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I'm new here, im 22 and female. I've been in a relationship for 6 months, he is my very first boyfriend, my first everything... i lost my virginity to him, i'm very much in love with him but ever since i got into a relationship, i've been so depressed to the point where i cry myself to sleep frequently, i hate myself, my appearence...I feel worthless
When we first met, it was wonderful. He paid so much attention to me, he made me feel beautiful.. it was overwhelming. I never really had a high self esteem or self image.. so he made me feel like a queen. I was on top of the world around him, everything felt amazing.
Then things started to go downhill and my self esteem and happiness went with it...
The day after I lost my virginity, he went to a nightclub with his friends. He called me from there and told me he was dancing in a sexy manner with girls there and he felt a bit turned on...
This broke my heart. There I was, at home feeling so in love with him about the night before, only to be told this. I cried myself to sleep imaging all the girls he was dancing with...imagining him being aroused by them.
Weeks after, i started to grow harder to it. I managed to put it out of my mind but it still hurt inside. Everytime he went out I would wonder and worry what he was upto, if he would meet a beautiful girl and leave me for her.
Things went well until I went to his house and he had piles of porno magazines.. It hurt more to see how perfect the girls were in them, large chests, slim figures, beautiful faces... i felt so inferior compared to them.
The next week I went back and he had covered most of his walls with posters of these girls... Not only did i have to ignore my feelings and insecurities inside, i now had to sleep with him while being surrounded by these perfect models. This was yet another blow to my self esteem.
Then at work he had to work shifts with this absolutely beautiful girl, she looked like one of the girls on his wall and this killed me inside.. again, i was getting more and more self concious and insecure about myself.
When we are out shopping or hanging out together, I see beautiful girls and he points them out to me. "She's hot!!" he'll say to me as she passes. Sometimes when we're not together and he goes shopping alone, he might text me to tell me that some girl was checking him out and he ends it with "she was so hot though".
This makes me hate myself even more. I feel like "Why is he drooling over these girls? am i not enough? am i not as pretty as them?".
I laugh it off and pretend not to care then go home and stare in the mirror, comparing myself to them... it hurts me so much. Everytime he does it, i feel like he's indirectly telling me that they're hotter than me, better than me, more of a turn on than me...
Everytime he goes out at night, i guarentee that he will text or call me just to tell me some girl hit on him. Everytime without fail. It hurts me so much.
I probably sound so insecure and jealous... that's because I am. Ever since being in a relationship, I've never felt so worthless, inferior and depressed in my entire life. It's killing me inside, I imagine him with other girls, i play it over and over in my head... it's killing me. Everyday i wake up and wonder why he's with me.
Not only this but im also getting paranoid.. When I dont hear from him I start to worry he's met someone.. he's falling for someone else... he's looking at beautiful girls etc
I just needed to get this out. iI've been suffering in silence for months, but surely this isnt just me? he isnt helping by throwing it in my face everyday. I dont know what to think.
Im insecure as it is and sometimes i feel like he's feeding my insecurities by reporting to me everytime a girl dances on him in a club or telling me to my face that some stranger is beautiful everytime we go out.
I've gone from a normal person to someone who's paranoid, jealous, anxious and depressed since being in this relationship. I don't even feel like i'd get anyone else if he left me. He too, is insecure by the way. When a man looks at me, he gets quiet and moody.
I'm new here, im 22 and female. I've been in a relationship for 6 months, he is my very first boyfriend, my first everything... i lost my virginity to him, i'm very much in love with him but ever since i got into a relationship, i've been so depressed to the point where i cry myself to sleep frequently, i hate myself, my appearence...I feel worthless
When we first met, it was wonderful. He paid so much attention to me, he made me feel beautiful.. it was overwhelming. I never really had a high self esteem or self image.. so he made me feel like a queen. I was on top of the world around him, everything felt amazing.
Then things started to go downhill and my self esteem and happiness went with it...
The day after I lost my virginity, he went to a nightclub with his friends. He called me from there and told me he was dancing in a sexy manner with girls there and he felt a bit turned on...
This broke my heart. There I was, at home feeling so in love with him about the night before, only to be told this. I cried myself to sleep imaging all the girls he was dancing with...imagining him being aroused by them.
Weeks after, i started to grow harder to it. I managed to put it out of my mind but it still hurt inside. Everytime he went out I would wonder and worry what he was upto, if he would meet a beautiful girl and leave me for her.
Things went well until I went to his house and he had piles of porno magazines.. It hurt more to see how perfect the girls were in them, large chests, slim figures, beautiful faces... i felt so inferior compared to them.
The next week I went back and he had covered most of his walls with posters of these girls... Not only did i have to ignore my feelings and insecurities inside, i now had to sleep with him while being surrounded by these perfect models. This was yet another blow to my self esteem.
Then at work he had to work shifts with this absolutely beautiful girl, she looked like one of the girls on his wall and this killed me inside.. again, i was getting more and more self concious and insecure about myself.
When we are out shopping or hanging out together, I see beautiful girls and he points them out to me. "She's hot!!" he'll say to me as she passes. Sometimes when we're not together and he goes shopping alone, he might text me to tell me that some girl was checking him out and he ends it with "she was so hot though".
This makes me hate myself even more. I feel like "Why is he drooling over these girls? am i not enough? am i not as pretty as them?".
