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Friendships are just like any other relationship. They require both parties to put in the time and energy. I've lost friendships because the other person was too busy or always expecting me to do the heavy lifting. After a while, you realize the friendship means more to you than it does the other person. But I don't cut the person off. Instead, I just match whatever effort they're putting into it. Just mirror them and either they friendship withers away or the other person realizes you're not around as much and then asks why.
I firmly believe that in life, we all only have a very small number of people we can truly refer to as “friends.” The rest are hangout buddies, drink buddies, or nothing more than glorified acquaintances.
I also believe that we all change as we grow older, and sometimes, it is inevitable that two people who were very close during one stage of life will simply not be close in a later stage.
One of my closest friends from the ages of 14 to my early 30s is out of my life and I doubt that he and I will ever hang out again the way we once did.
Sometimes we do our best to keep a friendship alive, but if the other party isn’t reciprocating, what can we do? If the other party is lazy, non-proactive, passive, lacks any initiative, doesn’t call to make plans, doesn’t call even to say hello, we cannot force them to change.
I’m finding that as I enter my mid-to-late 30s that most people are just like that – they are too much into themselves and they are frankly too selfish and too lazy to make a real effort to be “friends” to others. That’s life.
I felt like I was the only one investing in it and he was along for the ride if it was convenient for him. If it required him to invest into it, he didn't step up to the plate. I always tried to be a friend. For instance, he's been having a hard time getting up in time for work, so I committed to calling every morning to make sure he was up - even on my days off that I could have slept in. For the past 2 months I have invited him to get together for a night out. He flat out turned me down in December because he didn't feel like it, but then promptly went out with another group of friends that same weekend (it was organized after I had been turned down), and this month he blew me off .. and already has a group outing that he just organized for next weekend that I am not invited to. Today is his B-day, I was going to try to do something nice since his family lives 2500 miles away.. dinner and a cake or something, but I can't bring myself to go out of my way for someone who I do not feel is being straight up with me.
Thanks for listening.
I re-read all this and exactly what were his "best friend" qualities? He sounds like he's not into you at all, and you're in love with him? You do seem to know intimate details about his life. Sounds like a total player.
I've had friendships just sort of fade away over the years. The only time I can think of that I actually broke off a friendship was about 3 years ago. A friend that I thought would never do such a thing got drunk and beat his g/f up. There is no room in my life for guys who do this. Anger. Drunk. She provokes it. Maybe all those are true. But you should have chose the option of just walking away.
Things a friend will do....listen, share a laugh or two, pick you up when you're down, provide emotional support, buy you a beer or two, borrow your lawnmower, lend you there's.
Things somebody who want's it to be more than friendship will do...ANYTHING! Listen ENDLESSLY, Laugh all night long at your stupid jokes, plan birthday parties, ask you out a lot, bring over a case and ask what are we doing, sleep with you, mow your lawn, and aparently get up on days off early to play wake up call.
Sometimes we do our best to keep a friendship alive, but if the other party isn’t reciprocating, what can we do? If the other party is lazy, non-proactive, passive, lacks any initiative, doesn’t call to make plans, doesn’t call even to say hello, we cannot force them to change.
I’m finding that as I enter my mid-to-late 30s that most people are just like that – they are too much into themselves and they are frankly too selfish and too lazy to make a real effort to be “friends” to others. That’s life.
Sad, but true. I learned to not make time for friends who can't make time for me.
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is totally beyond me!
