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That happened 26 years ago in 1996. I thought about it the other day and thought I might revisit it because I just stuffed it when it happened and I did not look at it.
Or maybe she has controlling parents who were demanding she date some specific guy (he's wealthy or a friend of the family or whatever) and she was trying to find someone else because she didn't want to be with him, but they had some sort of family blowup where they insisted, threatened and/or issued ultimatums and she didn't feel like she had a choice.
You never know...all sorts of things are possible. We're just guessing.
The unfortunate truth is that when something ends before one is ready, it feels like a mystery you've got to solve. But the problem is that you rarely ever get the truth, and even if you do, it changes nothing. It isn't easy to shrug it off and move on, but that's probably what you're going to have to work on doing.
If you can't recall having said or done anything that may have caused offense, and if there's no reason for bad rumors to be floating around about you in the church community, then likely it was no fault of yours and had nothing to do with anything that you said or did, and there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. It's an unfortunate "crap happens, it was outside of my control" thing.
Good hypothesis. IMO the parents did have something to do with it.
As to the latest question, sometimes we have long-held memories that bubble up and give us pause and we need to address them. Some people do, anyway.
Good hypothesis. IMO the parents did have something to do with it.
As to the latest question, sometimes we have long-held memories that bubble up and give us pause and we need to address them. Some people do, anyway.
This, I assume, is what's going on with the OP. Apparently she meant a lot to him during the time he spent with her in bible class and also dating her, then struggling with the odd aftermath of the dating. And due to not getting any closure, he repressed and buried his feelings until recently, when they came up again, demanding to be processed.
I have several questions I am hoping you might help me answer regarding a dating experience I had. Below is a narrative that briefly describes my experience followed by questions I am trying to answer.
When I was 30 years old I moved to new community and got involved with a church where I attended a Wednesday night singles bible class. When I got to the class there was this 27 year old women that motioned for me to sit by her on a couch. When I sit down it took all of my attention to keep up with the attention she was giving me. This is the first time a woman has ever shown any interest in me. After the class we continued our conversation and she made it easy to ask her out. When I did ask her out and she accepted we began dating and we seemed to have a mutual interest in being with each other and we both seemed to have a good time when we were together. After going on about 6 dates over a week she invited me to meet her family by going to church then lunch on mother’s day. After lunch we returned to her apartment where I left so she could be with her family that was in town from Houston to visit her. It was planned that I would return to her apartment later that day and we would plan on doing something together including dinner.
When I arrived at her apartment as planned things seemed to be different from the way they were earlier that day. She had always been excited and enthusiastic and now she seemed depressed with sorrow. When I tried to talk with her as I always had I got no response. When I tried to make plans she would not agree to any or suggest something different. When I ask her if something was wrong she would not say. Finally she asks me to leave her apartment and when I did we had not planned our next date as we had in the past and I was not able to clarify when we would talk again. When I left her apartment I thought it might be good to give her a little space by waiting on her to call me when she was ready to talk again.
By Wednesday night at church it had been 3 days since I spoke with her. It became apparent that she did not want to date me anymore when she came by where I was seated with church underway and whispered in my ear that she did not want to date me anymore before walking down and sitting in an area where there was no room for me to follow and sit by her. I looked for her after church but I was not able to find her.
After about 3 weeks I saw her at church one Sunday morning with her parents and a new boyfriend. That would be the last time I ever saw her.
Questions
What could have changed this girls mind about me especially so quickly within a few hours of an afternoon when I was not there to influence her decision?
Why did this girl not want to communicate with me as to what was going on with her and her reason for breaking up with me?
It appeared this girl wanted to make it final between us when she broke up with me by never coming around me again and for there to be no opportunity for us to talk again. Why do you believe she would want to do that?
What role do you believe her parents might have had in her change of heart?
Do believe I ever had a chance with this girl and if so how might I have blown it?
Do you believe her showing up with a new boyfriend had anything to do with me and if so why?
Any other information that might help me have closure regarding this would be appreciated.
What changed her mind was her family. You left her alone with her family and a bad mouthed you when you left. Mother or father might have given some disapproving remarks maybe even brother or sister. It may be because you're a different ethnicity different national origin different background in religion and maybe because you are 30 years old and she was 27.
I know it hurts but you weren't just dating this woman you were dating her parents. And that's going to be the way it is for everyone you date. If the idea is to become married and being at your Christian I assume that it is. This is a hurdle you're going to have to jump through also it helps to find a woman that doesn't need her parents approval they exist and just sometimes in some unlikely places.
If this is unsatisfying closure I'll tell you this, your relationship with this girl was doomed from the start. I've seen this same thing play out with some of my friends.
I knew my parents wouldn't approve of my partner and it didn't matter to me. And eventually they did and now the adore him. Some people won't stand up to their parents and if you're in a relationship with one of these people and their parents don't approve of you it's doomed.
I'm wondering if she was mentally ill. Like manic depressive maybe. Her parents came in town, realized she was ill, and persuaded/corerced her to break it off. Just one theory among many good ones
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