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Assertiveness and/or agressive behavior in a woman are very similar, one is verbal the other is physical...of which each behavior is hard to have without the other. If you feel you have one of these behavior models, it can be good for idependent women in business working with men and women. However, a woman who acts this way around freinds and loved ones (husband & children) outside the work enviroment; tends to be unappealing for most people near these women. Usually there are behavior signs of not being a good listener, one who knows it all, and one that cannot admit fault. These can be good women but it makes work out of loving them easily.
An assertive woman knows what she wants and is interested in making it happen, but NOT at any cost. She's smart and isn't interested in beating around the bush with games.
Aggressive -- less so.
Aggressive women can begin with assertiveness but carry it to a pushy level, determined to get their way -- and I'm willing to compromise to He** and back, but I'm not interested in being anyone's doormat.
Aggressive women often feel they have a point to prove to someone and it can go one of two ways: Either they get the idea I'm willing to compromise and we can work together after that because I AM the kind of man who's willing to listen, or they escalate things to belligerence.
Belligerent -- not at all.
Many modern women THINK belligerence is assertiveness, when in fact it's just bullying. And trust me, I WILL NOT be bullied by men or women. Women like this can kiss my arse on their way to He**.
While it can be nice to have a woman make the first move, generally speaking I like quieter and shy women who let me lead and be the man in the relationship. Overly agressive turns me off and makes the relationship feel like a p***ing contest.
A girl who stills holds my heart even though long term we weren't right for each other was pretty vulnerable, needed me, and let me lead- it was pretty cool. A particularly intense memory is picking her up (she was 5' and had a thin build) and carrying her upstairs into my bedroom. The submission and trust she showed was just great.
I SENT A MESSAGE TO A GUY THAT I REALLY LIKE NOW THAT HE'S SINGLE. 2 YEARS AGO, HE WILL TELL ME HOW HIS GIRLFRIEND CHEATED ON HIM AND WHATEVER. BUT SINCE THAN, HE MOVED BACK TO OHIO TO BE WITH HER TO MAKE THINGS WORK AGAIN. NOW HE'S BACK KISSING MY A-S. I GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE YOU KNOW. WELL NOW HE HAS TOLD ME THAT HE'S SO OVERWHELMED ABOUT EVERYTHING SUCH AS HAVING A NEW JOB, GETTING A NEW HOME, HAVING A NEW LIFE... BECAUSE OF THAT, HE SAID THAT HE NEEDS TIMES AND THAT HE WILL CONTACT ME WHEN HE GETS THINGS SORTED OUT, BUT HE SAID HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW LONG THAT WOULD BE. SO I SAID, "I UNDERSTAND, I RESPECT YOUR DECISION, I WILL SUPPORT YOU OK." HE SAID, "THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING, I APPRECIATE IT." THAN HE DELETED ME OFF HIS FACEBOOK. I TOLD HIM WHY YOU DELETED ME OFF YOUR FACEBOOK??? HE SAID, "YOU NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT I DELETED OFF OF MY FRIENDLIST, I ONLY DELETED THE ONES THAT I KNOW WOULD INTERRUPT ME. SO I SAID, "WHENEVER YOU FEELING YOURSELF AGAIN, YOU CAN ADD ME BACK AS A FRIEND. SO, IT'S BEEN A WEEK NOW, I WANTED TO SHOW HIM THAT I CARE BY SENDING HIM A MESSAGE ON FACEBOOK SAYING THIS.
Nakita Benjamin January 27 at 3:54am
I just wanted to tell you that I've been thinking about you lately and that I been missing you lately. Its been a while you know. I know you have a lot on your mind, I know how that's like. I hope everything is going well with you hun. Hope to hear from you when you ready to come out of the cave .
I HAVEN'T GOTTEN AN REPLY YET. I WAS HOPING THAT HE WOULD REPLY OR SOMETHING SINCE I WAS BEING SINCERE.
THE NEXT DAY HE APPEARED ONLINE ON YAHOO MESSENGER. 5 MINUTES LATTER I DECIDED TO SAY HI, HE DIDN'T RESPOND. I SAID, "ARE YOU OK NOW?" HE STILL DIDN'T REPLY. SO I WAITED 15 MINUTES, THAN I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, SO I SAID "WHY YOU IGNORING ME? I HATE THAT YOU GIVING ME THE SILENT TREATMENT. I'M SO TURN OFF BY YOUR BEHAVIOR. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M DONE."
