Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Lately there seem to have been several threads or comments from people bemoaning their lack of a successful relationship. The all want to know, where are the "good guys", where are the "nice women"? Believe me, they ARE out there. Many of you ARE the good guys and nice women. But you sell yourselves short and rush into things so quickly when you click with someone that you crash and burn more times than not.
I like what the author John Gray has to say about this...maybe it will help some of you:
There are 5 stages a couple should move through in order to have a successful relationship:
Stage One (attraction),
Stage Two (uncertainty),
Stage Three (exclusivity),
Stage Four (intimacy)
Stage Five (commitment)
But here is the secret...
Do not jump into Stage Four -- intimacy -- before both you and your partner have first moved through all the other stages OVER TIME or you'll never get to Stage Five (commitment).
When I was younger I had a philosophy for a good relationship... every relationship should be 60% / 40% with both sides trying to give the 60%.
But now I have been married for 16+ years and I realize now that you have to love the person for that person and except them with all of their faults. Learn to live with their faults... over time you will both adjust to each other's likes and dis-likes. It will ballance! never go into a relationship with the thought that you are going to change someone... even a little bit.
Well, I would add one thing to this thread: Common sense.
I mean, if you start dating a person who has no friends, can't hold down a job, can't make decent headway in life, still lives with his parents, etc. etc. etc., those are pretty good clues that you've got a person who is not a grown up. And if he or she can't commit to holding down a job, how are they going to commit to holding down a relationship?
Good point.
BTW, I keep trying to give you reps for points you've made on assorted forums (including this one), but it just won't let me.
It's important to marry someone you are FRIENDS with! Because when all the newness and passion start to fade away....guess what...you are stuck with a person you don't even like! I married my best friend 21 years ago when I was 17 and he was 20. He is still my best friend and yes there are things I dislike about him, things he does to irritate me..but does that call for divorce, NO! I irritate him too but it's called committment and compromise and we work as a team..in every aspect. Also there is mutual respect. He never makes me feel like less of a woman and in return I never (hope) to make him feel like less of a man.
Commitment is a world of its own but is tested many times during the relationship. I have found this out and know others have had the same happen, whether it be with children, elderly parents (can be stressful with healthcare issues), financial, business issues, and other individuals that can add stress to the relationship.
If you are truly committed to each other, you will find great rewards
Just imagine flawed members were non-existent on this forum! What were all the perfect ones gonna do...?! Whom were they gonna disperse all this wisdom to...?! How were they gonna feel superior...?! They were gonna bore each other to death and start looking for each other's flaws!
Well, I would add one thing to this thread: Common sense.
I mean, if you start dating a person who has no friends, can't hold down a job, can't make decent headway in life, still lives with his parents, etc. etc. etc., those are pretty good clues that you've got a person who is not a grown up. And if he or she can't commit to holding down a job, how are they going to commit to holding down a relationship?
Great great post, adding one comment, most people jump into bed together before they figure out if they're compatible or if they have a looser...
Lately there seem to have been several threads or comments from people bemoaning their lack of a successful relationship. The all want to know, where are the "good guys", where are the "nice women"? Believe me, they ARE out there. Many of you ARE the good guys and nice women. But you sell yourselves short and rush into things so quickly when you click with someone that you crash and burn more times than not.
I like what the author John Gray has to say about this...maybe it will help some of you:
There are 5 stages a couple should move through in order to have a successful relationship:
Stage One (attraction),
Stage Two (uncertainty),
Stage Three (exclusivity),
Stage Four (intimacy)
Stage Five (commitment)
But here is the secret...
Do not jump into Stage Four -- intimacy -- before both you and your partner have first moved through all the other stages OVER TIME or you'll never get to Stage Five (commitment).
Excellent, so if I jump to Stage Four will that assure me of not having to worry about Stage Five or is that still a risk? I would hate for any situation to get to Stage Five, sounds scary, like Red Alert or late stage cancer metastasized.
Thanks for the help! This is great, now I can avoid those awkward moments when I have to break up with a girl, get yelled at for having a "fear of commitment," etc. [Notice how not liking something is always "fear of," as if just not liking anything automatically implies you're afraid of it -- homophobia, for instance, when a lot of people actually just don't like gay people, nobody is afraid of gay people and for the record I have gay friends, but it's just an example; or how about arachnophobia, always being assumed even if you hate spiders, but aren't afraid of them. Despite psychiatrists' infinite wisdom, not desiring something doesn't make you afraid of it. I don't like avocado, but I'm not afraid of it. I mean I'll touch it I just won't eat it!]
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Commitment
Whom were they gonna disperse all this wisdom to...?! How were they gonna feel superior...?! They were gonna bore each other to death and start looking for each other's flaws!
