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Location: Gilbert, Arizona... a suburb of metro Phoenix in the East Valley
154 posts, read 287,791 times
Reputation: 106
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ExPit
Well, there are three sides to every story, right?
Yours, mine, and the truth. Much of what we mistake as truth is perception. Not saying that's the case with you, Ted. Just don't know. Good luck, either way, in any case.
Thanks, EP... I am very objective and my own worst critic. No, this is very factual... and yes, all true... sadly. I have no reason to lie about myself or others just to build myself up in cyberland... lol. My therapist has said I'm one of if not her most honest client... and well, that honesty crushed me in court... especially when twisted, cut-off or selectively quoted. I'm sorry, but I had no reason to lie... the truth was on my side in this matter... sure, I made a few mistakes or missteps even, but I did not do what I was accused of doing... conspring to take my son away from her against his will and to loot the marital residence while hiding income... lol.
The court took a perfectly well-adjusted happy boy and put him back in a place where he (and I) never had happiness... or peace. He told me almost 3 1/2 years ago at the age of 9 that if me and his mom were to divorce, he wanted to come with me as he would not be able to take his mom and his sister's dramatic moodswings and violent outbursts which he would eventually become the scapegoat for should I leave him behind. I told him then and later when he occasionally brought it up that I had no intention of divorcing his mom and that she was going through a phase and would eventually come out of it, that I had every intention with every fiber of my being to hold on to that sacred commitment I made of marrying her... and that unless things turned severely toxic or dangerous, that divorce was not an option.
Well, all those 'unlesses' became reality and both me and my son were being mercilessly persecuted for going to church... for enjoying sports... for doing mutual father/son hobby activities... you name it. I got called nasty names for just silently breathing or taking up space. I had my property and even my life threatened... bi my daughter, wife and her father in Ohio even.
My therapist rightly pointed out I was in ABUSIVE relationship and I was a VICTIM... I was... not a wimp, mind you... I could have fought back, but that is not my style as I just do not hit animals, kids or females, sorry... I only block punches or push away when cornered. On one such occasion returning from church and turning on the game which I had held in TiVo cue, my wife came at me slapping me in my face against a ledge and I slightly pushed her shoulder only for her to come back harder in which I pushed with both open hands and all 180+ pounds of her flying across a 16 foot family room into a very padded (thankfully) overstuffed couch. She was dumbfounded... lol. It was like a force-push... pure shoulder-strength and adrenaline propelled her across the room. My daughter became unglued for seeing me defend myself and jumped me like a wild animal, pulling my hair, scratching my face, biting me, kneeing me you know where... you name it. She became like a demon-possessed or rabid animal or for you LOTR fans, Smiegel after his Precious. Unfotunately, both my sons witnessed this and many other disrespectful, violent scenes.
That was when I knew I had to leave... but even then, I kept hanging onto a better day where I was called a name only a dozen times with only one or two in front of the kids... lol... yeah, that was a GOOD day. It was not until death threats came and my wife's enabling of them and so much other bad behavior as well as superceeding any disciplinary attempts with my daughter... where I lost all feelings for my wife or our marriage, that I folded up the tent inside my heart and mind to move.
I do not regret that decision one-iota. We live in peace now... or did... when my son lived here until today... now, I live in loneliness. However, I still have my self-respect intact... I'll take that any day of the week. My son now sadly has to go through this alone and in much more extended periods of having no peace. I feel for him more than I do myself.
I bothered posting in order to convey a point that one spouse beating himself in the chest about a divorce in which he claims he is 100% innocent and his wife is 100% guilty (and his daughter is 100% guilty too!) is really, REALLY not convincing. Sorry, I don't take words at face value in situations like this.
your son will bolt the moment he has an opportunity. kids are good at spotting a lie.
i am sorry you had to go thru this.
you have many enemies in your own household rejoice they are no longer in your home.
matthew 10:36
Location: Gilbert, Arizona... a suburb of metro Phoenix in the East Valley
154 posts, read 287,791 times
Reputation: 106
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
I don't believe people come in here, and actually waste their time, placing a post like that. First off, tell me your spouse is going to post in here in retaliation, secondly, that is what these forums are for, to vent, and gain perspectives of others.
Just ignore these kind of people.
and by the way, I'm very, very sorry for what you are presently going thru...this is horrible for the children.
Thanks for some objective POV reality about forums, Crem... and for the kind words. Yes, it is HORRIBLE for them... I tried to get therapy for my daughter, but my wife fought it... then again, she never had therapy for herself and all her childhood sexual and physical abuse from her dysfunctional family members... a major red flag I overlooked when marrying her.
*Shrug* It takes a little more to offend me, ciby. Hey, at least I don't bore you with personal tales of woe.
Not trying to be offensive. Not my style. But thanks for the assumption. Always love assumptions.
Just letting you know how it feels.
You try and make a statement (as do others that go out of their way to post) and your response is a yawn in their face. Mature and educated all at the same time. Lovely.
And thinking people are boring you... leads back to the question first posed... if it's so boring for you... than why are you here?
Ted. I am not yawning for sure. This is serious business here. It seems the "court of public opinion" has swayed well to the female side in terms of favorable treatment in divorce. I have heard many stories about ugly divorces and what led up to them. It seems, from this relatively small sample that men tend to get the short end more often than not. If she claims abuse, that's often enough for the police to take the man into custody even lacking hard evidence. Anyway, there are laws against physical abuse. What about mental abuse? With the exception of extreme abuse, women seem to have perfected psychological warfare.
Good luck with your scenario. I sure don't envy you.
And why are more and more men questioning the supposed merits of marriage? Why indeed. There's nothing wrong with asking "what's in it for me?" It's your life after all. And if you see the apparent potential costs outweighing the benefits, then by all means, marriage may not be for you.
In the best of cases, marriage is tough. When individuals lack character, it has the potential to be a huge mess.
Might check with your lawyer, but in some states, at 12 years of age the child can choose which parent they want to live with. I know some families who have gone through that.
Ted,
I have never been through a divorce, but I have/am making my way through the courts over other legal matters in a similar situation... a bit of advice, get the absolute best lawyer money can buy. Go deep into debt if necessary. When it comes to appeals, make sure that your lawyer has appellate experience. If necessary, get someone who specifically handles appeals. Do everything within your power and that legal, moral and ethical to win this and take care of your son. Go to the mattresses. You can be a "good guy" without being a push-over. Just my two cents. I pray that God's will be done and that you all find peace in this matter. So heart-breaking.
Not trying to be offensive. Not my style. But thanks for the assumption. Always love assumptions.
Just letting you know how it feels.
Which is to say you were trying to offend me without being offensive. Got it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by canibeyou
You try and make a statement (as do others that go out of their way to post) and your response is a yawn in their face. Mature and educated all at the same time. Lovely.
What does education have anything to do with it? You mean, educated people don't yawn? Educated people take all comers and never ever yawn at a statement that deserves a yawn? Believing that a statement deserves intellectual consideration just because it exists is characteristic of people who are neither mature nor educated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by canibeyou
And thinking people are boring you...
Those thinking people who, for example, write for the New Yorker never bore me. I don't always agree with them, but they aren't boring. As to other "thinking people" -- it all depends on their capacity for thinking interesting thoughts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by canibeyou
leads back to the question first posed... if it's so boring for you... than why are you here?
Because, thankfully, I don't evaluate this forum by its lowest common denominator. There are plenty of very interesting and creative posters here.
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A Note To Ted
