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I am just reaching out, venting and looking for some thoughts on this.
I have been married for 17.5 years.. I have 5 kids ranging from 16 down to 4 years of age. I have had cancer, PCOS, ITP, hypothyroidism and many other health issues that I have to be careful with for the rest of my life.
I have not worked through out this whole marriage.
I have easy access to the bank account and the ability to rack up a lot of bills if wanted to...
I talk freely in my home, but not without verbal attacks back at me for doing so.
I am not held at home without my consent... I suppose.. but I am not freely allowed to go anywhere without having to put through a great deal of emotional and verbal as well as mental abuse before being able to go...
Here is my dilemma... I have a long history with this man .. not to mention our five children... He stays with me in my belief because of appearances... He knows that he would look bad to the outside world to just abandon the kids and I... He was very much raised to be appearance based... So the world in no way sees what the kids and I see every day with him.
He isn't all that physical and when he is ... it rarely happens... I am not excusing that behavior... I am just saying the main abuse here is verbal, mental and emotional...
He on a DAILY basis tells the kids and I how stupid we are and worthless we are... I am a lazy *ss pig and getting fatter by the day. ( I do admit I am very much overweight and wish I was not). My kids are santans spawn and I am a crazy ***ch that will never be anything but a burden... I have cost him to much money already on hospital bills and doc bills due to all of my tainted blood illnesses... I don't deserve to have anything and I am lucky I have him... He also tells the kids that they will never have anything as long as he lives... he wont spend a dime on them... (I guess it is a good thing that I have access to the bank account.)
He also feels that it is a real man that goes to porn sites while the kids are readily present in the home as well as watch that type of stuff on TV.... He stares at teenage girls walking down the street and embarrasses my teenage kids as it is their class mates he is staring at....
He has been arrested twice for slapping my kids... His physical abuse was REALLY bad toward the kids and myself for a very long time... with knocking them to the floor throwing them around the room and so forth... He would only hit me when I would try to stop him or get him away from the kids... but he called it disciplining me.
It wasn't until the last 4 years that my older two decided to call the police if he hit them again.. it just so happens he slapped them due to them being mouthy with him.. He was on a rampage both times calling names verbally attacking and so forth and they chimed in and told him to shut his flipping mouth so to speak and that he needed to grow up or get out.. and though it wasn't anything compared to the hitting they usually received from their dad... they figured it was time to call...
I will say I am VERY ashamed that I never left nor called the police myself.. I was and still am afraid to leave him... More because he is our only financial stability... I have never worked and most companies wont hire me due to my ITP as it is what they call an insurance risk.....
I need the insurance to go to the doctors regularly so that I can remain healthy and he has it through his work...
I am also ashamedly to say afraid to be alone.. None of this makes me proud or makes me feel like I am not in some way to blame... I know that most women would have left a long time ago...
He says he is sorry each and every time... then we are all supposed to pretend like nothing every happened....
I have had way to many years living like this and to be honest... I am probably more unhealthy now then I was when I met him.. .most likely due to all of the stress.... We currently live in Fillmore California and if my husband has his choice he will keep us right here... He likes the fact that other then walking out my front door ... there is nothing to do here.. and he wont easily let me go anywhere... So I am a prisoner inside my own home .... and marriage....
I just received my GED two years ago ... I am 37 years of age.... My husband makes sure to tell me everyday just how stupid I am and only stupid people have GED's and how I am to old wrinkly and stupid for anyone to take notice. .just an uneducated fool...
I am not sure what I am looking for to hear back from any of you... I am not even sure that anyone will respond... I just needed to vent... most of all..
Where did you originally post it? It fits in with the relationships thread, so this is the best place for it to be.
Do you have any friends and/or family to turn to? This relationship sounds very destructive and your husband sounds awful. I would do everything possible to get out of there - contact a battered woman's organization.
Gypsi, you need to GET OUT OF THERE, NOW..Call a shelter, there has to be an organization near you where you and your kids can be safe....please take care of yourself!
I am just reaching out, venting and looking for some thoughts on this.
I have been married for 17.5 years.. I have 5 kids ranging from 16 down to 4 years of age. I have had cancer, PCOS, ITP, hypothyroidism and many other health issues that I have to be careful with for the rest of my life.
I have not worked through out this whole marriage.
I have easy access to the bank account and the ability to rack up a lot of bills if wanted to...
I talk freely in my home, but not without verbal attacks back at me for doing so.
I am not held at home without my consent... I suppose.. but I am not freely allowed to go anywhere without having to put through a great deal of emotional and verbal as well as mental abuse before being able to go...
