I kind of like this girl but she's hooked up with my friend before (dating, marriage)
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There's this girl I kind of like and I'm thinking about asking her for Valentine's day and maybe something beyond that but I do have some reservations about her because she's hooked up with one of my friends before twice. It's not so much that its with my friend as its that she hooked up with SOMEONE and had sex outside of a relationship. I tend to be a conservative person so I don't think highly of thigns like that. I'm okay with sex before marriage but it should at least be in a serious relationship. Now everyone says that my friend is the only person this girl has hooked up with and that she does even go making out with guys at bars a lot. I know plenty of other girls who are sluts and hook up regularly with random people. At least this girl I like knows my friend through some other mutual friends and roommates.
I don't even know if I'll have a chance with this girl but should I think less of her for hooking up with someone? Does this make her a bad person? Should I question this person's morals and values because of it? I've been told to not be so conservative and that its okay to have sex outside of relationships as long as it stops once you enter one. I'm really not sure. Also please don't be offended anyone but I live in major urban area on the East Coast and MAYBE thsi kind of attitude is typical jsut here. Are sexual mores a lot more conservative in small towns, the Midwest, and the South?
There's this girl I kind of like and I'm thinking about asking her for Valentine's day and maybe something beyond that but I do have some reservations about her because she's hooked up with one of my friends before twice. It's not so much that its with my friend as its that she hooked up with SOMEONE and had sex outside of a relationship. I tend to be a conservative person so I don't think highly of thigns like that. I'm okay with sex before marriage but it should at least be in a serious relationship. Now everyone says that my friend is the only person this girl has hooked up with and that she does even go making out with guys at bars a lot. I know plenty of other girls who are sluts and hook up regularly with random people. At least this girl I like knows my friend through some other mutual friends and roommates.
I don't even know if I'll have a chance with this girl but should I think less of her for hooking up with someone? Does this make her a bad person? Should I question this person's morals and values because of it? I've been told to not be so conservative and that its okay to have sex outside of relationships as long as it stops once you enter one. I'm really not sure. Also please don't be offended anyone but I live in major urban area on the East Coast and MAYBE thsi kind of attitude is typical jsut here. Are sexual mores a lot more conservative in small towns, the Midwest, and the South?
The "hooking up" doesn't make her a bad person, just a misguided and immature one. Don't let other people influence you to lessen your standards, morals or values - be true to yourself. But by the same token, don't take it to the point of judging everyone around you who isn't living exactly as you are.
I think since you see something in this girl it is worth giving it a shot to get to know her better. Asking her out is a great idea so that you can spend some one on one time getting to know her better. It could be that no one in her life has ever expected much of her or held her to higher standards. If she spent some time with you maybe you could be a good influence on her. After all, you aren't planning on having sex with her yourself (not for a while anyway and only if the relationship were to grow into something serious) so you have time for some serious conversation about the hooking up - without sounding accusatory. Could be she'll think you are weird or just too straight-laced for her and will move on after a date or two - but if that happened you'd be much better off anyway. But MAYBE she would appreciate getting to know a guy who had some standards - you won't know until you try
Never lower your standards just to get someone to like you - be true to yourself and who you are.
Don't let other people influence you to lessen your standards, morals or values - be true to yourself.
I think since you see something in this girl it is worth giving it a shot to get to know her better. Asking her out is a great idea so that you can spend some one on one time getting to know her better.
Never lower your standards just to get someone to like you - be true to yourself and who you are.
well-said
trust your gut, but take time to get to know people before dismissing them out of hand.
don't compromise your values or try to be someone or something you're not.
There's this girl I kind of like and I'm thinking about asking her for Valentine's day and maybe something beyond that but I do have some reservations about her because she's hooked up with one of my friends before twice. It's not so much that its with my friend as its that she hooked up with SOMEONE and had sex outside of a relationship. I tend to be a conservative person so I don't think highly of thigns like that. I'm okay with sex before marriage but it should at least be in a serious relationship. Now everyone says that my friend is the only person this girl has hooked up with and that she does even go making out with guys at bars a lot. I know plenty of other girls who are sluts and hook up regularly with random people. At least this girl I like knows my friend through some other mutual friends and roommates.
