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Ack! Telling her that would probably be the worst way to handle it! She'd probably start thinking, "Hmm, if only his wife was out of the way somehow..." People who are obsessed or even strongly attracted tend to only hear what they want to hear. For her, it'd be "...you're very attractive, and if I were single we'd be banging like a screen door in a hurricane..." That's it. Yikes! What a recipe for a fatal attraction. (And yes, I know you were just being funny...)
CPG, tell your wife. She needs to know what's going on. If you handle this problem delicately, everything will be fine, but the last thing you need is your wife asking you why you didn't tell her - especially because you've told her about similar situations before. Besides, you need a female opinion from someone who knows this client. I think you have a good idea of what's going on, but another person's input certainly wouldn't go amiss.
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Originally Posted by Darthfrodo
I'd have gone over there for lunch and just been myself. You're friend and business associate just asked to have a lunch together. Nothing sinister there, she didn't say she'd be naked. BUT, if she flat out suggested developing a possible romantic relationship with me, I'd say: "I'm very flattered, and you're very attractive, and if I were single we'd be banging like a screen door in a hurricane. But I'm married and I just couldn't hurt my wife like that."
I think you should tell her, give the fact that she's pretty cool with thing like this. Give her the benefit of the doubt, and perhaps she can help you with coming up with a way to deter the woman without being outright rude.
Your wife, family and home are all worth more than any business deal. Tell your wife. And trust your gut. Obviously you were second-guessing yourself and posted here to get our opinions on the situation.
Especially considering that you are unsure of how to handle this, I would recommend consulting your wife. As someone else said, she may have some insight for you. You already know she trusts you, and this, at the very worst, could do no harm. It brings it into the open, so if this woman should try to advance her agenda (if there is one), then you are not springing it on your wife after it has become a problem. Full disclosure is best, IMO.
With this person, I would just keep it professional and friendly, and would not go to her house unless it was for a defined purpose. Even then, I might suggest meeting at a restaurant or other such public place. Also let your wife know about any such meetings.
I would tell the wife too. Otherwise..What if wanna-be-skanko just made some crap up to drum up the drama at your house? What she said about the dingbat leaves me thinking she really will not be taking it well and probably does not like her because she can smell the type a mile away. I think marriage is more important than one client. Unless you are just in this for the ego stroking?
I have a client with whom I've also been friends forever. Never any hanky-panky. Never had a conversation that I wouldn't have in front of either of our spouses, either. Essentially, every couple of months, I advise her on something, chit chat about life, then move on. A totally proper relationship.
Lately, she's calling almost weekly about just any trivial thing. Her computer acting up. The name and phone number of a long-ago acquaintance. Whatever. In short, the pattern of her calling has changed to something different.
Yesterday, I was driving home and decided to pick up lunch along the way. She called me and asked what I was doing. I mentioned that I was picking up lunch and going home. To which she said, "Well, you can eat lunch over here." Mind you, this is a woman who lives ten miles away. I have been to her house precisely twice in the past ten years or so.
Is she inviting me to do something besides lunch? Is this my imagination? And what should I do about this. No, attractive as she is, I have no intention of doing anything wrong. I'm just wondering if my instincts are right, and how do I keep her as a client. I also don't like the fact that I haven't told my wife about this conversation, either.
Maybe to keep her as a client, and keep it friendly but send a loud and clear message, bring your wife along the next visit you must make.
Well, here's the thing. I'm not even sure what her intentions are. And since we all are consultants, it's not uncommon to drive over to someone's house and do business at the kitchen table. In this person's case, I typically meet her someplace convenient such as the food court of a mall.
In fact, I think that's probably the safest route, allowing her to save face if she really was up to no good, not confronting her if she wasn't, and continuing to do business the way we always have. After all, in this economy, I'm just in no mood to leave a pile of money on the table just based on how she might have phrased a question.
You could also make her think your wife is also a business partner or assists you on business matters -- so include the wife.
That way you don't have to confront her, you don't even have to tell the wife what you suspect - just tell her you'd feel more comfortable with her coming along. Keep it all above board for everyone's sake and this way the customer doesn't have to feel embarassed or rejected.
Yeah, as for the client, you could always change the subject with some sort of dumb joke, a digression, or non sequitur when she calls too much or puts you into a awkward situation.
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Besides, you need a female opinion from someone who knows this client. I think you have a good idea of what's going on, but another person's input certainly wouldn't go amiss.
