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For starters lets get beyond the whole cheating is wrong thing... No joke. This thread is actually based on the after math. I am not talking about a short term fling thing but a relationship that began as a friendship and evolved into an affair. A few years into it both of us are getting divorced and the former mistress is wanting to try and make a life together. I really don't think it could work.
Putting it to the good people here at C-D... What do you think. Is there any hope in a relationship that begins so wrong?
I've read that there is a 95% chance of a relationship that begins when one person is married failing. You've got two.
Both of you have issues with committment and fidelity. The odds are against you. Odds have it, one or both of you will cheat on the other or, simply, fail to commit.
I only know of one couple who stayed together after the relationship started as an affair and he's now miserably married to her. There are serious trust issues in the marriage and he's tired of her checking up on him. (He was married but she wasn't when they met) When he picks up the kids, he tells my friend (his first wife) that his new wife is nothing like her, in a meloncholy tone. His new life has more thorns than rose petals but he doesn't want to put a second set of kids through a divorce after seeing what his first divorce did to his kids. The biggest problem here is he didn't fix what was wrong with him that led him to cheat in the first place so he's just as miserable in this relationship as he was with my friend (probably more due to the financial strain his new wife refusing to work is putting on him with child support and all).
Given that both of you cheated on spouses, does either of you have the faith to believe the other won't cheat on you? Neither of your track records in relationships are good and second marriages are more likely to fail than first marriages.
I know three women who had affairs and are now happily married to the men. One of the three got pregnant and he divorced his wife to marry her. That one ticked me off because both of them were my coworkers and rumors were flying but they both swore to me that they were just friends and nothing was going on. So, stupid me, I defended their honor and told people that the rumors were wrong.
Even though I got burned and felt really stupid about that, I can't join in the chorus condemning and namecalling in regard to cheating. Not my place. I do know many people who have been trapped in really unhappy marriages. Heh, that's why I've never raced down the aisle! To me, all of the outrage and name-calling comes from people who are absolutely freaked that their spouse could cheat. And, if that's the case, they need to work on themselves and their relationships.
I really think she is too young for us to have any kind of future. She still has a bit of growing up to do. We never lied to each other about our situations. The only trust issues would be if either one of us would repeat.
For me I want everything to settle with my divorce and custody. I want to be alone for a while and evaluate what I want in a mate going forward. She does have some great qualities. I would probably be all about it if she were 10-15 years older. Maybe I am a fool for even worrying about her age. I told her I will not be with anyone for a good while. She is taking that as me waiting for her. I have told her I don't expect her to wait for me. I expect her to be happy. She says the only way she will be happy is for us to be together.
I really think she is too young for us to have any kind of future. She still has a bit of growing up to do. We never lied to each other about our situations. The only trust issues would be if either one of us would repeat.
For me I want everything to settle with my divorce and custody. I want to be alone for a while and evaluate what I want in a mate going forward. She does have some great qualities. I would probably be all about it if she were 10-15 years older. Maybe I am a fool for even worrying about her age. I told her I will not be with anyone for a good while. She is taking that as me waiting for her. I have told her I don't expect her to wait for me. I expect her to be happy. She says the only way she will be happy is for us to be together.
Leave her. She's clinging to this relationship and you would be with her only because she wants you to. Thats not love. You already said you're not in love with her. You would be doing her a big disfavor by leading her on and then busting out the door one day when you can no longer stand her presence because she'll sense you dont actually love her and you wont want to tell her the truth , but wont want to break her heart still.
Do it now, rather than later. You cheat yourself and you cheat her out of the opportunity to find another man who might actually care about her. Tell her the cold hard truth without giving her any type of hope. Its whats best for her. In time, she'll get over it. Beleive me, if she's willing to cheat on her husband, she's willing to go out and look for someone new in no time.
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