Do you agree with Steve Harvey's advice to women? (love, single, children)
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You can ask a man straight up what his intentions are, or you can sing Mary Had a Little Lamb on the first date.
It doesn't really matter. If you are the hottest thing that ever gave him the time of day he will be begging you to marry him.
Quit overcomplicating this sht !!!!! The vast majority of men are as shallow as a plastic kiddie pool. Hit the gym, eat a salad, and then hit the gym again.
Comedian Steve Harvey has a radio show which I heard a portion of in my van this morning.
He has a book out giving advice to women on how to find, get, & keep a guy.
One of the things he was talking about this a.m. is how women should ask a man straight off what his intentions are.
You know, what are your goals; at what age do you see yourself getting married, what are you expecting from me, etc.
Harvey says if asking a guy this stuff right off scares him away, then good riddance; according to him, why waste
your time on issues that can be cleared up before even going on a second date?
WHOA, NELLIE!!! I just can't see that as sage advice. At all. Just wondering where the C-D community stands on Harvey's views?
I think it depends how you ask it. If you blurt out a bunch of questions when you first meet or on the first date, that might not go over well. But if you casually inquire during the first few dates to see if you're on the same page, that's fine and something people should do. People value their time. No one wants to waste it on someone who has goals that conflict with theirs. If you're looking for something serious and you meet someone who isn't, better to know that early than waste weeks or months on them only to find out they're not looking for anything long-term. Or if you want kids someday, better to know if the guy you're seeing wants to be a father. If he hates kids or already has enough, then you're probably wasting each other's time.
I doubt that this really led to "strong nuclear famil[ies]". However, something did change in the late 70s. The economy changed permanently so that a poorly educated dropout could no longer get a job for life at a wage that could support a family. To even have a chance to make it after that era required an education beyond grade 12. For most people, this involved leaving home.
My experience was that many (if not most in lower class schools) young males would leave school on their 16th birthday, even if it was May 28th! They'd get a job at the local mill, refinery or the post office and within several months would have a car. Steady sex soon required a place of their own and by age 18, they were usually heading to the alter, often with "encouragement" from a shotgun.
The few who wanted to get an education were held in contempt by most of their peers. Young women, in particular, considered a guy who saved for an education (rather than buying a car and chauffeuring them around) to be beneath contempt. Only at upper middle class schools was there any consideration that there might be an alternative.
The "good old days" ended and unless these guys were lucky enough to have a secure position, they would end up in the scrap heap. Divorce and a career as an illiterate alcoholic was often their lot. I see these types panhandling every day.
I don't. I'll concede that most guys are pretty shallow and will pursue the hot girls. But if her personality isn't as attractive, they'll quickly get tired of her and move on. These kinds of guys know the world is full of plenty of hot women and if that's all he's after, he won't regret dumping the one he's with, especially if she treats him like dirt.
I don't. I'll concede that most guys are pretty shallow and will pursue the hot girls. But if her personality isn't as attractive, they'll quickly get tired of her and move on. These kinds of guys know the world is full of plenty of hot women and if that's all he's after, he won't regret dumping the one he's with, especially if she treats him like dirt.
Well, I didn't elaborate, but my focus wasn't on the looks even though looks do make a difference, of course. I meant I find all these questions (early or late), scheming and cajoling stupid and pathetic and they're not going to accomplish anything if it's not meant to be.
I thought all those questions are just your basics on "getting to know you" crap and life direction. I wouldn't want anyone who couldn't talk about that..so yeh I agree. But I don't have an obsession with getting married and breeding...so perhaps thats why it has worked for me. But whats the point of wasting your time on someone who has no direction AND can't handle a little pressure? Blah...weak boys are for weak relationships.
When I was in high school & dating - I wouldnt even have the guys pick me up at my house...I'd meet them somewhere because my dad would do that whole 20 questions with them... What college are you going to, what career do you want, etc... It was embarassing.
If you take it slow, thats part of getting to know each other by dating and talking. If you keep your eyes & ears open, you will know soon enough what their intentions are.
The sad thing is that relationships are headed for the endangered list. The goal seems to be find somebody to have sex with until you are bored and then move on to the next one. People (especially women) say they want a relationship because it's PC but at the end of the day, no one wants a real relationship. Especially these days when sex is considered a recreational activity rather than an expression of love. Why not find out what someone wants in the beginning?
I thought all those questions are just your basics on "getting to know you" crap and life direction. I wouldn't want anyone who couldn't talk about that..so yeh I agree. But I don't have an obsession with getting married and breeding...so perhaps thats why it has worked for me. But whats the point of wasting your time on someone who has no direction AND can't handle a little pressure? Blah...weak boys are for weak relationships.
Exactly. Dating is supposed to be about learning enough about each other to decide whether you're looking for the same thing. I don't see these types of questions as "scheming or cajoling". If I'm on a date and she asks me how I feel about having kids someday, I won't look at that as some kind of test. There's no right answer to these kinds of questions as long as the answer is an honest one. If she's looking to start a family and I say I don't want kids, then at least we both know we're wrong for each other and we can quit wasting each other's time. Likewise, if I'm hoping to get married someday and my date says she would never want to get married to anyone, then at least I know she's not the one for me. I can't believe we've reached the point where asking questions in an effort to just get to know someone is now considered off limits. What's next? I'm not allowed to ask if she has kids or she's not allowed to ask me if I have a job?
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