I don't even know if I'll have a chance with this girl but should I think less of her for hooking up with someone? Does this make her a bad person? Should I question this person's morals and values because of it? I've been told to not be so conservative and that its okay to have sex outside of relationships as long as it stops once you enter one. I'm really not sure. Also please don't be offended anyone but I live in major urban area on the East Coast and MAYBE thsi kind of attitude is typical jsut here. Are sexual mores a lot more conservative in small towns, the Midwest, and the South?
It doesn't really matter what we think or what people in other areas think. What matters, and all that matters, is what you think. If this bothers you, then it bothers you. You need to decide how much this bothers you and if you can truly move beyond it. If not, then don't pursue the relationship. If you're going to hold this against her or have it in the back of your mind, then the relationship is in trouble and she may end up resenting it.
There's this girl I kind of like and I'm thinking about asking her for Valentine's day and maybe something beyond that but I do have some reservations about her because she's hooked up with one of my friends before twice. It's not so much that its with my friend as its that she hooked up with SOMEONE and had sex outside of a relationship. I tend to be a conservative person so I don't think highly of thigns like that. I'm okay with sex before marriage but it should at least be in a serious relationship. Now everyone says that my friend is the only person this girl has hooked up with and that she does even go making out with guys at bars a lot. I know plenty of other girls who are sluts and hook up regularly with random people. At least this girl I like knows my friend through some other mutual friends and roommates.
I don't even know if I'll have a chance with this girl but should I think less of her for hooking up with someone? Does this make her a bad person? Should I question this person's morals and values because of it? I've been told to not be so conservative and that its okay to have sex outside of relationships as long as it stops once you enter one. I'm really not sure. Also please don't be offended anyone but I live in major urban area on the East Coast and MAYBE thsi kind of attitude is typical jsut here. Are sexual mores a lot more conservative in small towns, the Midwest, and the South?
It's not a big deal...you might just be subconciously jealous. Pretty much any girl you meet >20 won't be a virgin...so get over it and see what sort of person she is today.
Heck, the best kind of girl you can find IMHO is one with a bit of a wild streak but that has love and commitment in her. Then you get the best of both worlds!
To me this would be a big deal and something that I would stay away from (as if anyone cares what I would do or think). As for making her a badd person, I can't make that call, but promiscuous behavior is a red flag for me. Stay true to your beliefs and morals and get with someone who believes likewise. Some random chick is not worth compromising.
... should I think less of her for hooking up with someone?
I don't think you should, but the real question is, do you? If you do, you'll probably always feel that way, and that wouldn't be good in a relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Lennox 70
Does this make her a bad person?
No! But if you think it does, look for someone else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Lennox 70
Should I question this person's morals and values because of it?
It looks to me like you ARE questioning this person's morals and values. If you feel they're substandard, don't get involved. Everyone has a different set of values. I'm not sure if you feel hers don't live up to yours or if you're afraid they're less than what your friends think are ideal. How do you feel about your friend who "hooked up" with her? Do you also question his morals and values?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tom Lennox 70
... Are sexual mores a lot more conservative in small towns, the Midwest, and the South?
Everything is more conservative in small towns, the midwest and the south. You're talking about the conservative Bible Belt, for one thing. And people in small towns don't want to be the topic of conversation at the local cafe. It's not so much that their morals/values are higher; they're just afraid of neighborhood gossip -- or God's wrath.
I suspect that you're more concerned about what your friends will think of her and of you for dating her. That's a normal concern and maybe a valid one, although it probably shouldn't be. This ought to be your decision alone, but if her past indiscretions bother you now, you should probably look elsewhere.
It's not a big deal...you might just be subconciously jealous. Pretty much any girl you meet >20 won't be a virgin...so get over it and see what sort of person she is today.
Heck, the best kind of girl you can find IMHO is one with a bit of a wild streak but that has love and commitment in her. Then you get the best of both worlds!
Mathguy - COME ON, you are the father of daughters if I remember correctly. This is REALLY what you want for them when they are 20??? The OP is disturbed because this girl "hooked up and had sex outside of a relationship". Yeah, right - go ahead and tell me you'd be JUST FINE with your own daughters being so loose and promiscuous.
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). As for making her a badd person, I can't make that call, but promiscuous behavior is a red flag for me. Stay true to your beliefs and morals and get with someone who believes likewise. Some random chick is not worth compromising.
No! But if you think it does, look for someone else. 
