Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm married and my high school girlfriend has passed in the 90s from a brutal murder and I've just reconnected with her family. Connecting with her family has thrown me into a broken hearted, deep grief stricken state for the last 8 weeks or so balling my eyes out daily. I still have strong feelings for her, I love her and I want to visit her grave. For the ladies out there, how would you feel if your husband wanted to visit his high school girlfriend's grave site? I would need to travel a significant distance (two days drive) to get there so it's not an around town or nearby city trip.
I'm married and my high school girlfriend has passed in the 90s from a brutal murder and I've just reconnected with her family. Connecting with her family has thrown me into a broken hearted, deep grief stricken state for the last 8 weeks or so balling my eyes out daily. I still have strong feelings for her, I love her and I want to visit her grave. For the ladies out there, how would you feel if your husband wanted to visit his high school girlfriend's grave site? I would need to travel a significant distance (two days drive) to get there so it's not an around town or nearby city trip.
TIA
Did you love this woman more than your wife? Does your wife know it?
If not then I can't see why your wife would have any reaction except sympathy to your visiting her grave. I mean she's gone. Paying your respects is the right thing to do.
I'd say have at it. She's dead, what's to be threatened about? But ask yourself what's to gain.
If after all this time her death has hit you this hard, and you've been upset for 8 weeks, I think something is wrong with you that has nothing to do with the girlfriend. It sounds more like depression, and hearing of her death was the final straw or trigger. See your doctor.
Being maudlin about high school and the past and what might have been, it is not a good look for anyone.
Sounds a bit excessive. You probably need therapy.
If your wife's high school boyfriend died and she was a mess for eight weeks and she has been bawling her eyes out while reconnecting with his family and she wanted to drive two days to pay respects, etc. what would you think, OP?
I wouldn’t make a separate trip to visit her grave. It might be okay if you were going that way for a completely separate reason - “while we’re near Hometown, I’d like to stop and visit Susie’s grave.”
I wouldn’t mind if Mr. Dokie made such as request, as stated above the woman is no threat. But I do wonder if your reaction is too much over the top.
In the past couple years I have learned of the death of five guys I used to date. It made me a bit melancholy, but certainly no tears were shed and I didn’t tailspin into depression.
I wouldn’t make a separate trip to visit her grave. It might be okay if you were going that way for a completely separate reason - “while we’re near Hometown, I’d like to stop and visit Susie’s grave.”
I wouldn’t mind if Mr. Dokie made such as request, as stated above the woman is no threat. But I do wonder if your reaction is too much over the top.
In the past couple years I have learned of the death of five guys I used to date. It made me a bit melancholy, but certainly no tears were shed and I didn’t tailspin into depression.
This is why I wondered whether he loved the ex more than he loved his wife. If so she either knows it or senses it and yes, she will react less than favorably. I wonder whether this guy would cry uncontrollably for months if his wife died. She might wonder the same. And then she'll have to feel like an ugly person for wondering that.
Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't hesitate to say: yes, of course he should go. But this is over the top. Something is more wrong here than the OP is admitting.
And by the way, OP, my condolences.
Also, what has your wife said about you sobbing for eight weeks so far over this loss?
If your wife's high school boyfriend died and she was a mess for eight weeks and she has been bawling her eyes out while reconnecting with his family and she wanted to drive two days to pay respects, etc. what would you think, OP?
Yup, whenever people have a question about something, I always turn it back on them to see how they would feel if it happened to them. That's pretty much the only way some people will comprehend the consequences of their actions. Of course some will claim that it wouldn't bother them, but are they being truthful?
The fact that the OP felt compelled to ask about this here, I think it just goes to show that some part of him probably doesn't feel right about the reaction considering he is married.
I agree with others it is a bit of an overreaction.
What happened to her is a tragedy, but you need to focus on the life you have with the woman next to you, not a girl who died 20-30 years ago.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
