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Myspace can be evil however in my case i have about 80 friends on my myspace page mixed gender, who believe it or not are people i know or have known at one time or another in my life, My husband is very "Suspicious" of this saying i am hiding things and that I always click the page off when he comes in the room....
That is all completely in his messed up head because it is completely not true!!
And i tell him this all the time but he still insists i am "secretive and hiding things"
Am i going to stop using my space because of his insecurities??? No i won't.
Because it is how i keep in contact with most of my family member who live 1500 miles away from me..
In my case he needs to stop making accusations and trust his wife who has never giving him a reason not to...
Myspace can be evil however in my case i have about 80 friends on my myspace page mixed gender, who believe it or not are people i know or have known at one time or another in my life,
Would you care if he did the same to you? Sadly in my case it's not someone from the past or a former coworker, high school friend or whatever. In some way I can see that being ok, some people may have a problem with it. Insecure or not, if your spending more time talking or hanging out with friends of the opposite sex then you do with your significant other, then something is wrong.
In that case I say why bother being married or with someone in a relationship, if it's strictly platonic the other person may never feel the same way about it. Everyone is different.
We are 30 somethings and victims of job transfers and moving around, so the "friend" base is non-existent and most live far away. I see your point and have considered that a plausible reason to a degree. I never had a problem with it as long as you converse with people of the same sex, that's not the case here.
I wouldn't be bothered by my s/o chatting with women on myspace, but them being a lot younger would. But in the case of my boyfriend, his younger sister is about four years younger than him, so potentially, he could be chatting with women friends that he knows because of his sister... this is all theoretical as my boyfriend hates myspace and facebook type sites.
Well when I was in a LTR in my twenties with a guy that was a store clerk by day and a drummer in a band by night. There was no internet back then. But he had his own local girl fans that would visit him at his store and go to his gigs. I never had a problem "sharing" him with them. His heart and his body belonged 110% to me, we lived in the same apartment building and I know that he never cheated on me or wanted to. However, he was a very charismatic person and really enjoyed interaction with his fans. I accepted him for who he was. To ask him to avoid his fans would have made him sad and not the man I fell in love with.
So in this day of internet, I think that you have to trust your husband that he is not cheating on you or leading the other girls on. And they make him feel good about himself as a person. You as his wife can't do it all. The two of you are not isolated on some deserted island. To ask him to give up his myspace would make him feel isolated and a married has-been. And it's also not fair to ask your husband to restrict his communications to only other men on myspace. The real world is made up of both men and women. Just because he's married, doesn't mean that he's not allowed to have female friends. And you need to trust him on that.
What you need to do is make sure that the two of you spend some quality time every day with each other. Make sure that you make him feel good as a person, and he needs to do the same for you. Have some interesting quality conversations with him. I find that myspace chats are really juvenile and shallow. Also, work on the two of you making new friends in real life. If you both have weekends off, find some more social activities to do together. Find some good live music to listen to in a club setting. Go jog in a park. I think that if you make real life more interesting and exciting for him, you will be able to wean your husband off of myspace.
Location: Georgia, on the Florida line, right above Tallahassee
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It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ship of Fools
Have you found your significant other getting too chummy or spending way too much time chatting with the so called "friends" of the other sex who live thousands of miles away? I don't do Myspace but I'm having an experience with my significant other that is causing problems between us, even if there is nothing proven wrong yet ie major red flags...should say yet again because we know how things snowball in this world of the internet.
Is your significant other adding "friends" of the other sex or large age gaps and spending a lot of time chatting and e-mailing, going out of their way to do so? Saying there is nothing to worry about and it's only for "friends" and similar interests?
If so how are you dealing/accepting your significant other talking to members of the opposite sex even if at the initial contact and early stages the discussions are not anything to be afraid of but might remind you of when you first met and how you fell in love?
The last one would be seeing your significant other chatting when your at home, seeing their attitude change getting up extra early to check e-mails changing habits and going out of their way to chat/e-mail looking up details on the person they are chatting with such as location, town and meaning of their name and such. Keep in mind this is someone of the opposite sex.
