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I get together with a group of families each Saturday in the summer for a potluck barbecue and social hour. Everyone is supposed to bring something to grill plus a side salad or dessert to share.
Well, there's one person who never brings any food. She does bring her three kids who help themselves to everyone else's food. She is a single mom and I'm sure she doesn't have lots of extra cash, but you can buy a pack of hotdogs and buns for less than $5. Or, at the very least she can bring a bottle of soda ($1) or a pasta salad that can be made for $2 or $3. If she was at home, I know she would feed her kids. They are all slightly overweight.
Usually, I ignore it because the rest of us bring extra food so there's enough for her kids. This weekend, however, I was upset because my kids asked me to bring turkey burgers to grill. They come in packs of four.
Well, no sooner were they off the grill than her kids snatched two of them. So then, my kids start whining b/c they don't want the hot dogs and hamburgers that other people brought (plus, I'm picky about the meat I purchase so I really don't want them to eat something that could be pumped full of hormones, antibiotics and nitrates). In the end, they ended up eating hamburger rolls filled with lettuce and tomato.
My dh says we should just bring extra food every week and not worry about what she brings or doesn't bring. Sure, we can do this indefinitely, but I don't want to continue to simmer.
Is there anyway I can broach the subject without seeming petty or nasty? Or should I just let it go?
I get together with a group of families each Saturday in the summer for a potluck barbecue and social hour. Everyone is supposed to bring something to grill plus a side salad or dessert to share.
Well, there's one person who never brings any food. She does bring her three kids who help themselves to everyone else's food. She is a single mom and I'm sure she doesn't have lots of extra cash, but you can buy a pack of hotdogs and buns for less than $5. Or, at the very least she can bring a bottle of soda ($1) or a pasta salad that can be made for $2 or $3. If she was at home, I know she would feed her kids. They are all slightly overweight.
Usually, I ignore it because the rest of us bring extra food so there's enough for her kids. This weekend, however, I was upset because my kids asked me to bring turkey burgers to grill. They come in packs of four.
Well, no sooner were they off the grill than her kids snatched two of them. So then, my kids start whining b/c they don't want the hot dogs and hamburgers that other people brought (plus, I'm picky about the meat I purchase so I really don't want them to eat something that could be pumped full of hormones, antibiotics and nitrates). In the end, they ended up eating hamburger rolls filled with lettuce and tomato.
My dh says we should just bring extra food every week and not worry about what she brings or doesn't bring. Sure, we can do this indefinitely, but I don't want to continue to simmer.
Is there anyway I can broach the subject without seeming petty or nasty? Or should I just let it go?
If you are bringing something specific for your kids, I don't think there is anything wrong in making it known that it is for YOUR kids. I have specials needs kids, and they don't eat just anything. I also know many sp. needs kids who *can't* eat certain things, and they are on special diets. I see nothing wrong with making sure your kids get what you brought for them.
However, I wouldn't worry about what she does or does not bring. It's as simple as:
"I brought those [whatever it is] specifically at my kids request. Sorry they aren't community food"
I get together with a group of families each Saturday in the summer for a potluck barbecue and social hour. Everyone is supposed to bring something to grill plus a side salad or dessert to share.
Well, there's one person who never brings any food. She does bring her three kids who help themselves to everyone else's food. She is a single mom and I'm sure she doesn't have lots of extra cash, but you can buy a pack of hotdogs and buns for less than $5. Or, at the very least she can bring a bottle of soda ($1) or a pasta salad that can be made for $2 or $3. If she was at home, I know she would feed her kids. They are all slightly overweight.
Usually, I ignore it because the rest of us bring extra food so there's enough for her kids. This weekend, however, I was upset because my kids asked me to bring turkey burgers to grill. They come in packs of four.
Well, no sooner were they off the grill than her kids snatched two of them. So then, my kids start whining b/c they don't want the hot dogs and hamburgers that other people brought (plus, I'm picky about the meat I purchase so I really don't want them to eat something that could be pumped full of hormones, antibiotics and nitrates). In the end, they ended up eating hamburger rolls filled with lettuce and tomato.
My dh says we should just bring extra food every week and not worry about what she brings or doesn't bring. Sure, we can do this indefinitely, but I don't want to continue to simmer.
Is there anyway I can broach the subject without seeming petty or nasty? Or should I just let it go?
Because you brought the turkey burgers for your kids, and everyone was supposed to bring their own stuff to grill, there would have been nothing wrong with simply saying, "Oops, sorry, kiddos, those are for us. Tim and Sarah like turkey burgers. Go ask your mom which ones are yours." Keep a sharp eye next time before they grab them, because you probably don't want them back.
As for the not bringing anything, there's nothing you can politely do unless you are the host of the event (short of boycotting the potluck). If it's your house or you're organizing the event, it's fine to just ask people what they're bringing.
Yes, it's not very nice to show up to a potluck empty-handed, but as a fellow guest, I'd just let it go. If this woman brought something you didn't like or couldn't eat, that wouldn't be a problem, right?
