Why do I feel like I'm missing the boat? (LONG) (guy, love)

[Leisesturm]

Whew, miu... I can't even begin to process a reply yet, but I thought I would offer this: I'll accept intelligent, articulate but alas I am quite male, mostly anyway. Perhaps this will put my replies into context. Believe it or not I agree with some of your statements about AA women but a lot of it rings of gross overgeneralization. I have to also tell you this: Saturday I was hiking in Forest Park in downtown Portland, OR. For some reason I started paying attention to all the Asian women I saw on the trail. Everyone of them was that tall lanky Japanese female (like Soon Yee Previn) and everyone of them (at least five) was attached to a much older white guy. I guess you come by it honestly but I just don't see legions of AA women emulating your example.

H

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by miu

Enough with the folk wisdom!! If you or the O.P. actually talked like "Puss an' dog nuh have de same luck.", then yes I would say that both of you would have problems finding a nice husband in the US. But you don't. You are both intelligent articulate women. And if I spoke pidgin English instead of my perfect English, my dating history in the US would have been a whole lot different. So would my work history.

It's not our race or the colour of our skin that makes one group of women more successful at finding a husband over another. It's how we present ourselves to others, how we interact socially, and our lifestyles. Read the posts on this board from the menfolk. These guys will chase any woman of any race as long as she's physically attractive to them. Good black men, most good men period aren't against marrying a good black woman. Think of why they are so attracted to Asian women (since you say that we have such a high success rate to marry of only 20% not finding success to AA women having 80% failure rate. YOUR numbers, not mine, so don't go attacking me on this!)... Because of our Asian traditional culture, our people, both male and female seem to non-Asians as very polite deferential people. We know that we look different and are only 5% of the US population. We are used to being greatly outnumbered by whites in any non-urban area. On the city streets, we don't look strangers in the eye as we walk pass. We try to blend into the scenery. We come across as having a great work ethic as you will see recently immigrating Asians willing to do menial jobs like hotel housekeeping. But at the same time, our culture values education, so we also have a visible presence in jobs that require knowlege, discipline and skill. Asians excell at playing classical music, which is very formal and requires years of training and disciplined practice. No question that blacks are as talented musically, but one tends to see blacks making music that is more free form and emotional, like jazz, blues and rap. And rap music expresses a lot of anger. There's more examples I could give you, but this is only a message board. The point is, AA women could do better in the marriage market if they would become more soft spoken and feminine. Sorry, but black woman are scary when they try to assert themselves in a situation where they feel disrespected. And it doesn't take much to rile them up. And they do this to their menfolk too. And what man wants to marry that? Even one of the other message boards I'm on, one that's filled with cranky old white conservative males, they hate strong women with a passion. They hated Hillary, and now they turn their venom on Pelosi. They want the women in their lives to be ones that don't challenge them, and to be soft and feminine. Another plus about acting quiet, non-confrontational and even shy, it's not scary to approach a woman like that, and the woman comes across as mysterious and exotic, sometimes they even think that we're full of wisdom. lol. Remember, men love a challenge. An open book is quickly read and discarded. Men are more intrigued when it takes a little effort to get a woman to open up and confide in him. If it takes more effort to win her heart, the guy is going to think his woman more of an undiscovered treasure.

And the other difference I see between black culture and Asian culture is that blacks are very open about their sexuality. When it comes from the men, it's a turnoff to me as an Asian women. When I was in my 20's, a black guy approached me in the street and tried to flirt with me. He reached out and stroked my upper arm and said that Asian women have such silky soft skin. Well maybe that technique worked for the girls in his neighborhood, but his opening line made my skin crawl and I couldn't walk away from him fast enough. I also don't react well when a guy's opening line is "hey baby" or "hey sexy" because the way I was raised, a relationship is about more than sex. And having a sexual attraction and nothing else is not reason enough to begin dating a man. I feel that traditional Asians feel the same way as I do. We approach a potential relationship in a more practical manner. We go slowly and consider if we have enough common life values and goals to have a life together. We'd also like our marriage to be an asset to our family and to have the full support and blessings of our parents. Having children out of wedlock is not an option for us. We also tend not to date just for fun and curiousity factor. We only date a man when we think that it's likely that marriage could be the end result. And because of our conservative dating attitudes, I believe that Asian women come across as desirable because we don't appear promiscuous, and should the man marry us, we won't be a bossy wife. We also won't present him with an unexpected out of wedlock baby.

