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I have found out that during my marriage my ex had many affairs. I was unaware of this activity until about a year after the marriage ended, when I became friends with her best friend. Upon investigation I discovered a bunch of people knew. When asked why they never told me the answers ranged from "well, you loved her so I said nothing", to "I believed her excuses" I always thought I'd have wanted to know and would have done something. To the point where I told a good friend it was being done to them. At first the responce was disbelief and a slight case of kill the messanger. The person had believed something might be going on prior to that anyway, but always believed the lame excuses. They have broken up, and the person now thanks me.
Unfortunetly, THERE'S A LOT of this activity going on around me lately behind several of my friends backs. I've changed my mind and now pretty much try telling the persons to please not do this stuff OBVIOUSLY in my presense when I'm friends with the other person. I don't like seeing it.
I've even seen cheating lead to a death recently.
Anybody else been torn by being on the outside having to decide whether to say something or not?
if i was a friend i would tell you. if i was a friend to both parties i would give the cheater the chance to tell you, otherwise i would let you know. i am not trying to be complicit in someones cheating, especially if it is hurting one of my firends.
Yes, but unless it is a family member or very close friend that is being cheated on, then I do not get involved in stuff like this. Too much drama and most people seem to act very immaturely when they find out their loved one is running around and I choose not to put myself in those types of situations.
That's a tough one, I told my sister once and she didn't speak to me for 2 years. So I've had this rule to stay out of these things. However, I do agree with you that in this day and age it definitely should be told. I think I agree with the one, I would let the cheater know that I know. Even if they go back to their SO and convince them it's a lie it would accomplish two things 1. I wouldn't have to feel guilty for not telling and 2. hopefully, that will at least get the other person to start noticing things (even if they don't believe me).
I stay out of it. It's not my business to tell them. Sooner or later the cheater gets caught. However, I'm not immune to spilling the beans anonymously!
I try to never involve myself in other people's intimate relationships. I didn't create the relationship, I can't fix it, it's not my place to tattle on the partners, and I don't belong in a critique circle to evaluate the conduct of the pairing.
It's their relationship, for them to create or exterminate.
I stay out of it. It's not my business to tell them. Sooner or later the cheater gets caught. However, I'm not immune to spilling the beans anonymously!
In this case it took 19 years and I look at my son and wonder...Is he mine? He's big 6'4", blonde hair, very quiet, few friends, very lazy all my others are smaller, dark hair, loud and hyper and very outgoing. He'll always be my son anyway, but...
In this case it took 19 years and I look at my son and wonder...Is he mine? He's big 6'4", blonde hair, very quiet, few friends, very lazy all my others are smaller, dark hair, loud and hyper and very outgoing. He'll always be my son anyway, but...
If he is not does it matter at this point?
I would not put yourself through the emotions of having a DNA test or anything and I would not question it. Easier said than done, but you raised him so yes, of course he is yours! Sperm does not make you a dad, it's the love and care that you put into it day in and day out that makes you his dad.
I feel for you. I cannot even imagine having a question like that in the back of mind.
I try to never involve myself in other people's intimate relationships. I didn't create the relationship, I can't fix it, it's not my place to tattle on the partners, and I don't belong in a critique circle to evaluate the conduct of the pairing.
It's their relationship, for them to create or exterminate.
So no, I won't say anything.
My feelings exactly. I don't know what's going on behind closed doors. I'm in no position to be the judge and don't want to be the deputy.
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