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This question is inspired from a Dear Margo thread:
What would you do if everyone (well, mostly everyone) hates your fiancee? The story is about a man who is about to marry this gal, and when he announced his engagement, majority of his family, including extended relatives, did not welcome his engagement w/ open arms.
This then inspired one of his cousins (who is on the "I hate the fiancee" bandwagon) to write to Dear Margo. The cousin was asking if she should draft a letter "of concern" to the future groom, and have "everyone" sign that letter, to be sent to him. I suppose the purpose of the letter is to get the future groom to "think" about his choice of a future wife ... I don't know...
What do you think? If you were the guy, would you welcome that "letter"? Or, if you receive such "letter", how would you respond to such "letter"?
its kind of like when i go for a lil stroll at night outside the bart where a guy was stabbed last week bek i know that that cant happen to me after everybody told me not to. yep hey what do they know, i know what i am doing.
I think the relatives should stay out of it. The guy is an adult and made his choice - good or bad - and he is the only one who has to live with his chosen mate, not them. I would be infuriated if I were him.
I think the relatives should stay out of it. The guy is an adult and made his choice - good or bad - and he is the only one who has to live with his chosen mate, not them. I would be infuriated if I were him.
When everyone hates the person you are about to marry
Whoa...that guy who was going to write a letter and have all the bride haters sign it needs to step back..."STEP AWAY FROM THE PEN AND PAPER"...what an absolutely wretched thing for him to do.
No one has any right to tell a person who they should and should not marry. Hell, no one stopped me from marrying my ex and although it was probably the hugest mistake in my life, I did get my wonderful son out of it all, did get to live in a different part of the United States and do have a lot of nice friends I made and kept while married to him.
What I want to know is how did this guy who had all these relatives who were willing to sign this hate petition against the bride end up with all these nasty interferring relatives? I would have to have a little "fireside chat" with Mr. Nasty Letter writer and exclude him from the wedding festivities...the very idea!
These are obviously delicate situations. The letter sounds like an awful idea. Before even broaching such a subject, one needs to ask him or herself "just how close am I to this person?" Take stock of your relationship. Figure out if it is such that you honestly have standing to bring up such a subject. In most cases, if you are honest, you'll figure out you DO NOT have standing. In such a case, hating on your friend / family member's choice of mate at such a late hour (they are getting engaged, per the OP's hypothetical) will only lead to damaging your relationship with that person.
Off hand, I can think of only one person who's thoughts / advice I would welcome and seriously consider if I were in such a situation. And no, its not a family member.
It would cost a lot of friendships. Most people in love don't give a rat's ass what the world thinks of them, and to pull a stunt like this would ensure a quick trip to Vegas instead of a traditional wedding ('screw them', in other words).
Besides, if his wife is that detestable then the friendships would "change" after they're married, anyway. My first husband was very disliked by more people than not, and it affected me, too. Guilty by association, since we often ARE judged by who our friends and loved ones are.
Yeah, I also think that this situation posted on Dear Margo is a delicate one. I mean, there "could" be a good reason why the majority of his family members and extended relatives hate his fiancee -- she could be seen as "problematic" mate for him, etc.
But, at the same time, another reason could also be due to the fact that maybe, his relatives ARE the problematic people.
Personally, I wouldn't welcome a letter. Letters, IMHO, are a bit "cowardish" way of communicating important matters.
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... I don't know...
When everyone hates the person you are about to marry
