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I kinda knew I'd get this type of respose. I've cut him off sexually, adn I don't plan to see him that oftenanymore. However, Last time I didn't answer his phone calls, he showed up at my door worried about me. His feeling for me are genuine but you are all right. If he cares for me, likes spending time with me and enjoys me sexually this much than why am I not good enough to be with. I don't think He wants to let me go yet I don't think he wants the comitment anymore. I'm sure he loves being able to talk to anyone in anyway he likes without feeling guilty. I need to show him that I don't "need" him anymore. How do you get over someone whom you were sure was "the one". Something I didn't mention was that he has a son. 5 years old now, so I've basically been there since he was 2. God I miss him. Its like loosing a son of my own. to add, his family and I were really close, so close 2 of his sisters are my good friends. I'm afraid I'll never be able to get him out of my life and move on. And Yes... I'm not even close to being over him even after all he has put me though.
I'd like to know how people turn attraction on and off as if it's some faucet... In my experience if it can be turned off it never was there to begin with.
I can tell ya it happens, in my case it was the other party that helped it along.
I kinda knew I'd get this type of respose. I've cut him off sexually, adn I don't plan to see him that oftenanymore. However, Last time I didn't answer his phone calls, he showed up at my door worried about me. His feeling for me are genuine but you are all right. If he cares for me, likes spending time with me and enjoys me sexually this much than why am I not good enough to be with. I don't think He wants to let me go yet I don't think he wants the comitment anymore. I'm sure he loves being able to talk to anyone in anyway he likes without feeling guilty. I need to show him that I don't "need" him anymore. How do you get over someone whom you were sure was "the one". Something I didn't mention was that he has a son. 5 years old now, so I've basically been there since he was 2. God I miss him. Its like loosing a son of my own. to add, his family and I were really close, so close 2 of his sisters are my good friends. I'm afraid I'll never be able to get him out of my life and move on. And Yes... I'm not even close to being over him even after all he has put me though.
I've tried being friends with exes and it's never really worked. I have one as a "friend" on Facebook but we never have any personal interaction any more, although we did for several years after our break up. Another e-mails me once every six months or so. That's it. I tried and tried to stay friends (with benefits) with my last ex-boyfriend but like so many have said on this board, for him it was just about sex and he didn't need or want anything more than that from me. Once he started dating someone new, I was kicked to the curb so fast the wind was knocked out of me. I don't think he's a bad person, but we can't be friends. I miss him and still think about him way more often than I should, but since contact has been cut off I feel more free to go out and pursue my interests, and even date (if anyone would ever ask me out )
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,000,387 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeanACM
He's using you sweet heart..
And, of course, you're letting him, probably thinking he'll change his mind b'c of it. It doesn't happen that way. Cut him loose and move on. Been there....
I kinda knew I'd get this type of respose. I've cut him off sexually, adn I don't plan to see him that oftenanymore. However, Last time I didn't answer his phone calls, he showed up at my door worried about me. His feeling for me are genuine but you are all right. If he cares for me, likes spending time with me and enjoys me sexually this much than why am I not good enough to be with. I don't think He wants to let me go yet I don't think he wants the comitment anymore. I'm sure he loves being able to talk to anyone in anyway he likes without feeling guilty. I need to show him that I don't "need" him anymore. How do you get over someone whom you were sure was "the one". Something I didn't mention was that he has a son. 5 years old now, so I've basically been there since he was 2. God I miss him. Its like loosing a son of my own. to add, his family and I were really close, so close 2 of his sisters are my good friends. I'm afraid I'll never be able to get him out of my life and move on. And Yes... I'm not even close to being over him even after all he has put me though.
You are not close to getting over him because you keep seeing him and secretly hoping. This is dangerous for you because it will never end. He has the best of both worlds: He has you as a friend and really calls the shots, however unintentionally that may be. He controls the whole situation. Of course he will keep calling - he benefits from your friendship. You get over him only if you never see him again and then you can open yourself up to others. I know - I've been there, believe me. You can't go on how you feel - you have to practice being apart permanently from him and anyone who knows him and gives you news about him as that will only keep this thing going. Trust me. This is the only way. I promise you. It won't happen overnight - it takes time - but be willing to go through this painful time in order to move forward eventually. PLEASE. Keep yourself as busy as possible - socially and in other ways.
I'd like to know how people turn attraction on and off as if it's some faucet... In my experience if it can be turned off it never was there to begin with.
It can be. Look at the high number of marriages that end in divorce. The sad thing is, people can end up despising someone they once felt a lot of passion for, and they can loose their attraction to that person.
In a divorce with kids, I think it's possible for the ex'es to maintain a kind of friendship especially if the attraction is gone. No bitterness, no hate, no jealousy because if the kids still come first for both, the partnership still exists.
It can be. Look at the high number of marriages that end in divorce.
I don't think loss of the attraction itself is a reason for a divorce often ... I don't know... I tend to be objective. Even if I can't stand somebody I'd acknowledge he/she is good-looking, for instance.
I think its a really good thing, if ex`s can remain on a friendship level.
That doesn`t mean that just because the two of you shared a bedroom once,that the two of you want to still remain on that level..no matter how they look.
IMO there is a distinct difference between friendship and civility.
For an example, a couple I know were married a number of years and had two children, one severely handicapped. He played around and they divorced, the divorce was bitter but they still had two young children, one with very special needs, they both loved their children.
They put aside the bitterness, they were both in professional careers and took turns with the kids with business travel, meetings or whatever, worked well together for the kids' sakes. Years later they would sometimes meet for lunch -- but there was no passion, even after the one child died and the other grew up and moved away. When he became ill with cancer, his girlfriends were all long gone from the picture, his ex was there -- only as a friend according to her, she no longer viewed him as more than that. Through thick and thin, they still shared something of their lives together, she helped arrange the funeral.
My brother and his ex are semi-friends. He'll help her buy a vehicle, fix her car for her. She can call him if she needs help and they share custody with their child. They went so far as to take a trip together as strictly friends because one decided to take the child to Disneyland and the other was adamant they wanted to take her the first trip there -- they fought and ended up both taking her. Separate rooms and all.
I think its a really good thing, if ex`s can remain on a friendship level.
That doesn`t mean that just because the two of you shared a bedroom once,that the two of you want to still remain on that level..no matter how they look.
Sorry, yankee, but I find this concept ridiculous. So does Oscar Wilde, btw. Most people break up precisely because they're NOT friends. Had they been these good friends, they'd stay together and work out whatever problems they have. So what are we talking about...?
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Most people break up precisely because they're NOT friends. Had they been these good friends, they'd stay together and work out whatever problems they have. So what are we talking about...?
