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Yes, I'm agreed with most of the advice . . . with the exception of putting down California. Crime and problems are everywhere. I have lived in California, Arizona, Florida, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and New York. I am old enough to have spent time in all those places, too! I am a woman.
Thus, yes, you should go where your "gut" and your heart take you. I truly believe you should "take a chance" while you're young; it's harder once you're older [not impossible, but harder].
And yes, if you give up your dreams to stay with this young woman, down the road, you may "blame her" for the opportunity missed to try your hand at a new place, better position.
If she really loves you and you her, give yourself a year in California. She will either join you or she won't. And know, you have every right to return to Maryland if you are not finding California to your liking.
Given that, as a person who has moved from place to place [as I love adventure or have gypsy blood] -- give California one year before making any decision. It takes, at least, one year for a place to feel "like home" completely; and any decision you make, at that point, no one can say you didn't give it a chance.
THANKS to everyone. I've picked up some great advise from what I've read here. Especial thanks to the women that made the comments, It gave me a good point of view that I'm not just a guy wanting to move away but that my career does matter. This weekend I will talk with her and hopefully make some progress. I will keep everyone up to date.
If she loved you the way you say she does she wouldn't make you choose I would go
ya know if you love something set it free
I've always loved the "set it free" advice.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves. Possessive and controlling friendships and relationships can be as harmful as neglect.
KewGee, I always liked that adage too until I set my pet boa free. Maybe it just lost it's way home
I'm a girl as well, and going through a similar situation. Only, fortunately, while my boyfriend isn't sure he wants to come with, he definitely wants me to take the opportunity and go.
Personally, as far as whether to go if she refuses to go AND says she'll leave you if you go, I only have this one thing to go on, but just from that she sounds controlling and manipulative (even if as others suggested she's 'testing you' or 'holding out for marriage' that would be a crappy way to go about it). If you feel as stuck there as I do in OH, I think if you don't take this opportunity and stay just to make her happy, you will be unhappy and both you and the relationship will suffer. And as others have pointed out you may end up resenting her as well.
I try to be a believer in if it's meant to work out, it will. Either your work will bring you back that way again, she will decide after a time of not being with you that it would be worth it for her to move to (or decide to go with you now), or you two will go your separate ways and it'll be for the best.
If it's not that she's controlling and just wants to have her way, perhaps it's just that she's scared. In fact, now that I think about the fact she was excited at first, that seems more likely. Remember, you're the one with the great job opportunity...she may wonder what she's supposed to do with herself in a place where, unlike you, she's got no contacts, etc. It's been suggested that this is my boyfriend's reason for not wanting to move to FL as well. I'm the one who has a potential job set up, and several apps already submitted and a brother in the area who's given me a place to live regardless of if I've found a job before I move. While my brother is supportive and in fact encouraging my boyfriend moving with me, he's not related, and has no other connection to the area. I know where he's got experience and jobs he might like doing, so I did a search myself and found him at least a dozen jobs just within an hour of where I plan to be (and about a half hour of looking) and then did a search in OH for similar and only found 2 and reiterated my brother's offer.
He hasn't gotten back to me yet on if he's looked them over, but at least this way he can see that there are things in FL he'd enjoy that would give him experience toward his eventual goals (one of which is possibly moving to CA himself, which when this was my initial plan to relocate to first he was excited about). So, the short version of that is that I'm suggesting if it seems to be related to fears of not finding a job, or fitting in that you find some things to get her thinking that it won't be as big a deal as she thinks, etc. and see if that helps her be more on board. If she was excited before and now isn't, find out why. (Especially if she talked to a friend--friends intentions which may or may not be for the best can hold a lot of sway--so find out what was said and if you can counter the arguments do so).
I think you should go for it if you guys are meant to be together you will make it somehow. If she really wants to be with you she will follow you. Maybe not now if she's not ready but maybe later. She will figure it out. Or, if you won't feel comfortable over there you can come back.
//sorry I didn't realise the year this thread is from.
I may be biased because i, for one, LOVE California.. so I would definitely make the move lol.
You are really young..23.. unless you plan on marrying her in the next 2 years, I'd say make the move and make it work. If it doesnt, it wasn't meant to be.
Your job is important and especially if you love your job.
Go for it. And don't believe the BS about "immigration problems" in California. The only "immigration problems " here are the craven politicians who try to make it sound as if there's a problem. You're 23. Don't tie yourself down.
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