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If you don't like the way he is, don't be with him. Nobody changes after marriage. Most people just feel comfortable enough to be more like themselves after marriage so chances are that he'll be even more possesive.
My husband was possessive before we got married. It was partly his ignorance about how a relationship was supposed to be, and partly insecurity. I had to be patient and I made an effort to not have any secretive tendencies to make him more comfortable and eventually, he did relax and calm down.
In your case, it does appear that this kind of behavior was acceptable in past relationships and he expected it from his past girlfriends as well. I don't know if yours will change or not.
Has he been burned in the past? That might account for it also.
Signs are when you cannot talk with any member of the opposite sex that isn't a close relative without suspicions and questions and accusations. A coworker calls to ask a question about a work matter and a possessive partner will become jealous, if you run into buddies of the opposite sex, share a joke, talk about anything, a nomal BF/GF doesn't blink an eye, a possessive one will be set off. Monopolization of your time is a sign.
No, normally after marriage it becomes worse because possessive people see marriage as a kind of ownership of another person.
You said it well. Unfortunately, many young, inexperienced women initially are flattered by this behaviour. Its often under some control before marriage but afterwards, look out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 If you think before marriage they are possessive, just wait until you get married!
Are you speaking from experience? Do tell...
People with experience would only be able to tell you after they get a divorce. This is often difficult to do from such men. In many cases, where men murder their spouse, its in this type of relationship.
I will never get involved with a possessive man again. Been there, done that and it was AWFUL.
I knew he was like that before I married him, and I was a huge fool for going through with it. I put up with it for 13 years before I grew balls and got out. I could tell you stories that would make your jaw drop, but I won't go there. Concern for ones safety and possessiveness are very different.
I can't speak for everyone, but often times, people that are possessive and controlling can end up being very abusive, whether it's verbally, physically or both. They may have something from a past relationship that they just aren't letting go of, but if they are unable to let go of it or just don't have a particular reason, you may not want to stick around to find out if things can get worse.
My husband was possessive before we got married. It was partly his ignorance about how a relationship was supposed to be, and partly insecurity. I had to be patient and I made an effort to not have any secretive tendencies to make him more comfortable and eventually, he did relax and calm down.
In your case, it does appear that this kind of behavior was acceptable in past relationships and he expected it from his past girlfriends as well. I don't know if yours will change or not.
Has he been burned in the past? That might account for it also.
Yep, his first girlfriend cheated on him... so now, he says that he wants to make sure before its too late...
Yep, his first girlfriend cheated on him... so now, he says that he wants to make sure before its too late...
Jeremy and I had that problem. You just have to set him straight on it. That's a personal thing he has to let go of and realize that not all women are going to cheat on him. That's what I had to explain to him. And him and I were together before! (high school sweethearts) At the same time, I was cheated on and treated very badly by my ex but I'm secure enough to remember not all men are the same and I have to be very guarded with my heart but also try not to put someone else's mistakes on the person I'm with.
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