Her is the long & short of it....
Red flags waving from the star, I had no idea I was in for such a ride, or is it a race for time... mnie???
As I sit and try to ponder over these questions, I KNOW I am a bright intellagent women, or I was until now...
So we meet, fall deeply in love FAST!!! Swept me off my feet!! I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship, with the biggest gentleman on the planet!!! (We parted ways, but stayed friends) I wasn't ready for a relationship again, I wanted to spend time with my friends and enjoy my life and get back to me before I found love again.. I had moved back home which consisted of mother, father & gay (38 yr old) brother. Everyone was mad at me for ending things and moving back, never had a close relationship with them, but that's a whole other forum!!
Back to this wild ride... we met, fell in love, blah, blah, blah.... I had a great job, his job is one most dream off, floor of the exchange for a well known company..So please keep in mind, he is a great lier!!!!
Gifts, vacations, private flights, life to the fullest... Anything a girl could ask for.. not that I did, I never knew what it was to do without, yet I didn't have a silver spoon in my mouth either.. I have always worked (since 16), my parents provided well for me and never let me strive for less..
I give in.. I let him break down the wall that I had so methodically put up.. I am a Gemini, Polish, Portuguese, & Russian HA HA yes I do get mad at myself & forget why!!!
MG all the love so much I got pregnant.... I had to stop going out with my friends.... "Babe I need you to move close to me in case something happens to you, I love you we're gonna start a family" Imagine my happiness but little flags here & there... "My God, pregnancy has you all crazy, your imagining things".. you know I think I was.. you see if you hear something long enough, you do tend to believe it, especially when your body is going thru changes to accommodate a baby growing inside... I still stayed very attractive, even radiant, you know that pregnancy glow, I have a striking resemblance to Angelina Jolie with green eyes, & a Portuguese butt!!!
I move into my own place, times got crazy by my parents house & just needed some "me time" before the baby came... My Landlord, a real SOB, had harassed me from day one... every time I needed my boyfriend, he wasn't around, on his way, stuck in traffic.. the excuses kept on coming... Stress, moving and an over taxing job (with a longer commute, less sleep, and longer hours) aside from a slum lord & her family, sleep was something I did for 2 hours, I wound up losing the baby.. that in itself was traumatic!!! Seems I was strong enough to go at it alone though, cause,like I said, the excuses just kept on coming,
BIG RED FLAG:He missed my company Christmas party, his excuse was his father was dying.. which he was, so I backed off... Babe go to the jewelry store and pick out 3 rings, of those I will pick out one.... "I just need to see that smile, I long for that smile" So I go, sick to my stomach, thinking it was bronchitis, I go in tries on one ring.."If you can please excuse me I just need a Lil air' I step out into the mall area when a man running toward me... HELP, HELP, CALL S_E_C_U_R_I....... he drops right in front of me... the blood just poured from his head area.. I flash back to my uncle, 12 years earlier, I was mad because he was in the bathroom for what felt like hours, I pried the door open he bleed to death in MY bathroom from an anurism..... that's all I saw!!!!! I freaked.... 2 hours later I was allowed to leave, the cops had asked me all there questions .... In case your wondering, he was stabbed outside and ran inside the mall from the parking lot... lovers quarrel !!!! Christmas we got engaged, the ring the first and only one I saw... This is supposed to be a happy time, Right??? things just got worse from there... During the holiday's, his father passes, an aunt & he'd rather just go at it with his mother.. we buy a house together, I quit my job, pack up my apartment, bask in the days and the change of life ahead.... A NEW life, the one I had always dreamed about, especially after losing our baby, I needed a new mind set..... I took some xanex, I fall asleep.. I woke up suddenly... Let me take another one, where the hell are they??? Damn I thought it was a dream he was here, why did he take them???? that's odd...
I get in my car and drive to his house... the door's bolted???? I ring the bell who the hell is this answering the door....
We'll that divorce that was supposed to be finalized in early December, never even filed!?!? So on & so forth we argue the woman in the pictures his "cousin" you met her, you know right after the miscarige... you're just going crazy!!! This is sick this is crazy!!! Am I going crazy?? did that just happen??? from there I remember nothing, everything rushed to my head spinning out of control, all the questions, all the lies, he tried making me feel like i was crazy!!! All my securities pulled like a rug from under my feet, I question my life & it's purpose... Why, I have always tried to keep it together, gave to those even if it would leave me with nothing, a good heart, great looks, millions of friends, I had a great job...
but why would God keep putting me in these situations?? My Uncle, my grandfather died in a house fire,I was the only one his neighbor could get in touch with with the smoke started to billow out the windows, 4 hours later, they found his body... How the hell was I suppose to identify this charted mess??? The smell still fresh in my nose ever time I think of it.. the man in the mall, my engagement, him still married.. when does my happiness begin & the drama stop??? We'll my actions that night from my own thoughts almost did me in... thank God for my need to answer the phone even almost comatose!!! Seriously... I know I snapped!! I dealt with ALOT of demons that night, I was also dis owned by my family.. So here I sit with no job, unemployment doesn't even cover my $1600 rent!!! oh no that's not including utilities, car note, insurance, no health insurance, a slum lord, no family, great friends but I don't want to become a burden... I've lost almost 30 lbs in 2 months from stress, i didn't need to lose anything to start with!! I look sickly but thanks to Posh, Kate & Nicole...
How did I get to this point??? Was he just a GREAT lier, is this part of post partdome???? Am I going crazy?? I cry daily I don't even know why anymore!!!
he shows me every paper now, calls me with the attorney and tries to make up for everything he's done then turns around and calls me every name in the book.. I know his job is high pressure, but I have more respect for myself,, Every time I grow a back bone, he knocks me to the ground....Say's the answer is to get up and start a new life somewhere else... He's got me by the short & curlies I have nowhere to go, no money, no job and self worth, well that's down to !!! I just can't trust him, even after giving me proof daily, I just don't trust him, but at the same time could he have changed?? or is this just his new summer coat???
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