I laugh it off and pretend not to care then go home and stare in the mirror, comparing myself to them... it hurts me so much. Everytime he does it, i feel like he's indirectly telling me that they're hotter than me, better than me, more of a turn on than me...
Everytime he goes out at night, i guarentee that he will text or call me just to tell me some girl hit on him. Everytime without fail. It hurts me so much.
I probably sound so insecure and jealous... that's because I am. Ever since being in a relationship, I've never felt so worthless, inferior and depressed in my entire life. It's killing me inside, I imagine him with other girls, i play it over and over in my head... it's killing me. Everyday i wake up and wonder why he's with me.
Not only this but im also getting paranoid.. When I dont hear from him I start to worry he's met someone.. he's falling for someone else... he's looking at beautiful girls etc
I just needed to get this out. iI've been suffering in silence for months, but surely this isnt just me? he isnt helping by throwing it in my face everyday. I dont know what to think.
Im insecure as it is and sometimes i feel like he's feeding my insecurities by reporting to me everytime a girl dances on him in a club or telling me to my face that some stranger is beautiful everytime we go out.
I've gone from a normal person to someone who's paranoid, jealous, anxious and depressed since being in this relationship. I don't even feel like i'd get anyone else if he left me. He too, is insecure by the way. When a man looks at me, he gets quiet and moody.
Leave him alone, and you, work on your self confidence! There is an old song, and it goes like this.."I can do bad by myself, I don't need no help..." Quit comparing yourself to others, and be the best, YOU, that you, can be. You need to surround yourself, with positive, uplifting people. Don't be desperate.
1. STOP putting all your happiness and self worth into another person!!! You are only setting yourself up for failure when you do this because people are human and not one human is 100% dependable at all times. People will disappoint you and you will disappoint others. It's a fact of life. You need to find your confidence, joy, and etc. from inside of you!!! Not from an external thing/person. What happens when that thing goes away or that person lets you down? You crash and burn and feel lost because whatever you invested everything into is gone.
2. I do think it's a little immature and disrespectful of your boyfriend to consistently express his thoughts about attractive women. Yes, it may be engraved in the male's DNA to act like this but I doubt any guy would like it if his girlfriend was constantly saying "that guy is SO hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". I think you need to casually bring up that you don't like him throwing in your face all these comments about other women. Don't make a huge scene about it because you don't want his defense to shoot up and a huge argument to blow. It does need to be addressed though since it is obviously bothering you so much.
3. Hang in there. Building up your self-esteem and confidence can be a tough journey and it often takes a life changing experience or something of the sort for it to happen. It IS very possible though!!!!!! It just takes time, perseverance, and your effort!
4. Okay, I just read that last part about him being insecure as well. He may be purposefully trying to make him seem like a very desirable guy to you so that way you will make him feel even more wanted. That's pretty petty and immature and manipulative if you ask me.
It would appear that both of you are very young, insecure, and distraught be the world at large. And you need to build your self confidence to really accept yourself and your upsides and the downsides. Embracing this totality will help the both of you.
So, I would, if I were you, dump him and work on your own self esteem and stop placing all your emotions and highs on this one guy.
Then I would go and do what humans do --- learn. Learn more about yourself. Go out and do all sorts of fun stuff/ and interesting stuff. Talk to your mom & dad. Humans have the ability to make life into what they want, and personally, I think you would rather not be a **** magnet.
This guy sounds like a dirtbag. He called to tell you he's turned on by some other chick the day after taking your virginity? That's absolutely despicable!
There is no way I would ever dream of treating my girlfriend like this. I think this guy needs to get some common decency and respect beaten into his moronic head by a real man.
Kick his worthless arse to the curb and start rebuilding your self-worth and never let another man treat you like this again.
This guy sounds like a dirtbag. He called to tell you he's turned on by some other chick the day after taking your virginity? That's absolutely despicable!
There is no way I would ever dream of treating my girlfriend like this. I think this guy needs to get some common decency and respect beaten into his moronic head by a real man.
Kick his worthless arse to the curb and start rebuilding your self-worth and never let another man treat you like this again.
Again, I am a male
If I was this girl...... I would slap the taste out of his mouth
The good news for you is that ... it's not you. He's a jerk who gets off on making his girlfriends jealous. HE's the insecure one! I mean what kind of "man" would be intimate with his girlfriend, especially knowing it was her first time, and then the very next night, call her to tell her that he's getting turned on by other women in a dance club? How immature is that! What other motivation could he possibly have had other than to MAKE you jealous? Did he really think you wanted or needed to know that? Same thing goes for when he has to constantly point out to you the women he sees who he thinks are hot. Lots of men (and women) find see attractive members of the opposite sex when they are out on dates, but they don't comment on them. Why couldn't he just think to himself, "Boy, she is hot"? Why does he feel the need to tell you? Because he wants to MAKE you jealous! And the porn thing ... way too obvious. I'm surprised he didn't have a blow-up doll laying on the couch too. He's playing mind games with you. This guy is a total loser. Dump Faux Man and get yourself a real man. You deserve so much better than this psycho.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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I think you are learning a valuable lesson about males in their early 20's. A lot of them never change. You'll recognize the crappy ones in the future and appreciate the good ones. Don't do anything stupid, like sleep with him again. Also, make sure he knows that he is your boyfriend before you pass any judgement.
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