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suffer from moderate social phobias and excessive preoccupation with what other people think of them? I take Paxil and tho it has helped, it doesn't stop the constant preoccupation. I mean i have a job with a lot of interpersonal contact with clients(but they are mentally ill so they are distorted and don't even see me the way non-mentally ill do), but my preoccupation is with staff. and hat they think As I type this from my office computer i thought i heard someone describe me as boring just now. Although i am less anxious about this type of thing(probably from the paxil) the preoccupation has not stopped
In general, I've found that people are far more interested in themselves than they are in other people. So, you're probably doing just fine and worrying unnecessarily.
You could take on some sort of activity like dance classes, public speaking, or community theater. That kind of exposure and training would take you far out of your comfort level and eventually give you more poise and confidence.
I usually say this to arrogant, self absorbed people....no one should ever presume to be that important. Your issues are more insecurity driven, but it still holds true.
I have a friend who is one of the sweetest, well meaning women I know, but she is paranoid about people screwing her over. I've told her the same thing. It doesn't tackle her issues internally, but it changes the reality of the world around her. If they really don't care that much, then all she needs to do is work on her insides and not tackle both......if that makes any sense.
All that worrying about what other people think of you hasn't changed anything, has it? And why spend all those precious hours thinking about something you have no control over anyway? I would think it more important to know who you are and value yourself.
And as for being boring, that's just name calling by someone who doesn't have a life and has to comment on yours. Ignore people like that.
suffer from moderate social phobias and excessive preoccupation with what other people think of them? I take Paxil and tho it has helped, it doesn't stop the constant preoccupation. I mean i have a job with a lot of interpersonal contact with clients(but they are mentally ill so they are distorted and don't even see me the way non-mentally ill do), but my preoccupation is with staff. and hat they think As I type this from my office computer i thought i heard someone describe me as boring just now. Although i am less anxious about this type of thing(probably from the paxil) the preoccupation has not stopped
Any common experiences?
I USED to be like that cuz I got bullied a lot in junior high (I was like 11, 12, 13 back then,I'm now 25). I was TERRIFIED of interacting with people.... I don't know exactly how I started to get over the social anxiety, but what I DO know is now I PURPOSELY will try to make an a$% of myself just to make people laugh. If I ever did something where people would laugh at me in the PAST I would turn BRIGHT red and feel like fainting. Now I just laugh along with them.........
and frankly if people have a problem with me and want to talk CRAP about me....... the way I see it is LOVE ME OR HATE ME IT'S STILL AN OBSSESSION! (All they're gossip is just making me famous! :P) BUt seriously..... you just have to build some confidence and be a TEENY bit arrogant about yourself sometimes........ that's the only way. When you finally just DON'T CARE what people think that's when you'll feel liberated from social anxiety.
(I think in my case I was always trying to go for that SHOCK factor....I'd do my hair with CRAZY colors just cuz I wanted to be different, or I'd wear something REALLY different so that I made peoples heads turn..... Once you hold your head high you won't feel so anxious of what people think)
(OH and people that gossip usually have NOTHING better to do because they're BOREDDDDDD with a capital B. If they were entertained by their lives they wouldn't have time to make comments like that. Once you ignore what others think, and focus on things you enjoy and things that make you happy you realize you don't even have time to worry what others think!)
suffer from moderate social phobias and excessive preoccupation with what other people think of them? I take Paxil and tho it has helped, it doesn't stop the constant preoccupation. I mean i have a job with a lot of interpersonal contact with clients(but they are mentally ill so they are distorted and don't even see me the way non-mentally ill do), but my preoccupation is with staff. and hat they think As I type this from my office computer i thought i heard someone describe me as boring just now. Although i am less anxious about this type of thing(probably from the paxil) the preoccupation has not stopped
Any common experiences?
Let's say I was standing outside your office and you overheard me as I described you as boring. Now what? So? Big deal. Did you have a life changing event because you overheard my conversation? Will tomorrow some how be different from today? Paxil won't solve anything nor will it enhance your love life. Oh no what if people start taking about your love life? Will you be the first person to ever die of embarrassment? What is worst thing that will happen? Keep taking this "What if" game as far as you can, until you realize nothing will happen. Voilà , you'll be cured!
For much of my life I worried about what other people thought of me. To some degree I still consider myself somewhat of a people pleaser (as if my own opinion, idea about where to go out to eat, etc. doesn't count). I'm learning as I get older, however, that most people are so wrapped up in themselves and their own issues that they're not really all that concerned about me. I feel far freer now to express myself, dress for myself and voice my thoughts and opinions.
I've also learned that life is much better and far more joyful if we go outside of ourselves and focus on others. It sometimes requires going outside of our comfort zones, but it is so worth it (at least in my experience).
and actually I have a "friend" (more like an acquaintance) who is SUPER paranoid like this....... if I write a blog on my website she IMMEDIATELY assumes its about HER! (In all actuality I've NEVER written ANY blogs about her!)........ to me, her paranoia and assumptions are starting to get EXTREMELY ANNOYING........ because me and my other friends have to constantly explain and RE-explain that things aren't DIRECTED AT HER........... (From an outsiders perspective now that I'm NOT paranoid like this anymore, seeing my "friends" paranoia..... to me it always seems like EVERYTHING is ALL about her....... her her her........ since she always assumes things are written or said about HER).......
She very obviously lacks confidence in herself (Which is sad because she is a very pretty girl who is USUALLY very nice and sweet)....... I WISH she had more confidence in herself because honestly, dealing with her "craziness" when she starts assuming things is like having to deal with someone who is 13-14 and starting to go through puberty and adolescence....... it's very juvenile sometimes. And like I said above, it gets OLD and annoying REALLY fast to have to explain things out to her a million times
"Social Anxiety" can be a debilitating condition. In my experience, it is often misunderstood ("she's just shy") or pooh-poohed by those who don't have it or live with someone who does. Often, those who live with it are told by well-meaning friends and family "Don't spend so much time worrying about what other people think!"
Oh, if it were only that easy to control one's thoughts!
Rlrl, if you're already taking Paxil, is it safe to assume you're talking with a medical professional about this? Or a therapist? Or both? If not, those may be some things to consider. In addition, do some internet research on Social Anxiety. If you can get yourself to a bookstore or library, try that, too. Some people with SA are too uncomfortable to go to such crowded places voluntarily, so that's why I suggested internet research as well.
Good luck. SA is a tough condition to deal with, but much more common than many people realize.
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