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I have a lady friend I have known for about 20 years. She is clearly above average in attractiveness and has never been married. We have been friends since "after college," since we went to 2 different universities and met through common friends. Shortly after college, I moved out of state. She has more recently moved out of state and I have traveled on vacation to visit her in her new city. Over the years, we have managed to keep in touch. I'm also above average looking (from the feedback I get) but have never expected anything from her, especially after learning of sexual trauma in her childhood. More recently, we were speaking over the phone and she told me of a new friend of hers (definitely platonic). She relayed that she had told this person about me, that she wanted all of us to get together for coffee, and that she told him "I was like a brother to her." (Again, I know enough of the situation with this new friend of hers and it is most definitely platonic as well).
Even though there is nothing going on, I did not appreciate this comment at all. It is not flattering. I have started to rethink whether I should waste the time and money to go to her new city to visit her, even though it is a reasonably nice place, when there are so many places one can go on vacation.
If you both have known each other for 20 years, and have kept in touch, but it has been on a friendship bases, then why are you upset with her comment about you being like a brother to her? That tells me that she respects you. You must have more feelings for her than just friendship, or this wouldn`t upset you so.
I think she holds you in high regard. The fact that you are upset about the comment tells me that you want something more from her than just friendship. That's how I interpret it.
Did you secretly hope some romance would happen? Or else, how is visiting a good, long time friend a "waste"? What were your motives for visiting her?
That is a very high compliment from a woman's perspective. But now I am worried, because I've told my best male friend he is like my brother, meaning he is beyond a friend, but family to me. He used to have a crush on me as teens, but has been over it for awhile. He's called me his little sis, so I think there was no offense taken....
My thoughts. Were you expecting something more out of her in the future? Is this why you will not spend money to visit her, realizing that you are like a brother to her?
You have known each other for twenty years. Why would things change in the future?
If you both have known each other for 20 years, and have kept in touch, but it has been on a friendship bases, then why are you upset with her comment about you being like a brother to her? That tells me that she respects you. You must have more feelings for her than just friendship, or this wouldn`t upset you so.
Good point. I understand why you may think that. My feeling is that I would never refer to her as a "sister," as this could be a "little" insulting. This, IMO, would be belittling to either gender. It kind of devalues someone's attractiveness and when, over all those years, there hasn't been a "move" in either direction, it didn't need to be said.
I'm not that ticked off. I'm just reevaluating how much energy I would expend to vacation there in the future. NO, I did not expect anything to happen. Seriously. I just wish it hadn't been phrased that way.
Did you secretly hope some romance would happen? Or else, how is visiting a good, long time friend a "waste"? What were your motives for visiting her?
That is a very high compliment from a woman's perspective. But now I am worried, because I've told my best male friend he is like my brother, meaning he is beyond a friend, but family to me. He used to have a crush on me as teens, but has been over it for awhile. He's called me his little sis, so I think there was no offense taken....
I agree here. If a man is like a brother to me, he is a very important person in my life. If he drops me like a hot potato for not wanting to lay down with him, good for me, I suppose. Wouldn't wanna lay with my brother.
so what you are saying is that you wish she saw you as more than just a "brother".
not flaterring? i would be happy someone considered me part of their family and admitted we were more than just friends. she is pronouncing the fact that your bond is deeper than friends. its is family.
but obviously thats not enough for you.
your displeasure with her choice of words shows that you are expecting more from her.
i also think that deciding not to visit her would be an immature thing.
her words would prompt me to visit! they considered me family after all. thats such a nice gesture.
ultimately, if you do have strong romantic feelings, you should voice them... at the risk of being rejected and creating some discomfort.
if she turns you down, then you have a justifiable reason not to visit her : youre mending a broken heart
if she accepts your proposal, then you get to fly off into the sunset.
either way it is telling that you take exception to her choice of words.
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