HER: What's that?
ME: Another white claw night, but this time we drink them all
HER: Listen I really enjoyed our time together but I feel like we didn't really vibe on a non-sexual level so I'm not sure I want to see you again. And I'm not just looking for casual sex with anyone.
ME: Ouch. That came outta nowhere. And stings considering I was really like you and even planning on asking you to be exclusive soon... Definitely wasn't just looking for casual sex with you. I enjoyed taking you out, talking to you, our banter where we'd tease each other and everything else. But hey, if that's how you really feel and you're truly just not interested, then I'll respect your decision.
HER: I enjoyed it too!! I just haven't been single in a while and I don't want to enter a relationship or anything unless I feel like it's 100% right
ME: yeah I was a rebound. I get it
HER: Well if you want to put it like that then everyone is a rebound to me because I never give myself enough time to just be single
This left me pretty shocked and confused to put it lightly. One minute she's crazy about me and the next she's telling me she's not sure if she wants to see me again. I also have absolutely no idea how or why I "fell" for this girl so hard and so fast. I've felt... Just terrible, depressed, weak, and pathetic since Friday. Any ideas of what the hell happened here?
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-12-2019 at 03:25 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language; not PG-13.
I think she misses her ex like crazy, and you came along and showered her with attention, and she was horny.
And then she was on your turf, which might've made her uneasy, AND she wasn't AS horny (based a lot on her cycle, by the way) and it petered out for her.
I wouldn't say it was necessarily anything you did or didn't do. You were just...the quintessential rebound man. For what it's worth, I don't think she was intentionally trying to use you.
She texted me the next morning (Friday) and we bantered throughout the day.
Saturday she initiated contact with me again and we chatted and set up a date for Sunday.
It actually seemed like after our second date she was getting MORE interested in me.
Here's my guess:
Friday night she had a date with a new guy. Might have [bleep] him.
Saturday night she saw him again and [bleep] him (again, probably).
Probably did the same thing to him, a week later (dumped him for the next tingles-inducing guy). Carousel.
What she really wants is the old military boyfriend back. Hitting fast-forward a month or two, she'll be out there living with him. And the cycle continues.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-12-2019 at 03:29 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
I think she misses her ex like crazy, and you came along and showered her with attention, and she was horny.
And then she was on your turf, which might've made her uneasy, AND she wasn't AS horny (based a lot on her cycle, by the way) and it petered out for her.
I wouldn't say it was necessarily anything you did or didn't do. You were just...the quintessential rebound man. For what it's worth, I don't think she was intentionally trying to use you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gus2
You met on Bumble. Hooked up on date 1, hooked up on date 2, and by date 3 she was already over it?
The chemistry wasn't there. I think she tried to fan the flames but no dice.
I based her lack of interest in sex that night on her cycle (as Sassybluesy said). I didn't mention it in my post, but that night she not only said she was on her cycle, but was also that she was "feeling emotional". Which is ironic considering she "dumped" me after that... Part of me thinks that I messed up by pushing for sex that night, and another part of me thinks it wouldn't have made a difference either way. I have so many "what if's" floating around in my head it's driving me crazy.
Blaming it on her period is much easier than looking you in the eyes and saying, "I'm not sure I'm really into you."
Yeah that's very true. It still came out of nowhere, though. For her to say/do all the stuff I detailed in my OP, and act EXTREMELY interested on/after the first two dates, then suddenly lose interest completely just doesn't make sense to me.
I thought venting and getting some advice would make me feel better but I'm just feeling worse about it. And trying to talk to new women is making me feel worse as well. It's like no matter what I do I just can't get away from the misery.
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