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I guess I'm the only one who thinks you might be reading into it too much.
I think it's absolutely possible for her to know 3 people with birthdays within 4 weeks. In fact, I find that this happens in a lot of social circles. I know 3 people with birthday's within 4 weeks in the months of May and April and another 3, not even including myself, with birthdays in June. In fact, all 3 June birthdays are on the EXACT same DAY. And these aren't acquaintances, these are close family and friends so we always have one party for the May/April birthdays and one party for the June birthdays. Another one of my friends knows about 5 people, including myself, with birthdays in June - I always feel so bad for her in June because she's broke from buying everyone gifts, lol. I tell her she doesn't have to buy mine until July, lol.
As for the other comments, it might be a sign that she is insecure or has baggage or is seeing someone else. But isn't it also possible she is just trying to get closer to you by telling you how much she appreciates the way you treat her and how much she likes you? Does she display any other signs of insecurity or baggage? I think if these are you're only red flags, you're making some bold assumptions. Have you considered talking to her about it before writing her off completely? You sound a little uncomfortable whenever she brings up her feelings - instead of changing the subject and making assumptions, why didn't you ASK her how she was treated in her past relationships? Why didn't you ASK her if she has any particular reasons to fear that someone will get hurt? Why don't you just flat out ask her if she's seeing someone else and let her know although you'd be okay with that, if she has less interest in you, you'd like to know now?
You can't expect to have a good relationship with anyone if you're not willing to discuss things like this and instead change the subject and think it's all very awkward.
That said, I do think that if you've initiated every date so far, you may want to take a step back and let her make some of the effort.
Thank you. This is exactly what I was looking for, some outside and wise opinion other than my own.
I wasn't going to write her off completely, but now that I look at this angle maybe she was just trying to share feelings with me. There really hasn't been any insecurities or flags before this. She also has admitted vaguely that she's a little confused by me, as well as I'm the type of guy she usually dates (she usually dates nerdy guys like artists and musicians and she says I'm more of a business and sporty type guy).
I will definately take your advice, instead of avoiding it I'll maybe try to get her to elaborate on why she's bringing that up. I always agreed communication was important and here I am avoiding it.
I will probably take a step back. She asked me to call sunday and I nodded. Maybe I'll wait to see if she calls me instead, or just call her sunday but don't initiate a date, let her set something up.
Thanks again. I'm coming straight to you from now on. lol
I guess I'm the only one who thinks you might be reading into it too much.
I think it's absolutely possible for her to know 3 people with birthdays within 4 weeks. In fact, I find that this happens in a lot of social circles. I know 3 people with birthday's within 4 weeks in the months of May and April and another 3, not even including myself, with birthdays in June. In fact, all 3 June birthdays are on the EXACT same DAY. And these aren't acquaintances, these are close family and friends so we always have one party for the May/April birthdays and one party for the June birthdays. Another one of my friends knows about 5 people, including myself, with birthdays in June - I always feel so bad for her in June because she's broke from buying everyone gifts, lol. I tell her she doesn't have to buy mine until July, lol.
As for the other comments, it might be a sign that she is insecure or has baggage or is seeing someone else. But isn't it also possible she is just trying to get closer to you by telling you how much she appreciates the way you treat her and how much she likes you? Does she display any other signs of insecurity or baggage? I think if these are you're only red flags, you're making some bold assumptions. Have you considered talking to her about it before writing her off completely? You sound a little uncomfortable whenever she brings up her feelings - instead of changing the subject and making assumptions, why didn't you ASK her how she was treated in her past relationships? Why didn't you ASK her if she has any particular reasons to fear that someone will get hurt? Why don't you just flat out ask her if she's seeing someone else and let her know although you'd be okay with that, if she has less interest in you, you'd like to know now?
You can't expect to have a good relationship with anyone if you're not willing to discuss things like this and instead change the subject and think it's all very awkward.
That said, I do think that if you've initiated every date so far, you may want to take a step back and let her make some of the effort.
Ditto!
Don't read too much into things at this stage. It's still early.
Don't read too much into things at this stage. It's still early.
Have fun!
Oh I do, its just like many others, I've been immature in my approach in past situations, and I've also not dated seriously in 2 years, so I don't really trust my judgments right now.
I don't plan on writing her off, but I'm just trying to make sure I see red flags and take heed as I used to ignore them in the past.
Went on Date #5 with Girl A last night. Went well, basically decided not to spend money and just cuddled on her couch, watched a movie, talked, made out, and drank wine (not in that order).
Couple things popped up that bothered me.
1. She slipped about something someone "we ran into" (meaning me and her) last night, which we didn't go out last night, she was at a friends bday party. She's had like 3 friend's have bdays in the last 4 weeks. Odd. Probably means she's seeing another dude, but this actually isn't a flag for me, she's allowed to date others, and I have a date line up with Girl B this weekend.
2. We're sitting there talking and she says out of nowhere "you are such a sweetheart, why are you so nice to me?" I really didn't know how to respond, I haven't really done ANYTHING THAT NICE. I took her out on dates which we went dutch on almost all of them. I don't compliment her very often, and I don't shower her with gifts. Not sure what this means. I say "sounds like you've had some douch-bag bf's in the past, that's too bad" and then I changed the subject. Awkward.
3. About an hour later, still cuddling, she says out of nowhere "I'm afraid of getting hurt". Long pause....I say semi-nonseriously "we're all afraid of getting hurt -Girl A-...." She then says, yeah, I'm just afraid of being hurt or hurting someone else..." I changed the subject again. Didn't know what to say to this.
My take: 2 major red flags.
I know she's probably dating other guy(s), but that's ok, the being hurt statement tells me she's torn between me and another guy and is hinting that I may be the odd man out.
Also, the being nice to her comment is one I've heard before from other girls, and I know it's not a good one. To me it means she doesn't know how to handle being treated with respect and what a classy guy is like, aka baggage.
I personally do not want to deal with this if these are the cases. I'd almost prefer to walk away from this, or at least put her in a situation where she has to reach to get me. She said she has friends coming to town (again) this weekend but I should call her around sunday afternoon. I'm thinking no; I will call her Tuesday, just make small talk for a while, and instead of asking her out again I'll just say "hey gotta run, catch ya later". I've initiated every date to this point, I say time to make her take a step.
What do you guys think?
I think the "you're such a sweetheart, why are you so nice to me" thing isn't that big of a deal. I hear people say that all the time, men and women. It's just another way of saying that you are a good guy and she appreciates it. I don't think she really wants you to tell her why you're so nice to her (if she does - eek). You know? I guess there's a twist to it, though. I've said it before and it was in more of an "AWWWWW, why are you so good to me!" way. It wasn't pathetic and sad like I thought I didn't deserve what he had done.
The "I don't want to hurt blah blah blah" thing is a bit more tricky. That can really depend on the girl. I have said this to a guy before and I did so because I really thought he was trying to F with me. I liked him and wasn't sure what he was thinking - eventhough we were dating - so it was kind of a warning to him that he should tread lightly. When I said it, we had a great conversation about why I said it. In that way, I have found it to be a great tool to get a guy to talk when things aren't going so well. It's the usage of "I" language at it's best!
And, lastly, you don't really sound too torn up over the situation so why not just move on? See her casually and whatever happens, happens, right? If she's messing with your head, then no loss to you.
Stop playing games. Say what's on your mind. Girls are humans too, so TALK to her for goodness' sake!
Yes, I did read through all the posted responses - what a bunch of basic crap from some. Honesty is always the best policy and communication is key where any relationship is concerned,.
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