Quote:
Originally Posted by lair8
Much of the dating advice and dating discussion online is overly focused on the end result. "Aka what can I do to make more people attracted to me" or "What can I do to make this person like me".
There is nothing you can do to make a person like you. You be yourself to the maximum; the other person either likes you for who you are. They either have chemistry/attraction to you or they don't.
Many people will ask "If I do XYZ, will this person suddenly like me". If I had said or done this 1 thing differently, would that have changed anything? Even if it were true that making some revisions could've changed the outcome, would you actually want to be with a person that's only with you because you revised aspects or yourself. If you truly have chemistry with a person, you won't have to walk on eggshells, edit your speech, hide your real opinions/interests, etc. You would feel comfortable with them.
A lot of dating advice online try to sell people on tips that are guaranteed to you more attractive. People have this premise that the end result and that they're willing to change any variable to reach that premise. But the premise itself is the flaw. Sometimes the end result is that you and the other person aren't compatible; in that case, it's best to move on, not waste time on that person and spend that time finding someone you are compatible with.
A lot of people say that the advice of "be yourself" is cliche and that they already apply it. But then they ask what they can change to make someone like them, and it's apparent they don't actually apply it.
It's a harmful mentality to judge your success or failure purely on whether another person likes you or not. When it could also be equally the case that that person isn't the right fit for you either. Recognizing when someone isn't a fit for you and moving on should be considered a victory too.
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Very well said. I agree 100%. Also you can't even help who you are attracted to. You just are or you aren't. Sure some people 'prefer' tall, or stocky or whatever, but when your eyes hit that one you just never know. It's not something that can be helped. That's why I always advise that on dating sites, just because someone viewed you and didn't leave a message or leave a "wink" or whatever, doesn't mean you weren't good enough, or pretty enough. It's because you aren't who they are looking for. They will know it when they see it. They may not be into water sports, they may not like going on cruises, there are so many reasons, maybe you smoke, maybe you have a cat, anyway, dating sites are not healthy for anyone's self esteem and I advise my friends not to use them. But I agree with you wholeheartedly! Always meet with the expectation of making a new friend. If it's just that, all are happy. If it's more, then good luck. But nobody has too many friends so just be yourself and have fun.
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