SO AFTER I SAID THAT, HE WENT OFFLINE. I WAS PRETTY UPSET... I HAD SO MUCH TO SAY TO HIM THAT HE NEEDS TO KNOW... I DESIDED TO EXPRESS MYSELF TO HIM ABOUT WHAT I DON'T WANT OUT OF THIS FUTURE RELATIONSHIP. SO I MESSAGE HIM ON FACEBOOK HOPING THAT HE WOULD READ THIS.
THIS IS WHAT I SENT HIM YESTERDAY NIGHT.
Nakita Benjamin January 29 at 3:05am
Look, I like you, and i hate when people ignore me for no apparent reason. When im being ignored, it just doesn't feel good, I feel disrespected. Since I haven't talking to you for a week, I've been so busy that I almost forgotten about you... I tend to forget a lot when I'm busy. I'm afraid that you might forget about me too...
I've been patient with you for 2 years you know what i'm saying. You are everything that I pictured to be with and that's why I waited. I never met you yet and i'm already being pushed aside which is a little strange, but its ok because I don't own you and you don't own me. I respect that you have your space and I hope you respect that I have my space as well one day.
I been thinking about you yesterday night, that is why I emailed you.
The way you deal with stress is how I use to deal with my stress. But you got to remember, stress can be really harmful to your health... This really concerns me to be honest. I want you to be happy, that is what makes me happy.
I don't know if you trying to let me down easily... Its been weeks now... If it was couple of month, I would have moved on with my life. It would be nice to see new updates from you, but how would I know how your doing if I am not your friend on Facebook lol?? I wouldn't need to be hitting you up like this.
I care about you and your needs. I guess I need to back off for good and not contact you no more until you really ready to talk.
You said you like clingy and not controlling right? I can't be that clingy girl all the time. I'm a independent women now. I don't need someone to make me happy... I don't like to cling myself to someone who don't cling back. I learn many years ago to love myself and not to depend on some guy to love me unconditionally. It would be nice to know how it's like to be loved by a men, but I never experience that. I've been hurt so many times, I do not want to be hurt no more. I'm sick and tired of these mind games that people play you know.
Right now I want to know how its like to be single again. I'm giving myself at least 3 months to be alone in peace. When you ready to open up to me, you can contact me again. By the time you come back, I won't be ready for love. I think its best that we take things slow and see how it progress. I would not rush into love no more, I learn my lesson. When I feel that strong bond/connection/chemistry/passion from both of us, than I can say that we are in a serious relationship. lol I'm trying to compromise with you the best way I can. I want us to have a healthy friendship/relationship sooner or later... That would be the goal for 2010... Anyways, I hope you get better.
I promise you, I will not bug in no more, I hate doing that lol.
Well, take care.
Sorry about the long message. I just need to clear my head for once.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- DO YOU THINK HE WILL GET TURN OFF BY THIS MESSAGE OR TURN ON? IS THIS MESSAGE CONTROLLING TO YOU OR ASSERTIVE?
I love a girl who tells me what she wants.. instead of expecting me to read her mind.
Assertive yes. Rude no. A lot of women who claim to be assertive are really just plain rude and don't understand the difference. A lot of this is seen in divorced women, with a chip on their shoulder, who treat all men (most of whom are decent) as if they are like the jerk they stupidly married.
Perhaps they really don't want to associate with men and this gives them more reasons.
An assertive woman knows what she wants and is interested in making it happen, but NOT at any cost. She's smart and isn't interested in beating around the bush with games.
Aggressive -- less so.
Aggressive women can begin with assertiveness but carry it to a pushy level, determined to get their way -- and I'm willing to compromise to He** and back, but I'm not interested in being anyone's doormat.
Aggressive women often feel they have a point to prove to someone and it can go one of two ways: Either they get the idea I'm willing to compromise and we can work together after that because I AM the kind of man who's willing to listen, or they escalate things to belligerence.
Belligerent -- not at all.
Ditto. Nothing like an assertive woman but one that knows when to let me handle business as a man.
Many modern women THINK belligerence is assertiveness, when in fact it's just bullying. And trust me, I WILL NOT be bullied by men or women. Women like this can kiss my arse on their way to He**.
Ditto. Nothing like an assertive woman but one that knows when to let me handle business as a man.
I admired my wife for five years before I ever asked her out because she was assertive, strong and while not "in-your-face," didn't put up with guff from anyone. She's still that way and I appreciate the honesty. I always have.
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