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More of a curiosity question, granted there’s probably a lot of different situations. But one I will mention is when when I’m using OLD I tend to come across a lot that say they are super shy, and When I message them I usually get a few messages in and then try to talk about meeting up or talk off the site to move forward, otherwise I feel like I get stuck being pen pals with the person. But I get a lot that will say they’re super shy and don’t want to get off the site yet, they want to talk for a few days or a week before making any moves being off the site.
So I may understand that part but then if I play along they will constantly talk to me asking everything about me and all that when I would think you do that more in person. So I was just asking others here how patient you get with someone who might say they’re shy or wanting to go super slow with things before you give up?
Seems to me that after three days people should set a date to meet about a week out. If they can't commit to a simple coffee date maybe they aren't that interested in meeting someone. Maybe it's a fake profile. The point of signing up on a dating site is to meet people and date. If they can't do that why waste your time?
When I am out on a date and my companion states they want to "go slow".
I interpret this as they are seeing some kind of "red flag" or other concern,
After this I simply move on.
Why get caught up in a game that is going to take months to resolve itself.
If they see a red flag, they wouldn't continue to be open to dating you. They'd go on one or two dates and say they don't feel it's a good match, and thank you for your company.
When someone says they want to "go slow", it's not about you. It's about their preference to take their time getting to know someone before deciding if they want to get more deeply involved. Rather than being a reflection on you, it could well be a reflection on all the guys on OLD who are in it for easy sex. If that's what you're in it for, then it means you and the "go slow" women are in it for different purposes, so there's no point in continuing.
When I am out on a date and my companion states they want to "go slow".
I interpret this as they are seeing some kind of "red flag" or other concern,
After this I simply move on.
Why get caught up in a game that is going to take months to resolve itself.
I think you are talking about a different situation than the OP. The OP seems to be talking about people who want to chat online for weeks or months before meeting in person. I can see that being an issue, as the people who are not willing to even try to see someone in person are more likely to be scammers or just looking to get a thrill out of chatting with people online. You really shouldn’t need to talk to someone online that long before making a date.
If you are out in person and a person wants to go slow, that makes sense. Not everyone is going into dating wanting to launch straight into something serious or hot and heavy. That is completely understandable.
More of a curiosity question, granted there’s probably a lot of different situations. But one I will mention is when when I’m using OLD I tend to come across a lot that say they are super shy, and When I message them I usually get a few messages in and then try to talk about meeting up or talk off the site to move forward, otherwise I feel like I get stuck being pen pals with the person. But I get a lot that will say they’re super shy and don’t want to get off the site yet, they want to talk for a few days or a week before making any moves being off the site.
So I may understand that part but then if I play along they will constantly talk to me asking everything about me and all that when I would think you do that more in person. So I was just asking others here how patient you get with someone who might say they’re shy or wanting to go super slow with things before you give up?
That would raise a flag with me.
To me being shy and wanting to take it slow would be after you physically meet and decide to date.
I think you are talking about a different situation than the OP. The OP seems to be talking about people who want to chat online for weeks or months before meeting in person. I can see that being an issue, as the people who are not willing to even try to see someone in person are more likely to be scammers or just looking to get a thrill out of chatting with people online. You really shouldn’t need to talk to someone online that long before making a date.
If you are out in person and a person wants to go slow, that makes sense. Not everyone is going into dating wanting to launch straight into something serious or hot and heavy. That is completely understandable.
Good point. Thanks for clarifying the thread topic.
It sounds like there may be people on OLD who have severe social anxiety, and hope to use OLD as a way to overcome that. Most daters won't have patience with that, and some would suspect a scammer or catfisher.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-30-2022 at 11:04 AM..
More of a curiosity question, granted there’s probably a lot of different situations. But one I will mention is when when I’m using OLD I tend to come across a lot that say they are super shy, and When I message them I usually get a few messages in and then try to talk about meeting up or talk off the site to move forward, otherwise I feel like I get stuck being pen pals with the person. But I get a lot that will say they’re super shy and don’t want to get off the site yet, they want to talk for a few days or a week before making any moves being off the site.
So I may understand that part but then if I play along they will constantly talk to me asking everything about me and all that when I would think you do that more in person. So I was just asking others here how patient you get with someone who might say they’re shy or wanting to go super slow with things before you give up?
I have a rule that personal information after a certain point is given face-to-face and not in writing.
Generally when I match on OLD if I am not meeting them in 2 weeks and getting excuses I pretty much more on. There seems to be a lot of women using the sites for something other than serious dating, validation, attention, pen pals, an amusement of some sort from jerking men around not entirely sure what their game is but I find it kind of pathetic and don't think very highly of the women (>35 yo) doing it.
As a result, 2 weeks unless there are real excuses and they are trying to schedule then I stop putting any real effort into them.
What I take "let's go slow" when said by a woman to mean is, I want us to spend time together but don't expect sex right away. I want to know you/your intentions better before we become intimate. I think that's just sensible.
It doesn't (or shouldn't) mean avoiding spending time together in person.
Men looking for more than just sex would want that too.
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