exhusband's new girlfriend is psychoanalyzing my son on visits (woman, family, kids)

[DontH8Me]

Last night my son came home and could barely wait to share all the doo-doo his dad's girlfriend dished him over this past weekend. The woman is apparently delusional and is assuming the Dr. Phil position. She is by profession a jewelry maker (she threads beads and twists metal into curlicues). She is sponging off my ex and contributes nothing to the household, including rent. She probably took a Psych class in community college and now she thinks she's ready to "fix" my son.

Without getting into the details, she is making statements to him about why he feels like this, why he wants that, goes on diatribes about her own political beliefs, etc. She has no kids of her own, and I have asked my ex to have her back off from trying to "parent" our son.

My son has been saving his earnings to buy himself something and unfortunately mentioned this to her. She was actually pressuring him to use his saved money to spend on a gift for his dad, because the card that he made for him just "wasn't enough" - he should buy something for him too as a "sacrifice".

My son doesn't want to hurt her feelings, or his dad's, so he is reluctant to do anything but nod and agree when these "sessions" take place. On top of this, she and my ex are constantly bickering in front of him on visits and he just turns to his video games as an escape from the ca-ca. She is also a big hypocrite - she makes remarks about my son's weight, but she herself is about 50 lbs overweight - and she explains this away to my son by saying that since there's no gas in the apartment, she can't cook healthier meals. Seriously.

I have confronted my ex before to try to improve this situation, but all he does is run to her and relay all the conversations regarding our son back to her, which just gives her more "material" for her self-imposed duty as pseudo- psychoanalyst to my son. My son wants to record some of these chat-sessions because he thinks they are unbelievable. I'm not sure yet how I want to handle this situation but I know I'm not going to discuss it with my ex (for now, because he'll just run to his gf and tell her everything I said as if my concerns as a parent are some big joke).

Does anyone have anything similar that they have dealt with? I am really getting irritated by this woman's quest to interfere with the parenting of my and my ex's son. He's only there every other weekend, btw. I'd rather not include anyone in the immediate family in this until I have a better handle on it, because news travels fast and I don't want it to get back to my ex and his gf.

[artsyguy]

Can you tell the court about this? It doesn't sound good. Especially since you've had a discussion with your ex already.

[DontH8Me]

Originally Posted by artsyguy

Can you tell the court about this? It doesn't sound good. Especially since you've had a discussion with your ex already.

Of course I can tell the court, but I'd like that to be the last resort. I'd prefer not to have to drag him into court to resolve what should be a very simple matter. When I was living with my ex-fiance, I told him flat out that he cannot play dad to my son; he has a dad who he sees fairly regularly, and I told him that if he had an issue with my son, he could tell me and I would address it myself. I don't understand why my ex can't have a similar discussion with his gf, but apparently he thinks nothing of his gf's pep talks with our son.

[WyoNewk]

I sounds like she's just doing what half the people on this site and other chat boards do -- giving her opinions.

Just make sure your son understands that the gal isn't a therapist and that her opinions are just hers and are no more valid than anyone else's.

[artsyguy]

Make sure your son understands that even therapists' opinions are stupid and invalid. :P

Also make sure to tell him he doesn't even have to listen to her because she sounds like a conniving idiot.

[DontH8Me]

Fortunately my son sees through her act and knows she doesn't know what she's talking about. Especially when it comes to him! But I think these high-pressure sells, with her assuming the position of the "all knowing", partnered with the bickering she and my ex put on is making for a quite unenjoyable weekend at his dad's house. I'm concerned that my son will eventually not even want to go on the visits, and then I'll be the one who "talked his head full of trash" and "manipulated" my son to be against them.

[SactoBankerGirl]

How old is your son?

[DontH8Me]

Originally Posted by SactoBankerGirl

How old is your son?

He's 15.

[artsyguy]

lol omg. That is pitiful. I thought he was like 5 or 6.

Originally Posted by DontH8Me

He's 15.

[WyoNewk]

Originally Posted by DontH8Me

Fortunately my son sees through her act and knows she doesn't know what she's talking about.

In that case, you don't have much to worry about.

I'm concerned that my son will eventually not even want to go on the visits, and then I'll be the one who "talked his head full of trash" and "manipulated" my son to be against them.

How old is your son?