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This is the part that always gets me. On the one hand, women want men to see them as more than just sex objects. But when their looks fade, they complain that men aren't paying them attention anymore. So you complain when your looks work in your favor and then complain when they don't. That would be like me being rich and complaining that women only want me for my money, then going broke and complaining that women no longer want me because I'm poor.
I think you're taking liberties with what she said.
To complain both sides here is actually to be consistent because if someone is valuing or devaluing the totality of your person just based on looks, whether in your favor or not, the underlying problem is the appearenced based judgement. And to complain that men aren't paying attention because their looks have faded, how is that endorsing the primacy of appearance? Again, that seems to be disavowing it and a challenge to shallow men, not an example of shallow women.
They're not asking for sympathy. The OP was complaining about the way some people act, so we are providing our opinions as to the reason. If you have a problem with the way someone else deals with life and/or social interactions, then that's exactly what it is: your problem.
I have not seen any of the women on this thread state that they wish for anything other than these guys to at least understand when they are not interested....what do you suggest they do other than try to avoid the initial approach (something reasonable and that a man will truly understand as a "no, I do not want to date you/sleep with you/get to know you beyond this short conversation"??)
We're not talking about the men who can't take a hint. If a man approaches a beautiful woman and she makes it clear she's not interested in him, then he should move on. But who I'm referring to are the people who are so afraid of being approached, who act like being attractive is some kind of curse that they take the preemptive step of putting on an icy exterior just to deter people. I think that's extreme. At work, I might be extremely busy and not want to be bothered. But I won't go into "jerk" mode just to ward people away from my desk no matter how many or how often they show up.
In 3 months on the job, I never went out of my way to talk to anyone and there were at least 2 thefts under my watch, yet they never reported me. Hell, they even said I was the only guard they had they liked. It sure wasn't for my personality.
So? What's your point? Are you just trying to let us know how good looking you are? This thread isn't a competition about who is the best looking or who gets the most attention - it's about why some attractive people come off as unfriendly.
Fear and respect are not even close to being the same.
Hey, as long as I can influence someone to act the way that I want them to, I don't care what they're feeling: fear, respect, little fluttery tummy butterflies...it's all the same.
So? What's your point? Are you just trying to let us know how good looking you are? This thread isn't a competition about who is the best looking or who gets the most attention - it's about why some attractive people come off as unfriendly.
Because 1)***** shields aren't justified, 2)While the majority of attractive people are stuck up, not all are, and 3)I have never put up a shield or was intentionally cold to someone because I didn't want to be approached.
In 3 months on the job, I never went out of my way to talk to anyone and there were at least 2 thefts under my watch, yet they never reported me. Hell, they even said I was the only guard they had they liked. It sure wasn't for my personality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
So? What's your point? Are you just trying to let us know how good looking you are? This thread isn't a competition about who is the best looking or who gets the most attention - it's about why some attractive people come off as unfriendly.
He hasn't proven that he's good looking, only that he stinks at his job. Not something I would be bragging about.
We're not talking about the men who can't take a hint. If a man approaches a beautiful woman and she makes it clear she's not interested in him, then he should move on. But who I'm referring to are the people who are so afraid of being approached, who act like being attractive is some kind of curse that they take the preemptive step of putting on an icy exterior just to deter people. I think that's extreme. At work, I might be extremely busy and not want to be bothered. But I won't go into "jerk" mode just to ward people away from my desk no matter how many or how often they show up.
I'd say that things depend on the situation. Whenever someone has approached me in a nice way at a bar or party or something - I'm always polite. Walking down the streets of Queens, Brooklyn, or Manhattan - I'm not always so friendly and nice. And I don't respond to catcalls, whistles, or inappropriate comments. However, I am easily fooled! Once, I was walking down the block where I used to work - and this guy stopped right in front of me - smiled, and held out his arms to hug me. I figured I must have known him so I let him hug me. He was a bum. Ooops.
Hey, as long as I can influence someone to act the way that I want them to, I don't care what they're feeling: fear, respect, little fluttery tummy butterflies...it's all the same.
You better watch who you try that with. It doesn't work on everyone.
Because 1)***** shields aren't justified, 2)While the majority of attractive people are stuck up, not all are, and 3)I have never put up a shield or was intentionally cold to someone because I didn't want to be approached.
What does being bad at your job but not being fired because you are just too good looking have to do with anything? I'm still trying to figure that one out.
I would say that most people think I'm attractive. I'm not stuck up at all. I put up shields in certain situations because I don't enjoy getting whistled at, catcalled at, obscene things being shouted at me, etc. However, like I said before - I have a feeling this happens to most women with a pulse in certain areas.
I wouldn't even say that the majority of attractive people are stuck up. And some of them are genuinely shy or just extrememly reserved. One of my friends that is gorgeous was just very conservative and reserved. If you didn't know her - you might think that she was cold and stuck up. She wasn't.
But stuck up, b*tchy people come in all shapes and sizes.
Just for the record - just because I know that most people think I'm attractive - it doesn't mean that I think I'm all that. I've actually battled self esteem and eating issues my entire life. It doesn't matter what everyone else sees when they look at you if you don't see the same thing when you look in the mirror. Just sayin'.
I think you're taking liberties with what she said.
To complain both sides here is actually to be consistent because if someone is valuing or devaluing the totality of your person just based on looks, whether in your favor or not, the underlying problem is the appearenced based judgement. And to complain that men aren't paying attention because their looks have faded, how is that endorsing the primacy of appearance? Again, that seems to be disavowing it and a challenge to shallow men, not an example of shallow women.
I never said such women were shallow. I just think it's funny to complain about a standard you once had no trouble taking advantage of when it worked in your favor. Suppose you're an intelligent woman who's accomplished, funny, sweet, etc. A guy approaches you. He knows nothing about you other than how you look and that was reason enough for him to approach. As you get to know each other, he discovers that in addition to your looks, you're also a great person on the inside and that makes him even more attracted to you. Are you still going to complain that your looks gave you an advantage? Of course not. I think the problem a lot of really attractive people have is that they assume the ONLY thing people like about them is their looks. If I see an attractive woman that I want to meet, it's in the hopes that there's more to her than just her looks. If she thinks I only value her for her looks, well then that says something about how she views people.
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