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I had to go back a ways to make sure I did not have any man-bashing posts. Nope, I'm OK. Doesn't mean there haven't been issues -
I've had my share - but I still love the pesky males of our race. I think every woman should own one.
I think it takes a MASSIVE case of narcissism and entitlement to blame an entire gender (or a significant portion of a gender, which is pretty much the same as blaming the entire gender) for one's inability to find a decent relationship. Besides, most people smell hostility a mile away, and despite anything that half-baked self-help books (written mostly by pathetic losers who couldn't get a date if their lives depended on it) say, being hostile to the opposite sex isn't a "challenge" to a potential mate -- it's a turn-off. Most desirable people have no interest in "proving" anything to a misogynist or a misandrist, so if you have "issues" with the opposite sex, don't even think about dating until you resolve them (preferably with the help of a professional). No one owes you to make you happy. If it seems like the majority of your potential mates would rather eat chopped ashtrays in garlic sauce than have a cup of coffee with you -- rest assured, the problem is you, not them. You can start building a better life for yourself by fixing your attitude and losing a few inches off your gut.
The situation really comes down to the fact that, if the genders were fitted into pie charts, there would be many slices/striations within each gender. They are, for the most part, clearly identifiable to those looking on. The reality is that most of these people within certain "pie slices" categorically exclude people of the opposite sex in certain "pie slices," and it makes sense. Also, people are free to do just that -- there is no sense in dictating political correctness to the pituitary gland. Typically (a) in-shape people don't want to date obese people (b) rich or comfortable people don't want to date people with financial problems (c) people with a religion don't want to date atheists (d) people who are educated don't want to date uneducated people (e) people who don't have children probably don't want to date people where children are still a part of their lives.
It's like starting out with a wide funnel, from which fewer items emerge at the base. Employing the funnel concept doesn't mean one is slighting the other gender, it just means that the sifting process will bring on frustration and disappointment and that's why, while reading the airplane mags, one sees 2-page ads for "It's Just Lunch" and organizations like that....precisely because people exclude many potential mates that come into view, based on their good judgment and instincts, and may not get to meet someone with whom they are better aligned.
The "what's the deal" or "what's wrong" attitude is not applicable when there are so many complicated people out there who can only help screw up your life.
I think this conflict between men and women go back to the moment eve forced adam to eat that apple. Ladies do you see what happens when you make your men do things they don't want to do? Why can't you just love us and leave it at that?
Yeah I've noticed at the last few jobs I've been at, there's usually a girl who's a total b!t## to work with. It's usually someone who is bossy, mean, stuck up, likes to argue, vindictive, condescending, sarcastic, gossips, or seems like they're eternally on they're period. Don't get me wrong I've had problems working with guys too. Plus I also find it hard to find common interests with women and have female friends.
The trick of sustaining a good relationship is to simply realize that men and women are different. Niether one is superior to the other, and both genders have their innate strengths and weaknesses. Men and women also have different priorities and preferences hardwired into their DNA. And because of this, there will be times of disagreement and annoyance and perhaps even anger. But instead of getting all bent out of shape over this disparity, and pointing fingers, we need to instead accept it and even shake our heads in wonder and amusement and admiration. And then realize that, hey, even though it can be trying at times, it's more than worth putting up with and trying to work out in view of the wondrous feelings and comfort we can attain when we our in sync with our mates and in a loving relationship. It's nature's way and all good tings come when we go with nature. I'm a Taoist myself, and that's what--in a nutshell--Taoism boils down to: going with the flow.
It's human nature to point the finger at others when their own social and emotional health is in the dumper. Hell, I've done it myself manytimes. But once we accept that people aren't going to change for us, and we're resonsible for our own woes--and victories--a great weight is lifted from us.
And once that weight is lifted, we're energized and ready to feel better about ouselves and others.
Last edited by DrummerBoy; 12-09-2010 at 09:54 PM..
Thanks for the well-considered answer. Specifically, I'm curious about the "Why are all men..." or "Why are all women..." kind of questions. In those, the OP seems to find all the fault in the world in the opposite sex, but none for him or herself. At best, you'll find a grudging admission or two, but it really doesn't stop that person for blaming the other gender. What I really want to know is if these people just lack self-awareness.
People just like to blame other people for their problems. You find it in every aspect of daily life. But, I also agree with the poster who mentioned that those who are in healthy relationships generally do not make such assertions. As I wrote in response to another thread; a woman who has a history of dating respectable men has no impetus to raise the question Why are men pigs?
I believe that it is either the person is blind to their own self and does not want to admit any flaw[s] or they are so wrapped up in their own bulls**t they just do not realize it (or want to). Or, perhaps, both.
People see the world through their own eyes. Some just have the magical ability to only see what they want to see.
Lastly, people get caught in ruts. If you date X type of man or woman time and time again, chances are, you will continue to date that type even if they are less-than-desireable relationships.
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Nope, I'm OK. Doesn't mean there haven't been issues - 