My personal theory is that if AA women acted more like a traditional Asian woman, they'd have an equivalent marriage success rate. And I feel that at least two of the AA young men that post on this board would consider dating a AA women if they could find ones that acted like Asian women. I'm thinking of The_Fairfaxian and the former member wlac. Again, guys want a trophy to date and marry. So if she's attractive (and I know that AA women know how to make themselves beautiful), toned down the sexy vibes, and comes across as being fun and a good companion not being adversarial, has a good work ethic so he doesn't think that he has to be the sole breadwinner, and she doesn't act like she'll turn into a ballbuster African princess, then why wouldn't any man not consider a AA woman? I really think that AA women come across as too strong and they think that they are always right too... and that scares the guys off, especially when they are looking for a wife. And I'm not even considering the AA women that were teenage moms and have kids from different dads.

And I don't pay any attention to Chinese folk wisdom. Plus we've got our traditions of arranged marriages. They feel a woman should get married by her early twenties and become a good dutiful wife to her husband and give him sons. And that sons are better than daughters. I live in America, I don't believe that crap. What I find is that educated men, especially educated white men are more attractive to me than Asian men because they are open minded about marrying later in life, they don't think that a 30 year old woman is past her dating prime, they don't expect their wives to stay at home with the kids, and overall, they are less male chauvinistic. In Japan, the men prefer young women and have schoolgirl fantasies and mistresses. So some of the single Japanese women in their late twenties who can't find a man because their culture thinks them too old turn to finding a husband in the US.

And Elliot Spitzer's wife is fine. Like other women in her position, she will find comfort with her children and get a big fat divorce check from him. Yes, she was pissed looking in those pictures, but that was due to the embarrassment of the situation being aired in public like that. I'm sure that she had clues to what was going on for a long time. But being the wife of a Governor and getting invited to the more important social events and being able to shop at the best boutiques was a good compensation as his wife. I'm sure that their daughters will still marry well.

But see, this is what I'm talking about. Those are all unfortunate stereotypes that come along w/ the baggage of being black and female. So many of us are unlike the way you described, my sisters & I are very different--most of the women in my family are very traditional & so unlike the aforementioned stereotypes. It's funny because so many times I've been approached by black guys, once I open my mouth-they run the other way, it's like "oh, you think you're white" or "dark-skinned white girl" when it's just the way I was raised, in the suburbs of freakin' Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'm an English major for crying out loud so of course, I'm expected to know & speak the king's English...Because the black male ratio at my college is sooo small--that's not to say I don't like black guys, I do--it's just the ones that seem to be on my level disassociate w/ black people in general & for my own sake, I suck at speaking "ebonics".

Aside from that, deep down I believe that many (not ALL) black women harbor ill feelings towards black men & a lot of men, hence the "angry black woman" stereotype which I hate with a fervent passion. It's unfortunate but that is one reason why I go out of my way to dispel this myth, not for our sake as black women in the dating/marriage sector but for myself, & also because I am truly not a "bitter black woman". I have a friend who is a keen example of this, she embodies the "stereotype", she is a good woman but it is the way she presents herself that she hasn't dated throughout college, much less been on a lunch date with a guy.

Most of the guys I've dated haven't been black, even the ones I have dated have hinted that I'm not the "typical black girl", the last guy I dated (who was Hispanic) said "I talked white" which kind of secretly annoys me....anyway, my friends often joke around that I'm going to "marry out" but who knows? Race isn't a deciding factor & I agree w/ many of the things you said miu, but @ the same time I feel like you are kind of placing Asian women at the top of the "femininity and marriage market" pedestal, I'm not saying you were--those were just my impressions.

Sorry for the long, drawn out response-I don't want to seem like the grim reaper beating a dead horse w/ a stick.

[Drover]

Eh, if only I were not married. And not in my mid-30s. And not a thousand miles from Texas. Life's conundrums...

