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I want to be more assertive and more in charge without trying too be too revolving around myself. What are your suggestions for improvement, or should I really not change myself?
Granted, I don't want to try and be someone I'm not, but I want to be able to leave my comfort zone and be more in control around women
If you're asking for advice on how to be assertive, you're kinda missing the point.
Aka, you just do it.
Being assertive means you have an opinion, and right or wrong, approved or not, you express it. It doesn't mean you are rude or aggressive, it just means you do not hesitate in the face of possible criticism or mistake.
So, for example:
Not being assertive: You were in the bathroom, and I didn't know what you wanted to drink. So I waited.
Being assertive: You were in the bathroom, and I remembered you said you liked wine, so I ordered you a glass of chardonney.
Oh I have no problem with eye contact >_> I've eyed a lot of women and some have eyed me
So in a nutshell, is the same as speaking your mind to someone without being rude or over the top?
Although, I have a question about your example scarmig. What if it's someone I just met and we went out on a date and just getting acquainted, if I didn't know what she had wanted, do I still make a suggestion or would that be too risky?
My suggestion is ...
Do not change yourself for other people OR think that perhaps it will entice someone to take more interest in you. Those are the wrong reasons!!! Not only will you not be true to yourself, but to the other person either.
I applaud the fact that you have considered to make changes to your personality...
The key is balance and sometimes that's difficult to distinguish how the other person may interpret it.
Give it a try...be a little more assertive and more in charge (without revolving too much around yourself). "Nothing ventured...nothing gained"
As, Tony Robbins says "Stop the insanity. If you keep doing what you are doing and don't like the results that you're getting...then change what you're doing" - It's just that SIMPLE!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Croye22
I want to be more assertive and more in charge without trying too be too revolving around myself. What are your suggestions for improvement, or should I really not change myself?
Granted, I don't want to try and be someone I'm not, but I want to be able to leave my comfort zone and be more in control around women
I don't think I have too much of a problem, but it's more on the lines of me not flat out saying something rather than beat around the bush with it.
that's really the only thing about myself that I wanted to improve. there's a few others, but they're for my own benefit rather than someone else's.
so if I'm in a conversation with a girl, it's ok to talk about similar stories, but not necessary focus it on myself?
For example:
Girl: Ooh, you should go see New Moon
Me: (In my head) You've got to be kidding me, right?
: (Actual words) Well, I've seen trailers of it and all, and it does seem interesting. I definitely may go see it.
Like I'd instantly agree on it rather than just give my opinion since i didn't want the girl to think i'm a jerk :P
Try taking a more playful approach. You can still get your point across with a warm smile and asking some sincere questions to get to know the person you are intersted in. No need to be in total control, need some give and take.
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