Last edited by JustJulia; 06-29-2009 at 12:52 PM..
Reason: Typo
I get together with a group of families each Saturday in the summer for a potluck barbecue and social hour. Everyone is supposed to bring something to grill plus a side salad or dessert to share.
Well, there's one person who never brings any food. She does bring her three kids who help themselves to everyone else's food. She is a single mom and I'm sure she doesn't have lots of extra cash, but you can buy a pack of hotdogs and buns for less than $5. Or, at the very least she can bring a bottle of soda ($1) or a pasta salad that can be made for $2 or $3. If she was at home, I know she would feed her kids. They are all slightly overweight.
Usually, I ignore it because the rest of us bring extra food so there's enough for her kids. This weekend, however, I was upset because my kids asked me to bring turkey burgers to grill. They come in packs of four.
Well, no sooner were they off the grill than her kids snatched two of them. So then, my kids start whining b/c they don't want the hot dogs and hamburgers that other people brought (plus, I'm picky about the meat I purchase so I really don't want them to eat something that could be pumped full of hormones, antibiotics and nitrates). In the end, they ended up eating hamburger rolls filled with lettuce and tomato.
My dh says we should just bring extra food every week and not worry about what she brings or doesn't bring. Sure, we can do this indefinitely, but I don't want to continue to simmer.
Is there anyway I can broach the subject without seeming petty or nasty? Or should I just let it go?
I really resent it when people like this behave this way and put me in the position of having to be the bad guy by speaking up, so I feel for you!
How does the rest of your group feel about the situation? Maybe discussing it with others involved would give you some new information about her situation which would help you to feel less taken advantage of? Other than that I really like Julia's suggestion above about watching your own grilled meat carefully and preventing them from taking off with it next time.
I'd simply quit going. Things like this get me peeved. I can't stand a free-loader, especially when you see someone doing this FREQUENTLY. I would let something like this build up in me to the point that when I finally am ready to say something about it, it would come out nasty.
I get together with a group of families each Saturday in the summer for a potluck barbecue and social hour. Everyone is supposed to bring something to grill plus a side salad or dessert to share.
Well, there's one person who never brings any food. She does bring her three kids who help themselves to everyone else's food. She is a single mom and I'm sure she doesn't have lots of extra cash, but you can buy a pack of hotdogs and buns for less than $5. Or, at the very least she can bring a bottle of soda ($1) or a pasta salad that can be made for $2 or $3. If she was at home, I know she would feed her kids. They are all slightly overweight.
Usually, I ignore it because the rest of us bring extra food so there's enough for her kids. This weekend, however, I was upset because my kids asked me to bring turkey burgers to grill. They come in packs of four.
Well, no sooner were they off the grill than her kids snatched two of them. So then, my kids start whining b/c they don't want the hot dogs and hamburgers that other people brought (plus, I'm picky about the meat I purchase so I really don't want them to eat something that could be pumped full of hormones, antibiotics and nitrates). In the end, they ended up eating hamburger rolls filled with lettuce and tomato.
My dh says we should just bring extra food every week and not worry about what she brings or doesn't bring. Sure, we can do this indefinitely, but I don't want to continue to simmer.
Is there anyway I can broach the subject without seeming petty or nasty? Or should I just let it go?
Not really, because in my mind, you're being petty or nasty for letting this get to you.
Because you brought the turkey burgers for your kids, and everyone was supposed to bring their own stuff to grill, there would have been nothing wrong with simply saying, "Oops, sorry, kiddos, those are for us. Tim and Sarah like turkey burgers. Go ask your mom which ones are yours." Keep a sharp eye next time before they grab them, because you probably don't want them back.
As for the not bringing anything, there's nothing you can politely do unless you are the host of the event (short of boycotting the potluck). If it's your house or you're organizing the event, it's fine to just ask people what they're bringing.
Yes, it's not very nice to show up to a potluck empty-handed, but as a fellow guest, I'd just let it go. If this woman brought something you didn't like or couldn't eat, that wouldn't be a problem, right?
I totally agree with this post.
My SIL and her children are on a glutten free diet. After a few times of coming to gatherings and complaining that there was nothing for her or her children to eat, her sisters finally said very politely, Maybe you could make something that you all could eat.
I think it's ok to let the kids know that sometimes, everything isn't up for grabs and saying it this way saves embarassment all the way around.
Don't feel bad for being somewhat resentful. It a very normal feeling under the circumstances.
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
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Sometimes a straight forward direct communication works the best, like Oh I'm sorry i brought those for my children! I see you having multiple choices most of which have a negative concequence for you unless you bring a hault to that behavior. Unless you have no intentions of ever going back then say nothing....or speak up for whats yours and be clear and direct and go on enjoying your get togethers! As long as someone is allowed to behave as they wish they will continue to do so. Speak up in a mature, grown professional way and it should be well received and your problems are fixed!
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