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by Leisesturm

The culture I was raised in (Caribbean) has its store of 'folk wisdom'. One maxim I heard often growing up was: "Hog bathe in the first water him come to". Translation: don't screw away (or rather, absolutely screw away at) any likely opportunities on your way to wherever you are going. You just may not find any better ones further down the path of life and by the time you realize this and backtrack.. ... well we know how that usually turns out. I simply know too many over 40's who don't have anyone. At least some of them had a good time along the way but a few of the ones I know were saving themselves for someone and now no one wants them because they are priced well beyond what the market will bear. One of them said to me, years ago "I don't want to go back to God in the same condition as when he sent me out into the world". I don't share her belief that God monitors the activity of his Creation but she believes it and yet the belief wasn't enough to get her off her duff to do something about it. I agree, the o.p. won't likely wind up like her but there is another bit of folk wisdom I heard growing up: "Puss an' dog nuh have de same luck." Translation: it's all well and good to tell people how to strategize their lives but the strategies are not universal. What works for Whites and Asians does not work for African Americans but its held up as the model. It results in only 20% of AA women finding success in romance, if marriage is how one defines 'success'. vs. only 20% of white or asian women not finding success! When you are an evolved person of color like the o.p. (and myself) it is easy to forget that we still belong to this race that, at least in this country has incarcerated half its male population and has killed millions of the rest. Some of those women are going to be marrying tradesmen or not marrying at all. Actually, given the 3 million person discrepancy between AA women and men, a situation that exists in no other race, its a given that a lot of women are not going to have husbands when you also factor in that interracial congress between AA women and other races is about 6% many times lower than the 30% for hispanics and 25% for asians. Singleness needs to be decriminalized and also the choice not to become a mother. Women need to know that because a guy sleeps with you he does not owe you the rest of his life. You might not even want the rest of his life. Do you think if Elliot Spitzer's wife knew how their life would turn out that she would have married him? Women need more empowerment from society over their options to marry or not marry as they individually choose but they also need to be made aware that if they choose to marry... that "first water thing", its good advice, most folk wisdom usually is.

H

Leisesturm, I don't really know where you are going w/ this but unlike some black women, I feel slightly more sexually liberal than what is usually seen. However, I am not going to just "give it up" freely for the sake of convenience. I have had the opportunities to have sex like I said in a previous post, I just haven't taken it up because of my own issues and personal beliefs which have evolved. Also, I'm almost finished with college & don't really want any potential drama starting as I begin my exit. I was one of those girls who grew up in church, taught to wait until marriage, but college & dating opens up your mind about things & I feel much more mature & conscious about the decisions I make in my romantic life.

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by Drover

Eh, if only I were not married. And not in my mid-30s. And not a thousand miles from Texas. Life's conundrums...

Pity isn't it? Just kiddin'.

[miu]

Originally Posted by Chanteuse d' Opéra

Race isn't a deciding factor & I agree w/ many of the things you said miu, but @ the same time I feel like you are kind of placing Asian women at the top of the "femininity and marriage market" pedestal, I'm not saying you were--those were just my impressions.

Sorry for the long, drawn out response-I don't want to seem like the grim reaper beating a dead horse w/ a stick.

I think that my post was much lengthier than yours! lol. Otherwise, please consider that I was addressing Leisesturm's post and HIS statistics about AA and Asian women marrying. Those numbers weren't my numbers and I'm surprised that no one has challenged them.

I don't feel that Asian women are the ultimate in femininity and the marriage market, but I was pondering out loud why some non-Asian men are so attracted to them. The_Fairfaxian is a black college student in the DC area, and he's been posting since last summer and complaining that he can't get an Asian woman to date him. And that they will only date white guys. He also has no desire to date a black woman or a white one. wlac was another young black male that didn't want to date a black woman, but wanted a white girlfriend. Then it came out that he watches a lot of Maury episodes. So to me, it seemed that he only wanted to avoid baby momma dramas.

And Asian women aren't all that submissive, but they are adaptable and less confrontational than the contemporary modern women from other cultures, AA and white Americans. And in previous generations, before WWII and Rosie the Riveter, the majority of American women were more deferential to the men in their lives. Men long for that old fashioned type of woman, one that by being the submissive partner, makes him feel more manly and powerful. And as for myself, I'm not a submissive Asian woman. I'm very Americanized, quite outgoing and I don't speak Chinese, so actually the guys that I date, aren't dating me because I'm that stereotypical submissive Asian woman that walks several steps behind her man. And in my past, I've probably scared off a few Asian guys. lol

Anyway, Asian women aren't perfect feminine ideal but I was just trying to point out that maybe some of the appeal to the non-Asian men that express a desire to date an Asian woman (but not any particular Asian woman they know in real life), is that the hypothetical idealized traditional Asian woman is submissive and deferential to her man. (Of course, the more Americanized the Asian woman is, the less submissive she's going to act. ) Then I added in how so many men post their willingness to date hot looking sexy women of any race. Plus I factored in how so many men hate Hillary Clinton and now Nancy Pelosi. Politics aside, I feel most of these men are threatened by strong women in power. I don't think that men overall in America begrudge us our equal rights, but they would like to wear the pants in the relationship, and us the skirts.

