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I did something really stupid tonight and now I feel like a complete idiot. I had broken it off with a hookup 2 months ago because he just wanted casual and I really liked him. Haven’t spoke since then and I still couldn’t stop thinking of him. I messaged him today to see how he was and he responded that he is seeing someone serious now. Was completely caught off guard.
Now I just feel like crap that I wasn’t good enough for him. I am 36 and have been single 3 years after my divorce. I just feel so alone. All my friends are married. I haven’t even had someone I’ve got anywhere close to a relationship. The most I’ve gone out with a guy was 4 dates.
I don’t go out anymore. Friends are all living their own lives with kids and my only plans on the weekends I don’t have my son are going on online dates. It’s just really gotten lonely lately and I’m trying to think of ways to make new friends and do other things besides dating.
Just needed to vent as I feel completely awful right now. I know it’ll pass but I need to do something to change things. Clearly not doing things right.
It's not a matter of you not being good enough. It's a matter of you weren't what he was looking for.
Maybe get involved with doing things instead of online dating. Find things to do that you find fun. People having fun are more attractive. People that do things are more interesting.
It's not a matter of you not being good enough. It's a matter of you weren't what he was looking for.
Maybe get involved with doing things instead of online dating. Find things to do that you find fun. People having fun are more attractive. People that do things are more interesting.
I agree. I’m just struggling with finding things I’d be good at or interested in. Going to brainstorm. Going to also start going in to work once a week. I have been working at home since covid. Also maybe joining a gym instead of at home workouts. Any other ideas?
I agree. I’m just struggling with finding things I’d be good at or interested in. Going to brainstorm. Going to also start going in to work once a week. I have been working at home since covid. Also maybe joining a gym instead of at home workouts. Any other ideas?
Some sort of outdoor or recreational group would be ideal. A hiking group, softball team, rowing, Cornhole etc.
Just be in the world as much as you can. Meetup.com is great if there are groups in your area. That will help build your confidence and your friend network. Don't wear headphones and listen to music in the gym, be open to striking up conversations. If you can, get yourself to a cafe to work with your laptop every so often. I even recently met a guy in the street who has started inviting me to events. He seems to know a lot of people in our area so that's another opportunity for meeting people.
There was a study that looked at the likelihood that any one person would find love on any given day. Talking to people in the gym and saying yes to after work drinks both increased the likelihood by 16%. Online dating was the most effective, but only actually raised chances by 17%.
And no shaming, but if it’s a relationship that you want then focus on that and pass on opportunities for more casual connections. Whether you are aware of it or not these more casual connections will take up bandwidth and energy that you could otherwise be putting into dating intentionally.
I hope you're prepared to approach men in public because men have been conditioned not to approach women in most places. Especially gyms. All we ever hear is "don't approach me, I'm here to workout."
I did something really stupid tonight and now I feel like a complete idiot. I had broken it off with a hookup 2 months ago because he just wanted casual and I really liked him. Haven’t spoke since then and I still couldn’t stop thinking of him. I messaged him today to see how he was and he responded that he is seeing someone serious now. Was completely caught off guard.
Now I just feel like crap that I wasn’t good enough for him. I am 36 and have been single 3 years after my divorce. I just feel so alone. All my friends are married. I haven’t even had someone I’ve got anywhere close to a relationship. The most I’ve gone out with a guy was 4 dates.
I don’t go out anymore. Friends are all living their own lives with kids and my only plans on the weekends I don’t have my son are going on online dates. It’s just really gotten lonely lately and I’m trying to think of ways to make new friends and do other things besides dating.
Just needed to vent as I feel completely awful right now. I know it’ll pass but I need to do something to change things. Clearly not doing things right.
You just weren't right for each other that's why he wanted to keep it casual rather than start a relationship. You were right to break it off if that's not what you wanted, and it's in no way a reflection on you. It just wasn't meant to be, so I wouldn't over analyze it. And you weren't "stupid" nor "a complete idiot" for ending something you weren't happy with.
I did something really stupid tonight and now I feel like a complete idiot. I had broken it off with a hookup 2 months ago because he just wanted casual and I really liked him. Haven’t spoke since then and I still couldn’t stop thinking of him. I messaged him today to see how he was and he responded that he is seeing someone serious now. Was completely caught off guard.
Now I just feel like crap that I wasn’t good enough for him. I am 36 and have been single 3 years after my divorce. I just feel so alone. All my friends are married. I haven’t even had someone I’ve got anywhere close to a relationship. The most I’ve gone out with a guy was 4 dates.
I don’t go out anymore. Friends are all living their own lives with kids and my only plans on the weekends I don’t have my son are going on online dates. It’s just really gotten lonely lately and I’m trying to think of ways to make new friends and do other things besides dating.
Just needed to vent as I feel completely awful right now. I know it’ll pass but I need to do something to change things. Clearly not doing things right.
First of all, you are not an idiot, and you haven't done anything stupid because you did something healthy for yourself. Breaking it off with a guy you really liked but in return got nothing was a good thing. Time will take care of that.
Even bigger problems are the desperation for "someone" in your life. I'm going to give you the best advice you can use right now (unless someone else tell you this). If you listen, understand and actually do this, your entire life will change.
You need to heal. Heal from your breakup, heal from anything and everything that is causing grief in your life, and one of those things is yourself. You are not happy with yourself, being alone, living alone (when your son is gone of course). Until such time as you have learned to be happy with YOU, all by yourself, it isn't a good idea to date at all. Why invite someone else into chaos? Go out by yourself. Do fun things you enjoy and don't worry about anyone else. Go out to eat, go to a movie. Sure all these things are more fun with another person, but they are also entertaining while you are alone. Nobody HAS to have a partner to be fulfilled, happy and perfectly content. I'm not dating anyone right now and my kids are grown. They are on vacation so this last weekend I booked a hotel for two nights in a nearby town and went to a festival, went to eat, went shopping, then did the casino for a little while. I grabbed dinner to go and went back to the room and ate and watched a good movie. The next morning I went and had breakfast and coffee. I went to some flea markets, goofed off at the World Market, bought some stuff for my patio and drove home. Awesome weekend. Loved it. Me, myself and I. And when and if I do get into a relationship, he better not have a problem with that because being myself and doing things I enjoy are important to me.
Date yourself. Get off the dating apps. Do this for 1 month and you will see that you will meet someone naturally, and when you are happy within yourself, you will be a magnet to worthy men. Worthy men are not on dating sites, they are in your own back yard. You will know when you are at peace with yourself and your life and you will be so excited at the thought of inviting someone in to enjoy your life with you. Now is not the time.
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