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I fell head over heels in love with a woman, and I was told the feeling was mutual and was made to feel this was true. We recently moved in together and now it feels like things have taken a strange and confusing turn. She tells me she hasn't felt like having sex in a couple of weeks, and she's still affectionate and we don't fight, but sometimes she seems distant. We cuddle in bed, and at other times we kiss and hug, but that's it. And she assures me verbally that she is in it for the long term.
And yet... I feel like the spark she used to feel for me has diminished. Is this normal? Or should I be concerned? And what's the best course of action?
Could be any number of things. Maybe now that you are available to her on a constant basis since you moved in together things have tapered off for her. Things are always hot and heavy in the beginning. Sometimes it lasts and sometimes it doesn't. For now take her word for it and let things take it's course. If you find after a few weeks that she's still not in the mood, have a talk with her and express your concerns. Maybe she's going through some stuff--either mentally, emotionally or physically that she hasn't discussed with you and just wants to work through herself.
Could she be having health issues? A friend of mine just had a bad pap smear and though she adores her husband, I'm guessing that she's not in the mood these days. A. It hurts more. B. She doesn't want to tell him yet b/c she doesn't want him to worry.
I fell head over heels in love with a woman, and I was told the feeling was mutual and was made to feel this was true. We recently moved in together and now it feels like things have taken a strange and confusing turn. She tells me she hasn't felt like having sex in a couple of weeks, and she's still affectionate and we don't fight, but sometimes she seems distant. We cuddle in bed, and at other times we kiss and hug, but that's it. And she assures me verbally that she is in it for the long term.
And yet... I feel like the spark she used to feel for me has diminished. Is this normal? Or should I be concerned? And what's the best course of action?
To me it sounds like she just doesn't like sex all that much. Many people don't (more likely to be women, but some men as well). I suggest you have a frank discussion with her now, nip it in the bud before things really go downhill. Tell you how you feel, and ask her why she isn't sleeping with you anymore. (In a non-confrontational way of course!)
Wow what a tough situation. I can understand your apprehension abut a sexless relationship, it definitely wouldnt work out long term.
Im not sure whether the problem came from her stress or from living together. Do you feel like your almost like roommates instead of romantic partners? I suggest maybe spending more time outside the house, maybe since you see each other so often now, you dont spend as much time doing the fun things you used to do. You definitely need to try to woo her and provide also a relaxing environment for her to get her mind off her stress.
Goodluck! but remember to take care of yourself too so your not resentful over how she is right now.
Just over the last day since writing my original post, things have felt a bit brighter. She's definitely moody. This is something I learned almost right away about her. So maybe I should learn to relax and be patient.
We're definitely still romantic partners. Even when we haven't had sex in the past, we've been very physically affectionate. I am just hoping not to let things fall into the roommate phase. I've been there and don't want that again.
She definitely has enjoyed sex so far in our relationship--in fact, I'd say her drive until now has been greater than mine! And she does still tell me, unprompted, that she thinks I'm physically attractive, and that she thinks other women think so too.
At the same time, I'm also trying to be careful that I don't convey the wrong message, that all I want her for is sex. Our relationship is so much more than that for me. So I'm trying to be careful not to bring the topic up too often.
How long did you know one another before you moved in together? Could you perhaps have moved too fast?
OMYGOSH, I was just about to type the exact same thing!
Great minds...
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