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She was not too happy with being denied access to my personal savings account, but I said that I felt her actions warranted it. I am not taking away access to our joint accounts, nor am I changing
what I normally contribute into the joint account monthly. She accused me of not trusting her and I reminded her that she was the one who took money out of our joint account BEFORE telling me, so therefore I took precautions to secure MY PERSONAL ACCOUNTS.
She was not too happy with being denied access to my personal savings account, but I said that I felt her actions warranted it. I am not taking away access to our joint accounts, nor am I changing
what I normally contribute into the joint account monthly. She accused me of not trusting her and I reminded her that she was the one who took money out of our joint account BEFORE telling me, so therefore I took precautions to secure MY PERSONAL ACCOUNTS.
Maybe you should. Put that money in an escrow account and only put it in the joint account when the other money is returned. You can also take a more active role in micromanaging the use of the money already sent to your MIL, and if your wife doesn't like it she can move money from her personal savings to the joint account to make up the difference and remove you from the equation.
You say you removed your wife's access to your personal savings...do you have access to her personal savings?
Ever since I have known my wife her mother has been financially irresponsible. From bounced checks to repossessed vehicles her financial adventures have been painful to watch. Finally about 10 years ago my wife convinced her to let her take over her finances. My MIL agreed (with a lot of pushback) and managed to get out of some of the debt that has plagued her over the years. My MIL lives in a 4 bedroom home in Long Island. Now with no research or (dare I say common sense) my MIL and her husband have decided to move to Grenada to live out their retirement. Thanks to the money she was able to save with the help of my wife she bought herself a house in cash, and is in the middle of selling her home on Long Island. The problem is that she is heavily relying on my wife FOR EVERYTHING!!! Suddenly my MIL is incapable of doing any and all things adults normally do. This includes making (and keeping) Doctor's appointments, paying her mortgage, credit card bills (of which she had not been forthcoming in telling my wife how much CC debt she had). As for my MIL's husband he has been in Grenada for over a month now to manage their furniture and car they had shipped to Grenada. He is also often on the phone with my wife requesting her to wire various amounts of money to cover shipping of their things, a water filtration system and other things needed for the new house. Well all of the money my MIL and her husband saved is now gone. The only cash they will have is the money they get for the sale of their Long Island home (minus whatever is left over on the mortgage). In the meantime my wife wants to loan them the money from our joint savings account. I asked (a silly question) what if we need our money for OUR HOME, cars or whatever else we need money for?? The next suggestion I made was equally silly when I told my wife to use the money in her personal savings account since it is her mother she has decided to help. My wife says that we will get all our money back once her mother's house is sold. I told my wife if we don't expect to hear nothing but "I told you so" from me. Is it too much to expect my wife to help her mother from her own savings account? Especially considering that her mother has made and continues to make poor economic choices? Oh and BTW her mother has decided to continue to work (She is the Director of a Nursing Home in Brooklyn) until the sale of her house. On top of all this she lives with us since her house is empty.
Your wife and yourself are playing a part in this charade. You allow your wife to do this, and your wife allows her parents to use her. The only way this cycle is going to stop is when you put your foot down to your wife and INSIST either she pays for their finances or you will file for divorce. If she continues to use your community finances to support them, that is VERY unacceptable. If you put a stop to it and she knows you mean business, she will have to make some choices of her own.
The parents need to be told that this resource is DONE. No more money. At all. When they have to start supporting themselves they will be a little more careful with their money. You should recoop all of what they owe you (at least half of it) when the house is sold and insist that this nonsense come to a screaching halt or WALK AWAY before she eventually breaks you of everything you've ever worked for.
Do it immediately and draw the line NOW before it's too late. That is ridiculous and shame on her parents for using both of you like that. Nutts.
Maybe you should. Put that money in an escrow account and only put it in the joint account when the other money is returned. You can also take a more active role in micromanaging the use of the money already sent to your MIL, and if your wife doesn't like it she can move money from her personal savings to the joint account to make up the difference and remove you from the equation.
You say you removed your wife's access to your personal savings...do you have access to her personal savings?
I do still have access to her personal savings. The shame of it all is that we are in a good place financially because of her due diligence. We NEVER fought over money. I have always trusted her judgement with money until now. I already told her that once her mother's house is sold we either get all of our money back, or the difference comes out of her personal savings. I think that is as fair as I could be. The way this plays out will determine how we move forward.
Final update. My MIL finally left for her new home in Grenada at the end of September. The car she left behind cost us $6,000 to put back on the road and make it safe for my son to drive (not really my choice, but in lieu of what I consider an argument where I would have to argue common sense over emotional connection I just paid to get the vehicle running). We also got back all of the money we loaned her. I told her that if my parents ever needed to borrow money from us I would discuss it with her first, but we WILL help my parents (if they ever need it). We are in a much better place now that my MIL no longer lives with us. My wife is less stressed, and I no longer need to find a job to go back to work to be out of the house.
Ever since I have known my wife her mother has been financially irresponsible. From bounced checks to repossessed vehicles her financial adventures have been painful to watch. Finally about 10 years ago my wife convinced her to let her take over her finances. My MIL agreed (with a lot of pushback) and managed to get out of some of the debt that has plagued her over the years. My MIL lives in a 4 bedroom home in Long Island. Now with no research or (dare I say common sense) my MIL and her husband have decided to move to Grenada to live out their retirement. Thanks to the money she was able to save with the help of my wife she bought herself a house in cash, and is in the middle of selling her home on Long Island. The problem is that she is heavily relying on my wife FOR EVERYTHING!!! Suddenly my MIL is incapable of doing any and all things adults normally do. This includes making (and keeping) Doctor's appointments, paying her mortgage, credit card bills (of which she had not been forthcoming in telling my wife how much CC debt she had). As for my MIL's husband he has been in Grenada for over a month now to manage their furniture and car they had shipped to Grenada. He is also often on the phone with my wife requesting her to wire various amounts of money to cover shipping of their things, a water filtration system and other things needed for the new house. Well all of the money my MIL and her husband saved is now gone. The only cash they will have is the money they get for the sale of their Long Island home (minus whatever is left over on the mortgage). In the meantime my wife wants to loan them the money from our joint savings account. I asked (a silly question) what if we need our money for OUR HOME, cars or whatever else we need money for?? The next suggestion I made was equally silly when I told my wife to use the money in her personal savings account since it is her mother she has decided to help. My wife says that we will get all our money back once her mother's house is sold. I told my wife if we don't expect to hear nothing but "I told you so" from me. Is it too much to expect my wife to help her mother from her own savings account? Especially considering that her mother has made and continues to make poor economic choices? Oh and BTW her mother has decided to continue to work (She is the Director of a Nursing Home in Brooklyn) until the sale of her house. On top of all this she lives with us since her house is empty.
I believe it would be in your best interest (financially) to have your wife "gamble" her own money here, as the MIL may or may not pay it back. You are correct in assuming that since it's her mother, and she wants to loan her some money that she go right ahead, but she's not using your own money. However, since you are married, hers is yours, so in any instance, it's a gamble. You are being fair, especially if you feel that your savings will be enough to do what you need to do for your own family and home.
Your wife is enabling her parents and she has taken on a huge problem. Now the problem is becoming yours. Bad deal but you have to protect yourself here and suggest your wife get help. Hope this all works out.
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