Again, Asian women aren't perfect. or some feminine ideal And I *think* that the attraction is not so much the colour of her skin or her slanty eyes, but that culturally we tend to have a polite deferential attitude towards others and in particular the men in the household. Asian women are the closest thing left to that old fashioned girl that grand dad married type of thing. I suppose if the Asian woman doesn't speak English well, it's a bonus so that the guys don't have to worry about their s/o talking their ear off. That's a common theme in relationship comedy, that the menfolk complain that their women talk too much.

Well again, I think that you will do fine in the boyfriend department. Again, I feel that at 20, you don't have to panic about not having had a boyfriend yet. And I feel that the really quality guys don't find their future wife at the young age of 20. A guy that I was sweet on in high school was a very smart guy. His dad was a quantum physics professor at Harvard. He turned into a professional student for a while. Princeton, London School of Economics, then somewhere else. Ten years ago, he was an assistant professor at Cornell Medical School and finally about to get engaged. Anyway, maybe it's being in New England or the Northeast, but the educated people I've known were never in a rush to settle down and get married. They were too busy with living life, learning and being with their good friends. Not many wanted to have kids, so that also was probably also a factor.

Personally, I feel that being formally married isn't important unless children or real estate is informed. Even now, at the ripe old age of 50, I don't feel a pressing need to be married for the sake of a ring or having male companionship in my senior years. I enjoy my own company. I have no problems keeping myself entertained with my dogs and my hobbies. I don't have a problem finding people I enjoy spending time with. I think that my confidence and independent spirit attracts others to me. And I love my boyfriend a lot, but when he goes away to visit his best friend in NC, I relish my time alone.

Sorry for the lengthy ramble.

[ECG]

When your boat arrives you will be the first to know that he is a keeper.

[Chanteuse d' Opéra]

Originally Posted by miu

I think that my post was much lengthier than yours! lol. Otherwise, please consider that I was addressing Leisesturm's post and HIS statistics about AA and Asian women marrying. Those numbers weren't my numbers and I'm surprised that no one has challenged them.

I don't feel that Asian women are the ultimate in femininity and the marriage market, but I was pondering out loud why some non-Asian men are so attracted to them. The_Fairfaxian is a black college student in the DC area, and he's been posting since last summer and complaining that he can't get an Asian woman to date him. And that they will only date white guys. He also has no desire to date a black woman or a white one. wlac was another young black male that didn't want to date a black woman, but wanted a white girlfriend. Then it came out that he watches a lot of Maury episodes. So to me, it seemed that he only wanted to avoid baby momma dramas.

And Asian women aren't all that submissive, but they are adaptable and less confrontational than the contemporary modern women from other cultures, AA and white Americans. And in previous generations, before WWII and Rosie the Riveter, the majority of American women were more deferential to the men in their lives. Men long for that old fashioned type of woman, one that by being the submissive partner, makes him feel more manly and powerful. And as for myself, I'm not a submissive Asian woman. I'm very Americanized, quite outgoing and I don't speak Chinese, so actually the guys that I date, aren't dating me because I'm that stereotypical submissive Asian woman that walks several steps behind her man. And in my past, I've probably scared off a few Asian guys. lol

Anyway, Asian women aren't perfect feminine ideal but I was just trying to point out that maybe some of the appeal to the non-Asian men that express a desire to date an Asian woman (but not any particular Asian woman they know in real life), is that the hypothetical idealized traditional Asian woman is submissive and deferential to her man. (Of course, the more Americanized the Asian woman is, the less submissive she's going to act. ) Then I added in how so many men post their willingness to date hot looking sexy women of any race. Plus I factored in how so many men hate Hillary Clinton and now Nancy Pelosi. Politics aside, I feel most of these men are threatened by strong women in power. I don't think that men overall in America begrudge us our equal rights, but they would like to wear the pants in the relationship, and us the skirts.

