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Maybe, maybe not. Here's kind of a funny story ...
I used to work with a guy a few years ago. He had a girlfriend. He and his girlfriend met while he was married. They were having an affair. She used to come into our office and apparently didn't like the fact that he and I were working together. She repeatedly accused us of having an affair. This, despite the fact that we each had our own offices within the firm we worked for, and there were about 50 other people working there. She not only accused he and I of having an affair, but accused another female in the office of having an affair with him as well. She also took to calling me and this other lady some pretty unflattering names. It was really pleasant. Fast forward a couple of years - he divorces his wife, and they get married. She's still pulling the "affair" stuff and the name calling. We all come into work on a Monday morning and find out that she had some kind of a seizure, fell and hit her head and died over the weekend. I call it karma.
I always thought it awfully presumptous on her part to even think me or this other lady were his types, or that he was even our type! Gross!
For starters lets get beyond the whole cheating is wrong thing... No joke. This thread is actually based on the after math. I am not talking about a short term fling thing but a relationship that began as a friendship and evolved into an affair. A few years into it both of us are getting divorced and the former mistress is wanting to try and make a life together. I really don't think it could work.
Putting it to the good people here at C-D... What do you think. Is there any hope in a relationship that begins so wrong?
Well, it "can", but in order to make a relationship to blossom, that started out so wrongly, you and her may require some heavy counseling. Why?
Because you both started the affair, and affairs usually contain a huge amount of deception, lies, and very low level of honesty. That type of deception, lies, and low level of honesty, can "haunt" you both, or one of you, and therefore, can "cloud" the "future" relationship, should both of you proceed to be serious w/ each other.
Now ask yourself: since you knew that she had to lie to her "then" husband about her whereabouts, phone calls, etc., in order to be with you, do you want to be in HIS shoes --- as in, having to worry if she is telling you the truth about who calls her, who texts her, her whereabouts, etc.??
Just to give you an example, my future husband is good friends with this guy named Scottie. Prior to marrying his current wife now, Torrie, Scottie had been in a ... I'd say, 7-year long relationship with this gal named Destiny. Very little was said about how he had broken up w/ Destiny, and of course, very little was said about how Scottie met Torrie.
Well, not too long ago, after a couple of shots of Anejo , she confided in front of us that she in fact had met Scottie when he was still w/ Destiny at a bar, and, here's the shocking part -- at that one night of meeting each other for the first time, Scottie went home to Torrie's house, and the rest was history. That's right, just after a couple of hours of meeting and having known Torrie, he cheated on Destiny by going home w/ Torrie, and they then got engaged a year later. Now I know why Torrie is scared of Destiny.. .she didn't want to get her tail kicked by Destiny for stealing Scottie away from Destiny.
So, you're probably wondering, how is the marriage between Scottie and Torrie? Well, not so good -- very windy, very stormy and gee, would you know why? She is thinking that, since he cheated on his ex, Destiny, after only hours of having met Torrie, Scottie may do it again. For the record, Scottie doesn't cheat on Torrie to this day.
Do you want to know why?
Because Torrie "whips" him like the mega witch wife you could ever meet, not allowing him to go places w/o her. Yep, Torrie keeps a tight lid on Scottie on his whereabouts. To make it worse, he even said flat out that she would NOT let him play his weekly baseball games if she found that there would be females on the other team !!!
SO please, Bone, don't end up like my future husband's friend, Scottie.
I think it can. It would be a huge hurdle to overcome, but a lot of relationships have hurdles. You two would probably have a lot more trust issues than the typical couple, but again, I think you could overcome it if you both really wanted to bad enough and were willing to roll up your sleeves and do the work to make it work.
Remember, she threw away the last relationship. What makes you think she won't do the same thing to you when she falls out of love with you for another person.
Who is she? Who "threw away" what relationship?
This is where the "cheating is wrong" convo usually erupts. Bitterness and misogyny take over and and all relationships/men/women are the same.
For starters lets get beyond the whole cheating is wrong thing... No joke. This thread is actually based on the after math. I am not talking about a short term fling thing but a relationship that began as a friendship and evolved into an affair. A few years into it both of us are getting divorced and the former mistress is wanting to try and make a life together. I really don't think it could work.
Putting it to the good people here at C-D... What do you think. Is there any hope in a relationship that begins so wrong?
I think it depends but why are you even asking? You don't sound interested in starting a relationship with her. Why not be alone for a bit? Date around a bit. Don't commit so soon after a divorce.
Right now as I type I am legally married to a man whose girlfriend is moving in with him. We are in the middle of a divorce. We separated with the idea of seeing if we could work it out. 1 month after separating he put up a personal ad on Yahoo Personals and met and got involved right away with a woman (I will not use the term lady) a few hours from him. They say 50% of all first marriages end in divorce (we have been married 23 yrs.) and 70% of all second marriages end in divorce, and it goes downhill from there. I firmly believe when a relationship starts out as an affair it has an even greater chance of going bad. Let's face it, any woman that will sleep knowingly with a married man with 4 children, will just as easily sleep around on him at some point.
Right now as I type I am legally married to a man whose girlfriend is moving in with him. We are in the middle of a divorce. We separated with the idea of seeing if we could work it out. 1 month after separating he put up a personal ad on Yahoo Personals and met and got involved right away with a woman (I will not use the term lady) a few hours from him. They say 50% of all first marriages end in divorce (we have been married 23 yrs.) and 70% of all second marriages end in divorce, and it goes downhill from there. I firmly believe when a relationship starts out as an affair it has an even greater chance of going bad. Let's face it, any woman that will sleep knowingly with a married man with 4 children, will just as easily sleep around on him at some point.
or any man with 4 children that will sleep with a new woman before the divorce is final will just as easily sleep around on the new woman at some point. it goes both ways!
I'd say no...the chances are slim. You started the relationship under circumstances that no longer exist. You both need to regroup your separate lives, and move on.
It'll work for the short term. Until 6 figure hot shot lawyer comes walking into the scene 6 months down the road.
Remember, she threw away the last relationship. What makes you think she won't do the same thing to you when she falls out of love with you for another person.
Once a cheater always a cheater is what I've seen to be true.
If anything she is probably better off as a friend with benefits - no marriage, no children.
personally I think people are polygamous not monogamous. You can easily see that playing out with how much cheating goes on these days. The only people who stay truely monogamous have strong self-control to say the least. There is a lot of people who say they are monogamous and play as if they are but in reality they have their secrets - a work affair, a call girl, hookers, you name it.
How can you say we're polygamous when most people don't cheat? Less than half of married men cheat. Half of that of married women cheat.
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, she confided in front of us that she in fact had met Scottie when he was still w/ Destiny at a bar, and, here's the shocking part -- at that one night of meeting each other for the first time, Scottie went home to Torrie's house, and the rest was history. That's right, just after a couple of hours of meeting and having known Torrie, he cheated on Destiny by going home w/ Torrie, and they then got engaged a year later. Now I know why Torrie is scared of Destiny.. .she didn't want to get her tail kicked by Destiny for stealing Scottie away from Destiny.
!!!
