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That's what I think too. But then I get kind of tired to always have to explain myself to someone who is very different. I think I want someone in the middle. Someone who has a lot in common with me, but can challenge me at the same time.
That's what I think too. But then I get kind of tired to always have to explain myself to someone who is very different. I think I want someone in the middle. Someone who has a lot in common with me, but can challenge me at the same time.
You need someone opposite of you yet respects how you are.
As long as there's no pressure by either side for the other to be more like....bleah, you get what I'm saying, right?
I believe, but I don't go to church. If I was wanting an atheist to go to church with me all the time though, if I expected her to pray, or observe religious holidays...that would be bad. If she's an environmentalist, and got on me about throwing things in the trash, instead of her little "recycle" area--especially when I'm the one who gets to haul it to the curb--or now, the dumpster....that would be wrong.
That being said, I'm somewhat comfortable with observing whatever dietary restrictions she wants to impose--as long as she's the one doing the cooking. But she better not get upset if I go out and have a burger or a ham sandwich, which I've paid for out of my "allowance", without her. Maybe even in front of her--that's something I'd have to take under consideration.
In some ways, she NEEDS to be the opposite of me, to balance me out. If she's very social, for instance, that can be a good thing, because then she can handle all the social interactions. Talking to the waiter, the teller down at the bank, the landlord or property manager--things I'm uncomfortable with doing. And I'd hope she's a better cook than me, and knows how to live on a budget--instead of figuring things like me. "This is what comes in, so this is what I have to spend (all of it). So when it's all gone, it's all gone."
Not for me they can't. Been there did THAT and all we did was disagree and bicker about stuff all the time. I have to be with someone who I have a lot in common with.
My wife and I share a lot of core values. Yet, at the same time, we have different ideas on politics, music, movies, books, and a lot of other things--quite often, opposite views.
I think mature people accept and even enjoy the differences. It's the immature ones who want an SO who mirrors their views and--when encountering a differing opinion--try to browbeat their SO into accepting their own worldview.
For example, I harbor strongly-held political views. So does my wife. It is the rare election where our votes don't cancel each other out. That being said, we have good-natured debates, and then let it drop. Yet there are people who say, "Well, no way I could be married to a Republican" or "Marry a liberal? Absolutely not."
To me, that's a lack of maturity and a lack of understanding regarding what makes a marriage work. You agree on matters such as how to raise the children, how to divide the labor, how to spend the money, and how to love one another without reservation day after day. Everything else is negotiable.
Is it important to share core beliefs with someone? Would you date someone who didn't share your beliefs? Like lets say you're conservative, he/she is liberal. You're religious, and they are atheist.
Or what about other things like interests - you like foreign films, he likes movies where lots of things blow up.
Can opposites really work in a relationship?
Most certainly they do as long as you have maintained open lines of communication.It can be a good balance.
I find being attracted to some one who is somewhat different than oneself is most exciting.
The man I'm with is completely opposite to me but like I stated before if you've maintained open lines of communication I don't see it being such a big deal. Also if you're able to overcome all your differences.
For example, I harbor strongly-held political views. So does my wife. It is the rare election where our votes don't cancel each other out. That being said, we have good-natured debates, and then let it drop. Yet there are people who say, "Well, no way I could be married to a Republican" or "Marry a liberal? Absolutely not."
To me, that's a lack of maturity and a lack of understanding regarding what makes a marriage work. You agree on matters such as how to raise the children, how to divide the labor, how to spend the money, and how to love one another without reservation day after day. Everything else is negotiable.
I don't think that shows a lack of maturity at all. The things you listed (parenting, division of labor, financial approach, etc.) have more to do with being able to live together and raise kids. But most people want a much deeper bond with their partner. I'd want to be with someone who I can be sure understands me. Doesn't mean we have to agree on everything. But there are certain fundamental aspects to who I am that I'd want to be able to share with someone. Spiritual views are a perfect example of that. One person could be deeply spiritual and the other an atheist. But can those people truly understand one another? Maybe. Can they form a deep bond over their shared spiritual views? Obviously not. Same thing with politics. Political views, especially strongly held ones, are a reflection of your character and values. It's not the same thing as which team do you root for or whether you're a football fan or not. They speak to something deeper about who you are and I see nothing immature in wanting to share that connection with someone.
I don't think that shows a lack of maturity at all. The things you listed (parenting, division of labor, financial approach, etc.) have more to do with being able to live together and raise kids. But most people want a much deeper bond with their partner. I'd want to be with someone who I can be sure understands me. Doesn't mean we have to agree on everything. But there are certain fundamental aspects to who I am that I'd want to be able to share with someone. Spiritual views are a perfect example of that. One person could be deeply spiritual and the other an atheist. But can those people truly understand one another? Maybe. Can they form a deep bond over their shared spiritual views? Obviously not. Same thing with politics. Political views, especially strongly held ones, are a reflection of your character and values. It's not the same thing as which team do you root for or whether you're a football fan or not. They speak to something deeper about who you are and I see nothing immature in wanting to share that connection with someone.
See, I would hold that politics has nothing to do with ethics, characters, or values. Instead, your politics are your choice of a governing philosophy, one based on what you think delivers the greatest amount of good to the largest number of people. Given the behavior of both political parties over the past thirty years, they're no better than the Crips or the Bloods.
Unless, of course, we're talking about Fascism or Stalinism or some other totalitarianism that require oppressive measures to quell a discontented citizenry, you're really arguing approaches, not morality. And if one is a Democrat and holds that Republicans are intrinsically immoral (or vice versa), what one is really doing is dehumanizing a competing political view rooted in the reality of its adherents. That, in turn, is the first step towards fascism, in my opinion.
See, I would hold that politics has nothing to do with ethics, characters, or values. Instead, your politics are your choice of a governing philosophy, one based on what you think delivers the greatest amount of good to the largest number of people. Given the behavior of both political parties over the past thirty years, they're no better than the Crips or the Bloods.
Isn't that the truth - Actually more dangerous and destructive to our society given their position of power.
See, I would hold that politics has nothing to do with ethics, characters, or values. Instead, your politics are your choice of a governing philosophy, one based on what you think delivers the greatest amount of good to the largest number of people. Given the behavior of both political parties over the past thirty years, they're no better than the Crips or the Bloods.
Unless, of course, we're talking about Fascism or Stalinism or some other totalitarianism that require oppressive measures to quell a discontented citizenry, you're really arguing approaches, not morality. And if one is a Democrat and holds that Republicans are intrinsically immoral (or vice versa), what one is really doing is dehumanizing a competing political view rooted in the reality of its adherents. That, in turn, is the first step towards fascism, in my opinion.
Politics definitely says a lot about your values. Just look at all the cultural issues that forms the political divide (abortion, stem cell research, the teaching of creationism in schools, gay marriage, etc.). If someone tells me they're a Republican, that doesn't tell me a lot about their character or values. But if someone says they're Republican because they think abortion is murder, that torture is justified if it saves lives, and that government shouldn't bother aiding people who can't afford health insurance, that tells something about their values. Likewise, if someone's a Democrat because they think people shouldn't be allowed to own guns, that no crime, no matter how bad, ever warrants being put to death, and that gays should be allowed to marry, that too tells me something about their values. As for your point about how "your politics are based on what you think delivers the greatest amount of good to the largest number of people," not everyone believes that. In fact, too many people in both parties vote based only on what's in their best interests, not that of their fellow Americans.
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