Again, Asian women aren't perfect. or some feminine ideal And I *think* that the attraction is not so much the colour of her skin or her slanty eyes, but that culturally we tend to have a polite deferential attitude towards others and in particular the men in the household. Asian women are the closest thing left to that old fashioned girl that grand dad married type of thing. I suppose if the Asian woman doesn't speak English well, it's a bonus so that the guys don't have to worry about their s/o talking their ear off. That's a common theme in relationship comedy, that the menfolk complain that their women talk too much.

Well again, I think that you will do fine in the boyfriend department. Again, I feel that at 20, you don't have to panic about not having had a boyfriend yet. And I feel that the really quality guys don't find their future wife at the young age of 20. A guy that I was sweet on in high school was a very smart guy. His dad was a quantum physics professor at Harvard. He turned into a professional student for a while. Princeton, London School of Economics, then somewhere else. Ten years ago, he was an assistant professor at Cornell Medical School and finally about to get engaged. Anyway, maybe it's being in New England or the Northeast, but the educated people I've known were never in a rush to settle down and get married. They were too busy with living life, learning and being with their good friends. Not many wanted to have kids, so that also was probably also a factor.

Personally, I feel that being formally married isn't important unless children or real estate is informed. Even now, at the ripe old age of 50, I don't feel a pressing need to be married for the sake of a ring or having male companionship in my senior years. I enjoy my own company. I have no problems keeping myself entertained with my dogs and my hobbies. I don't have a problem finding people I enjoy spending time with. I think that my confidence and independent spirit attracts others to me. And I love my boyfriend a lot, but when he goes away to visit his best friend in NC, I relish my time alone.

Sorry for the lengthy ramble.

Thanks for the clarification Leisesturm seems somewhat bitter in his response, doesn't he? At least in my humble opinion...I guess being raised where I was, there is more of a traditional mindset towards love & marriage...of course I also don't want to stereotype the South, because there are progressive areas, the Northeast/New England is a totally different culture from Texas & Oklahoma but I'm getting sidetracked. Again, thanks for the support.

[Leisesturm]

Not bitter, bemused. Why bitter? Because I advocate an unpopular line of thought? As to why no one has challenged my numbers might be because when it comes to marriage and sex we want to avoid dealing with the ugly numbers. Which numbers exactly do you have a problem with, Miu? Google them yourself, tell me where I am wrong. For me, it was less about the numbers (although the numbers are important) as it was an opportunity. I rarely come to this forum and I rarely see a brand new thread where I can introduce a new line of thought. I wasn't surprised that my take on things was not popular. My last post was not directed at you, Chanteuse as you have clearly stated your position. It was directed at those, like Miu, who think humans have this protracted adololesence and are still children at 20. I think I kept my cool and even threw in the odd bit of humor. Anyway, its late. H out.

H

[miu]

Originally Posted by Leisesturm

Not bitter, bemused. Why bitter? Because I advocate an unpopular line of thought? As to why no one has challenged my numbers might be because when it comes to marriage and sex we want to avoid dealing with the ugly numbers. Which numbers exactly do you have a problem with, Miu? Google them yourself, tell me where I am wrong. For me, it was less about the numbers (although the numbers are important) as it was an opportunity. I rarely come to this forum and I rarely see a brand new thread where I can introduce a new line of thought. I wasn't surprised that my take on things was not popular. My last post was not directed at you, Chanteuse as you have clearly stated your position. It was directed at those, like Miu, who think humans have this protracted adololesence and are still children at 20. I think I kept my cool and even threw in the odd bit of humor. Anyway, its late. H out.

H

I don't have any problems with your numbers. Had I posted those numbers myself, the AA men and women would have piped in and said I was being typically negative about AA's. But you being black, it's acceptable to print the harsh truths.

As to my thinking that humans have a protracted adolescence and can still be children at the age of 20. Well yes. I don't think that humans are totally finished maturing until the age of 25. That's when the brain finishes developing. And the last part to mature is the area of the brain that makes decisions. And car accident figures and higher insurance rates for those under 25 support my opinion also. And wouldn't you consider choosing a spouse one of the most important decisions a human can make in their lifetime? And legally, one doesn't become a full adult until the age of 21. One can't even legally drink alcohol until the age of 21. I would think that every young adult should have a little time to sort out learning how to drink moderately with their new privileges and become a better driver before working on being a spouse in a marriage. And if that couple is Catholic, they will most likely start having babies right away. At 20 or 21, what young person has settled into a good career path yet? What if one of them wants a higher education involved grad school or going to law or medical school? Having a spouse and kids at that time would be a lot to juggle for any couple, let alone a couple of 20 year olds.

