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My single brother call me up last night telling me that my parents are getting old and that I should come down alone and spend thanksgiving with them. I am married man whose wife is 8 months pregnant and the father of three wonderful children. My wife's parents are much older and spend the holidays with us. In addition my father-in-law has alzimers desease and my wife need to stay close to her family. We do all of the cooking and will bring dinner over to them. I refused the invitation and told him my place is with my wife. Now I am being told I am a loveless son. My wife told me she was very proud of me to make a decision that shows how much I loved and cherished her and that she takes priority in my life. I am the only one out of four siblings that got married and had children. The others decided to devote their lives to our mother and live very close to her. I live in New York and love being married man to a wonderful woman and father of three soon to be four children.
Did you say, "Joe, I'd love to come down, but my wife is eight months pregnant and really can't make the trip. Plus Susan's folks are having major health issues and I need to be there to help."
Or did you just say, "My place is with my wife"? Because, given the use of words such as "refused," it sounds as if things were a bit prickly from the get-go. And if you couched in this way, what you really did was say, "I choose her family over your family."
A mature person would understand the first excuse. A mature person would take serious umbrage at the second one.
I told him i wish I could take his invitation but my wife could not possible take care of the kids, her parents and cook dinner. I said I wish I could but I can't.
Your doing the right thing! Sometimes you just "gotta do whatcha gotta do" for your own family. My wife's family lives in So Calif and we live in NC (for now). We would love to go to So Cal for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but finances just won't allow it. Anyway, it was OUR choice to move away from her family. Wife's mom is in her late 80's, but we need to save money for a move to Florida. Thank God her family doesn't bad of her/us! By the way, why does your brother only want YOU there for Thanksgiving with your parents???
My single brother call me up last night telling me that my parents are getting old and that I should come down alone and spend thanksgiving with them. I am married man whose wife is 8 months pregnant and the father of three wonderful children. My wife's parents are much older and spend the holidays with us. In addition my father-in-law has alzimers desease and my wife need to stay close to her family. We do all of the cooking and will bring dinner over to them. I refused the invitation and told him my place is with my wife. Now I am being told I am a loveless son. My wife told me she was very proud of me to make a decision that shows how much I loved and cherished her and that she takes priority in my life. I am the only one out of four siblings that got married and had children. The others decided to devote their lives to our mother and live very close to her. I live in New York and love being married man to a wonderful woman and father of three soon to be four children.
Sorry, your wife sounds kind of selfish to me. As a mother herself she should be more concerned about how your mothers feelings may be hurt.
Why can't you be both a "man to a wonderful woman and father of three soon to be four children" AND a good son? Seems to me that you need some balance in your life.
It is understandable given your in-laws age and health that you would want to do what you are doing with them for the holiday - but why couldn't you meet your brother half-way by arranging another time you would go to visit your parents - say the weekend after? The fact that you just so cavalierly toss being with them off is probably very hurtful to them, and your siblings who don't want to see them be hurt by your callous behavior.
Did they really expect you to abandon your family and 'come down alone' for Thanksgiving? I think that is rather rude for your brother to expect you to leave your pregnant wife and kids on a holiday which is specifically for drawing families together. I would tell him the umbilical cord has been cut and that your first obligation is to your family i.e. your wife and kids. If they want you to 'come down' then they should extend the invitation to the rest of your brood - not just you. I would suggest a compromise and offer to come the day after Thanksgiving with the whole family or not at all. I would however suggest that you wait until next year since your wife is so close to her due date - I doubt she feels like going anywhere and esp. not advisable to take her into a situation that may become emotionally volatile.
I think it's great that you've make the choice of what's best for your wife this year.
But what I'm curious about is the delivery of said decision.
Did you explain that this year it was possible because of your wife's condition?
Did you get all snooty?
I'm sorry, but there has to be more to this story because no one in their right minds would expect a woman so far along in a pregancy to travel.
You have your own family now to take care of. I completely understand where your bro is coming from. But you have three siblings who can be with your parents during the holidays. And I'm sure your parents will understand that you have a pregnant wife that you couldn't possibly leave alone with three children and elderly parents. I'm sure after your wife gives birth you guys will be able to visit your parents.
How old are your parents btw??
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! Sometimes you just "gotta do whatcha gotta do" for your own family. My wife's family lives in So Calif and we live in NC (for now). We would love to go to So Cal for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but finances just won't allow it. Anyway, it was OUR choice to move away from her family. Wife's mom is in her late 80's, but we need to save money for a move to Florida. Thank God her family doesn't bad of her/us! By the way, why does your brother only want YOU there for Thanksgiving with your parents???
