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It seems that I am the only one who thinks about my parents health and welfare while the rest of my family goes their merry way.
I check in a couple times a week. When I am home for a visit, I ALWAYS ask if there is something they need my help with. I help my mom, long distance, with her bills and other issues. Both my parents are 79 and are at the point where they need assistance occasionally with some things. Not enough to go into a nursing home or assisted living, though. Just things like shampooing the carpet, cleaning the gutters, minor repair work, etc...
It is VERY frustrating when my parents tell me that I am the only one who helps them and regularly calls to check on them. My brothers are into their own little worlds. I wish I could get them to understand that they need to pitch in but I doubt it'll happen.
Is anybody else in a similar position?
How do you deal with a complete lack of help (or interest) from the rest of the family?
Do they live close enough to where they cannot use that as an excuse?
I would try to talk to them again about pitching in to help out when and where they could. Sometimes, we have to beat someone over the head, or diffrent circumstances, maybe using the charm or sweet talk to them, to get them to open their eyes.
Location: Boonies of Georgia ~~~~ nuttier than a squirrel turd !
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313
Do they live close enough to where they cannot use that as an excuse?
I would try to talk to them again about pitching in to help out when and where they could. Sometimes, we have to beat someone over the head, or diffrent circumstances, maybe using the charm or sweet talk to them, to get them to open their eyes.
And sometimes, all the sweet talking and beatings over the head do not help.
I cared for both my parents before they passed. My mother passed suddenly, but was still not capable of being "on her own". My father died 9 months later.
After mom passed, my family moved in with dad and cared for him 24-7.I gave up my career and devoted myself to him. He was incapacitated 2 months after mom passed.
I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters, whose kids were still at home but grown. I had a 12 y.o. I begged and pleaded just for a few hours to go out with my husband and son to dinner, and was told that they just couldn't "rearrange" their schedules to sit with dad for an hour or two in the evening.
I changed diaper after diaper, administered meds, insulin, took him to dr visits ect.
It is a tough thing to do BUT I feel very honored to have been able to be there for them. It was a very hard and sad situation, but I would not trade the experience for the world.
My (our) parents worked hard to give us everything we needed, and when it was their time of need it was too much of a problem for them.
I can proudly say the "I" was able to fulfill dads wishes of dying in the home he built. In his bed, and in our (self, husband and son) arms surrounded by real love.
Unfortunately or maybe quite fortunately, (still undecided) none of us have spoke since the estate was settled----4 years ago.
I feel bad for my dad and sister because I live in a different state from my grandma and she is a handful. Most of my family has stepped up to helping out, but to the ones who havent a few of the members of my family had to get together and sit them down and ask them for help. Good luck- I know its hard!
My grandmother actually lives with me and there have been a few times when I have been a bit cranky about being the only one to take care of her but I have to believe we all have different roles to play in a family and mine is the caretaker...my dad is the financial adviser and "...my "great wise one" ...my brother is the footloose and fancy free one...my aunt is a loser(haha)...we al have our place in the family dynamics and it makes everything run smoothly...
My mum is getting on but is fiercly independent. Lost my dad a few years ago. We all live within 15 miles of her, my baby brother being the closest at about 4 miles. When she gets too infirm to live on her own, she'll come and live with one of us....we'll never her put her in a home.
im in a similar position. i care for my elderly parents. its tough, but its worth it.
i just always remind my siblings what they are missing out on. and i send them pics of the kids with gramms. tell them stories about how the kids just love my folks. and how much i am learning from them. i am in all honesty.
but after a while there is only so much you can do. if they dont pitch in, or come by, what can you do? you cant force them.
what you should do is take care of yourself. be there for your folks and do it with a kind heart. and dont think about those who dont. they dont deserve that much energy from you, and you are only filling your life with poison by having those negative thoughts invade your heart.
let it go and do good. they will eventualy realize that in their parents time of need they were no there. sometimes people realize this too late.
It is a tough thing to do BUT I feel very honored to have been able to be there for them. It was a very hard and sad situation, but I would not trade the experience for the world.
This was my experience also. I have, to some degree, been responsible for my mother for most of my adult life and my father the last few years of his life. Currently, both my mother and my mother-in-law live with my husband and me. It's frustating sometimes, especially since neither of our siblings help out that much. It leaves us with very little time alone and it definitely curtails our freedom some. We wouldn't change a thing, however. We can face ourselves knowing that the sacrifices we make won't even begin to equal the sacrifices our parents made to raise us.
her church big time, my kid sister and brother no not much.
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