Plus as an AA woman, I think that if Chanteuse so desires, she should pursue any career path that makes her happy. Wouldn't you like to see more AA women take charge of their lives and have a chance to earn a good paycheck and be respected in her academic field? If she rushes into an early marriage, she's cutting her potential short. Plus, since she's made the effort to get into college, I think that she deserves to get the most out of it. She should give 100% of her effort to doing well in college now and be able to put 100% effort into a romantic relationship or marriage later on. Having a serious romance in the college years is very distracting for any student, plus being on a student budget and trying to have nice dates is frustrating. And being in a student dorm doesn't give a couple enough privacy.

And I would never stand in the way of Chanteuse having a dating life in college. If she were crushing on a guy now, I'd tell her to go out with him and just enjoy herself. But since her love life isn't active now, I was telling her that it's okay and not to sweat it. Some people are just late bloomers and college is very expensive and should be her main focus while she's there.

And about being still a child at 20... I never called Chanteuse a child. And in my family, there was unlimited support for any young person that was actively pursuing their education full time. What that basically translates to is while I was a full time college student, all my housing and financial needs were met. And had I gone on to grad school, sure I would have worked full time in the summer and held a part time job during the school year, but my parents wanted us girls to be able to fully concentrate on our academics without worrying how the bills would get paid. Wanting their children to be the best people they could be was foremost on their minds. They were investing in our future and the future wellbeing of our family. And I realize that I was very lucky to have parents with that attitude and the ability to do this. I do know some people where once the child turned 18 or 21, they were expected to get a job and/or move out of the family house.

And when do you think a young person fully becomes an adult? At 18? 21? Or how about as soon as a woman starts menstration? But every family has a different take on how best to raise their children and support their young adults through their final development and maturity as productive adults. Some of this is cultural. BTW here's one example of the Chinese attitude. It's a tragic story though:
Chinese mothers lose children, livelihoods in fatal wreck - CNN.com

So speaking of AA folk wisdoms and traditions, child brides is a big problem in the undeveloped poor parts of Africa. These child brides are typically 10 or 11 years old, with a reported case in Ethiopia of a 7 year old child being married off. And one of the reasons it's a real problem (and not just a moral one) is that there is no birth control used and the mortality rates in some areas is as high as 1 in 16 girls dying during childbirth. And of those that survive, they suffer from tears in their birth canal. This causes fecal material to enter, the poor women smell and then their husbands banish them from their dwelling and they have to live alone as pariahs. Oprah did a special on this and she also featured a Dutch female doctor that has devoted her whole life to running a womens clinic to fix these women's internal plumbing issues for free. They go back to their families in a new dress and with a medical card saying that future childbirths should be through c-section.

Anyway, it seems to me that in situations where people don't have the opportunity for higher education, there is a push to becoming a full time worker and getting married early in life. But when young people have the opportunity and encouragement, they tend to pursue having a higher education, expand their personal horizons and they start their own families later on in life than those who only went to high school and then jumped into the workforce.

I do think that developing a good work ethic is important. And I don't have a problem with a young person holding down a part time job as soon as they are legally allowed to do so. However, working shouldn't get in the way of their schoolwork. And if a young person becomes a full time worker right after they graduate from high school, those jobs are likely to keep them too busy to think about even taking an evening course. Or they will be so delighted with having a paycheck, that spending it will become more important than trying to learn more knowledge. But my point is, that I'd like young people to keep working on their personal growth and adding to their skills for as long as possible, if not all of their lives. Getting married and raising a family too early hurts that ability. We are more than animals. Our only purpose in life shouldn't be to pair up and breed. Humans are very lucky to have the ability to have choices and to not have to blindly follow Mother Nature's plan for the rest of the animals on this planet.

And... with the US divorce rate so high, it just doesn't make sense to rush into an early marriage with the first nice guy she can get her hooks into. I think that Chanteuse is smart and level headed enough to take her time to find herself the right nice guy (which takes getting to know at least several of them) and to have a lasting marriage.