Here is my dilemma... I have a long history with this man .. not to mention our five children... He stays with me in my belief because of appearances... He knows that he would look bad to the outside world to just abandon the kids and I... He was very much raised to be appearance based... So the world in no way sees what the kids and I see every day with him.
He isn't all that physical and when he is ... it rarely happens... I am not excusing that behavior... I am just saying the main abuse here is verbal, mental and emotional...
He on a DAILY basis tells the kids and I how stupid we are and worthless we are... I am a lazy *ss pig and getting fatter by the day. ( I do admit I am very much overweight and wish I was not). My kids are santans spawn and I am a crazy ***ch that will never be anything but a burden... I have cost him to much money already on hospital bills and doc bills due to all of my tainted blood illnesses... I don't deserve to have anything and I am lucky I have him... He also tells the kids that they will never have anything as long as he lives... he wont spend a dime on them... (I guess it is a good thing that I have access to the bank account.)
He also feels that it is a real man that goes to porn sites while the kids are readily present in the home as well as watch that type of stuff on TV.... He stares at teenage girls walking down the street and embarrasses my teenage kids as it is their class mates he is staring at....
He has been arrested twice for slapping my kids... His physical abuse was REALLY bad toward the kids and myself for a very long time... with knocking them to the floor throwing them around the room and so forth... He would only hit me when I would try to stop him or get him away from the kids... but he called it disciplining me.
It wasn't until the last 4 years that my older two decided to call the police if he hit them again.. it just so happens he slapped them due to them being mouthy with him.. He was on a rampage both times calling names verbally attacking and so forth and they chimed in and told him to shut his flipping mouth so to speak and that he needed to grow up or get out.. and though it wasn't anything compared to the hitting they usually received from their dad... they figured it was time to call...
I will say I am VERY ashamed that I never left nor called the police myself.. I was and still am afraid to leave him... More because he is our only financial stability... I have never worked and most companies wont hire me due to my ITP as it is what they call an insurance risk.....
I need the insurance to go to the doctors regularly so that I can remain healthy and he has it through his work...
I am also ashamedly to say afraid to be alone.. None of this makes me proud or makes me feel like I am not in some way to blame... I know that most women would have left a long time ago...
He says he is sorry each and every time... then we are all supposed to pretend like nothing every happened....
I have had way to many years living like this and to be honest... I am probably more unhealthy now then I was when I met him.. .most likely due to all of the stress.... We currently live in Fillmore California and if my husband has his choice he will keep us right here... He likes the fact that other then walking out my front door ... there is nothing to do here.. and he wont easily let me go anywhere... So I am a prisoner inside my own home .... and marriage....
I just received my GED two years ago ... I am 37 years of age.... My husband makes sure to tell me everyday just how stupid I am and only stupid people have GED's and how I am to old wrinkly and stupid for anyone to take notice. .just an uneducated fool...
I am not sure what I am looking for to hear back from any of you... I am not even sure that anyone will respond... I just needed to vent... most of all..
Gypsy, I really didn't concentrate really hard on your post-- just skimmed it because it is pretty obvious that you as well as your kids are in a very unfortunate abusive situation.
To me, the goal would be to get him in counseling with you to hopefully realize he is abusive and needs to change, but it doesn't seem likely from what you posted. I feel pretty safe in sayiing you are probably way better off without him. good luck
What a sad story! So many women stay in an abusive relationship because they are afraid to leave, afraid to be alone, and for financial reasons, as well as thinking "its best for the kids."
A situation like this one, it is NOT best for the kids. Matter of fact, its beyond belief that you have left them in this household with this man.
I do understand why you felt you were trapped with your health issues and such, but there IS help out there, if you want it bad enough.
I think you said that your 37? Its not too late to get your life back, and help your kids by getting them away from the abuse.
There are women shelters, and other organizations that you can look into for assistance.
Maybe your family would be willing to help you get out of this marriage?
My heart goes out to you. Know that you are not alone, and find it within yourself to raise your head up, and finish raising your kids, the right way!!!
Gypsi, you need to GET OUT OF THERE, NOW..Call a shelter, there has to be an organization near you where you and your kids can be safe....please take care of yourself!
Do any of you really know what the life of a woman with 5 children looks like after being in a shelter for a little while?! I don't and I don't mean to be offensive or advocate abuse. Just wondering if anybody who always jumps to this conclusion so quickly does know and can give some positive examples... For some reason, nobody ever shares such stories.
I`m not positive, but I thought that a womans shelter will keep her safe from her husband, while they help feed and clothe them. Possibily help set them up? I know someone who works in a womens shelter. I may have to give her a call to find out.
I do know that they keep it locked down to where not just anybody can walk in.
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Don't know what to tell you, though...