As well chatting at home when your away on a business trip for long periods of time, you log on with your laptop from the hotel room and see they are online, you try to talk and say hello honey but the reception isn't what you expect nor what your use to, due to the point they are talking to someone else and lie to you about doing so, later you come home from that business trip and look at msn screen dumps and see your suspicions were correct.
Just curious if anyone else is experiencing this. Like it's anything new, Myspace is just another outlet albeit a far more graphic and full of information then what originally caused problems 10 years ago on the net.
Well, that's what you get for doing MSN screen dumps.
Gee, were you snooping to just "check" and make sure "nothing was going on?" but Oh my! those MSN screen dumps sure showed that something was "going on" so I CALLED HIM ON IT and he gets all defensive. Now, I KNOW something is "going on!" I KNEW IT KNEW IT KNEW IT!!!
So...now that you know...you want it to stop. You want it to stop, but he doesn't stop. So that makes you mad. And it makes him want to do it even more. Or he doesn't care. Either way, you're not gonna be satisfied until he stops. Which he won't. Or he'll do it and lie some more.
Make a choice on what you want to do with the information that you snooped up. After all, I doubt he'll change. So you will...or you'll badger him forever...or you'll leave. Is there another choice?
You could tell him "Myspace or me!" .... Then let him decide.
Well, that's what you get for doing MSN screen dumps.
Gee, were you snooping to just "check" and make sure "nothing was going on?" but Oh my! those MSN screen dumps sure showed that something was "going on" so I CALLED HIM ON IT and he gets all defensive. Now, I KNOW something is "going on!" I KNEW IT KNEW IT KNEW IT!!!
So...now that you know...you want it to stop. You want it to stop, but he doesn't stop. So that makes you mad. And it makes him want to do it even more. Or he doesn't care. Either way, you're not gonna be satisfied until he stops. Which he won't. Or he'll do it and lie some more.
Make a choice on what you want to do with the information that you snooped up. After all, I doubt he'll change. So you will...or you'll badger him forever...or you'll leave. Is there another choice?
You could tell him "Myspace or me!" .... Then let him decide.
Personally, I think he's already decided.
Why can't you decide?
It's getting to that point "Myspace or me".
Then I will be the bad person, comments like "controlling" and "jealousy" and/or "you won't let me have friends" even if they are of the opposite sex and old enough to be your son/daughter.
ahh yes. the cult of myspace. I'll admit it. I had one for a while. But once my senior year of high school started, the whole internet social networking crap seemed so trivial. Besides, there are some creepy people out there and I'd rather not be a part of the lawless cyber jungle or have any personal pictures, information, ect.. out there. The internet (as with all technology) is a double edged sword. Tread carefully. You never know who's checking you out.
I dont have a myspace account.. Heck I dont even know how to use Myspace... I tried to look some stuff up in there.. but heck if I could figure it out... Guess I must be a stupid old dude .. LOL
I'm sorry to hear about that, I have read so many stories and know of others who experienced this as well.
How did it start? Just friendly conversations about things like interests and where they live? I worry about the snowball effect even though I was reassured I have nothing to worry about.
Sorry for the delayed response, I just now noticed the Email while going through the 100+ emails in my account, LOL.
I dont want to type the whole drawn-out story here, but if you go to my User CP, and click "search for all posts" you'll find the many threads about the last 8 months of my life.
Sorry for the delayed response, I just now noticed the Email while going through the 100+ emails in my account, LOL.
I dont want to type the whole drawn-out story here, but if you go to my User CP, and click "search for all posts" you'll find the many threads about the last 8 months of my life.
What????? Why didn't you tell me about this buster????
Location: When things get hot they expand. Im not fat. Im hot.
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The bottom line is is he worth keeping. Peeps always say dump em. But if you have a lot of time invested maybe you should try some renovating first.
Sounds like he's going thru some guy type mid life crisis thing. Hes probably not doing anything YET. Hes just on an ego trip cause young babes want to be his friend. I know its a big deal to you but it wont help to make it a big deal. As someone else said you need to wean him off by making plans in real life.
Another thing I would do is get on My Space. If everything is as innocent as he says then he wont mind you talking to his friends. Say hi. I wanted to meet you Ive heard so much about you.
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It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!
