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Show me somebody with a couple of divorces under his or her belt, and I'll show you somebody with really terrible judgment. Yeah, yeah, everybody has the hard-luck stories. But you'd think that after the first divorce, that person would learn their lessons and really be more wise the second time around. The question of tenacity comes up as well. Is this a person who bails when troubles begin?
Somebody who is hetero and unmarried in their 40s brings a different set of issues. Now, I don't think people have to be married by a certain age. I've known guys who waited until their late 30s to start thinking about a long-term relationship, chiefly because they wanted to establish themselves in biz. Yet that also says a lot about their priorities in life--namely that the professional life comes first. And, of course, there are the playboys who basically want to extend adolescence as long as possible. These guys need to be avoided at all costs, because who wants to be emotionally involved with a person who's all about himself?
I'm curious if you really mean this, and if so, why?
I doubt a widower has much less baggage than a divorcee. In fact, he's bringing with him the "soul" of his departed wife. He probably wishes he was still with her, but since he can't be, you're his second choice. Is that really better than him having an ex who he couldn't live with?
I was one of those widowers for awhile (widowed at age 50), and it did seem that women, both married and single, were coming out of the woodwork. I wouldn't consider myself that great of a catch, but I had way too many girlfriends for awhile, and a lot more who dropped not-so-subtle hints. Was it because I was a widower?
I think my "new" wife is more jealous of the memory of my late wife than she is of my ex. That might sound kind of odd, but she knows how I felt about each of them. I'm only glad I'm not with my ex anymore, but I'll love the memory of my late wife as long as I still have a memory.
I don't mean to insinuate that my wife has a jealousy problem, nor that I can't let go of my late wife. We're very happy together and don't have any problems with the past relationships of either of us. Just saying....
I'm curious if you really mean this, and if so, why?
I doubt a widower has much less baggage than a divorcee. In fact, he's bringing with him the "soul" of his departed wife. He probably wishes he was still with her, but since he can't be, you're his second choice. Is that really better than him having an ex who he couldn't live with?
I was one of those widowers for awhile (widowed at age 50), and it did seem that women, both married and single, were coming out of the woodwork. I wouldn't consider myself that great of a catch, but I had way too many girlfriends for awhile, and a lot more who dropped not-so-subtle hints. Was it because I was a widower?
I think my "new" wife is more jealous of the memory of my late wife than she is of my ex. That might sound kind of odd, but she knows how I felt about each of them. I'm only glad I'm not with my ex anymore, but I'll love the memory of my late wife as long as I still have a memory.
I don't mean to insinuate that my wife has a jealousy problem, nor that I can't let go of my late wife. We're very happy together and don't have any problems with the past relationships of either of us. Just saying....
Yes, I do mean it. I would date divorced men too. I'm not sure about men that have never been married and had children though at my age. But then again, I can never say never because I could meet someone who I might want to be with.
And of course I could deal with his love for his wife that has passed. I'd much rather be with someone who stuck with their spouse through good times and bad, wishes she was still there, and wanted to be with her until the day he died. I would never feel like second choice, I would be the current wife and that's it. You can still go on and love someone else. And I would encourage him to keep pictures of her around, I would never want to take that away.
If my husband passed away, I would be devastated, but I would move on eventually, and he would want me to, he would want me to be happy and find someone and I feel the same for him.
Very interesting question!
I don't judge. Period. Ever.
I don't live others' lives.
I don't live inside others' minds.
I don't have others' experiences.
The choices others make are none of my business.
So I have no right to "judge" anyone, ever, about anything.
I get to think about, feel out, and control my choices. That's instant-by-instant power, and quite enough power for me.
The Cops ask if he is married and he slurs "Naw she's just my old lady"
Yes. One of the many indicators of "white trash."
Serial divorcers belong on Jerry Springer and this has been the topic on at least a couple of talk shows I've watched during the summers between grad school.
Have you known any? Not personally for me, but I've had friends or co-workers who have had them as relatives. I'd like to stay as far away as possible.
I worked with one girl whose mother was on her 5th marriage. How does one even want to marry for the 5th time? And who would marry someone knowing it is their mate's 5th time? To cut to the chase, this girl's mother's toxicity had clearly spread to her. She was an angry, litigious employee and was eventually, though not soon enough, shown the door.
40s/never been married: Might have just never found the right person. Could be too shy. There could be issues but you can't judge it right off the bat. I sympathize with these people because I'll be there one day.
40s/multiple divorces: I would assume these people think marriage solves everything when clearly it doesn't. Can be the types who are into the wedding and gifts but don't think they need to work on what comes next. Could be really bad at detecting red flags in people. Scared to be alone. Childhood issues. Divorced Mom and Dad? Several divorces there also? People don't always repeat what their parents do, but I think in this case it happens quite a bit. Person could be abusive. Able to hook people initially but once true colors come out spouses couldn't deal with it. Might always want an accessory/company/adoration/attention. COULD have had a lot of bad luck, but I wouldn't bank on it.
I am in total disagree with this knowing a person. I married my high school sweetheart. I was 15 he 16 when we met. We divorced simply because we both agreed after several years that we just made better friends then husband and wife and divorced. I re-married to a guy that was older then me..this one I did jump into, we divorced after he decided to choke me and bodily throw me out the door..that was it for me. Then I did re-marry to a guy that I had known for 8 years he cheated on me so I divorced him and finally met a wonderful man. We have been together for over 7 years.
People do think that just because someone has been married several times they can't commit or they go after the kind of guys that are just low lifes..my second husband was a Chef and my third was a firefighter so it's not like I was dealing with some low lifes that were hooked on drugs. These were guys that had good careers. So what i'm getting at is you just never know how someone can turn out even after knowing them for years or even considering their background. People can change and people can do things that you wouldn't ever dream they would do. And just because someone has or hasn't been married doesn't give anyone the right to judge..
Very interesting question!
I don't judge. Period. Ever.
I don't live others' lives.
I don't live inside others' minds.
I don't have others' experiences.
The choices others make are none of my business.
So I have no right to "judge" anyone, ever, about anything.
I get to think about, feel out, and control my choices. That's instant-by-instant power, and quite enough power for me.
Wow what a way to live life -- I guess that completely absolves you from ever having to think about morality, at all, for any reason. Ever.
LOL, not offended at all , I never really applied a label to us, but I guess that's what it is. I don't know why it seems to me to be kind of white trashy.
I guess I've seen too many episodes of Cops, when they show up to some domestic dispute and some guy comes out of a trailer dressed in a wife beater and is drunk.
The Cops ask if he is married and he slurs "Naw she's just my old lady"
I thought that after 5 years, you can be considered legally married? Or is there a clause Im missing here...?
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