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Hi members of the 60% us divorce club...I'm a very congenial professional person, recently dating (again) after 6± years of a bad marriage.I've met some nice guys, but ...several issues, incl sex performace anxiety...I don't judge, feel bad for anyone who has issues... but can anyone enlighten me on how common these issues are? I'm not a man-hater and am sure women have these probs...but I'm a woman and need a man with hopefully a healthy libido...!!!Thanks in advance for any thoughts, I don't judge, I've just noticed as many sheltered men (30-45 age gp.) Don't know how to start a new relationship....
Guys have their share of insecurities too. They just don't talk about them much. They wonder if trying to date after a bad marriage will work. Can they compete with the younger hardbodies. Do they have enough hair? Are they sexually adequate. I think it just takes a while to get over all the pain and realize it's OK to be who you are. Is there anyone out there for them and is it worth the effort? It takes time to figure out who they are and what they want.
There are men out there who are amazing and worth knowing. In and out of the bedroom. Keep on looking. He's out there. Promise.
Hi members of the 60% us divorce club...I'm a very congenial professional person, recently dating (again) after 6± years of a bad marriage.I've met some nice guys, but ...several issues, incl sex performace anxiety...I don't judge, feel bad for anyone who has issues... but can anyone enlighten me on how common these issues are? I'm not a man-hater and am sure women have these probs...but I'm a woman and need a man with hopefully a healthy libido...!!!Thanks in advance for any thoughts, I don't judge, I've just noticed as many sheltered men (30-45 age gp.) Don't know how to start a new relationship....
Very common is unfortunately your answer. The men you're talking about are many times just as "damaged goods" as women in similar situations are stereotypically portrayed. It's just going to be something you'll have to expect and deal with. Don't fret though... there's a lot of wonderful people "out there" and someday you'll find your ideal match.
it can cause problems, and often in the ways you would least expect.
i have come across issues, some serious, some minor.
make sure you can talk to your new partner effectively, if you have issues, share them.
make sure that your partner understands. if they understand, then you can deal with them together.
be prepared for the fact that they may not always like what they hear. also, neither may you.
there may be things about yourself which you find out that you don't like. depending how acrimonious your divorce was, it's difficult not to be made harder by it. it can come across as cold to a new partner.
it may mean slight changes for a while as you grow into each other, but you will learn to adapt, and compromise.
if you work at it, and address the issues, you will be fine. just be cautious not to let a minor issue build up into a major one.
good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey
Hi members of the 60% us divorce club...I'm a very congenial professional person, recently dating (again) after 6± years of a bad marriage.I've met some nice guys, but ...several issues, incl sex performace anxiety...I don't judge, feel bad for anyone who has issues... but can anyone enlighten me on how common these issues are? I'm not a man-hater and am sure women have these probs...but I'm a woman and need a man with hopefully a healthy libido...!!!Thanks in advance for any thoughts, I don't judge, I've just noticed as many sheltered men (30-45 age gp.) Don't know how to start a new relationship....
It is worth the effort, but take your time and hold something of yourself back until you know this new person. The best tool is talking things over, this needs an openess in the relationship. Sexual performance is just an exercise until there is emotion tied to it. Once the caring has started to develop the sexual aspect becomes an expression of the caring rather than a "must do" performance. Every new partner brings a different set of experiences but all of us being human have a need to be treated with gentleness and respect. My own motto is "first do no harm" not to yourself or the other person", the rest follows with honesty and communication. Good luck!!!! It is worth the effort to find the one who makes you smile
Hi members of the 60% us divorce club...I'm a very congenial professional person, recently dating (again) after 6± years of a bad marriage.I've met some nice guys, but ...several issues, incl sex performace anxiety...I don't judge, feel bad for anyone who has issues... but can anyone enlighten me on how common these issues are? I'm not a man-hater and am sure women have these probs...but I'm a woman and need a man with hopefully a healthy libido...!!!Thanks in advance for any thoughts, I don't judge, I've just noticed as many sheltered men (30-45 age gp.) Don't know how to start a new relationship....
It's frustrating when you are out searching again...realize that you may need to go on 20 dates to find the kind of guy you are looking for and then perhaps you won't be quite his type.
Sex gets better with practice and experience with your partner so if you like the guy then give it some time and work at it.
Me personally, dates where there was chemistry and we got a little flirty etc. wound up getting second and third dates and later the sex came naturally and was excellent. So, if the guy is showing a little flirt etc. it might be a sign he's got some drive?
Best of luck, I was dating in the same age range you described and 3-4x a week is a minimum.
I know it will take time,the upside now is that I am really not bitter,got rid of a substance abuser trying to pull me down into his hell...also I am taking my time and really don't want marriage after all I survived.
I know it will take time,the upside now is that I am really not bitter,got rid of a substance abuser trying to pull me down into his hell...also I am taking my time and really don't want marriage after all I survived.
Good luck, sounds like you just haven't found a decent guy yet. Keep looking, also consider what you can do to improve your chances in terms of how and where you are looking.
One of the book that helped me get some perspective about women and how they think of sex is Sheet Music by Lehman.
You're looking to find out about "sex performance anxiety" from men you're dating now? How often, or how long are you with the new guy to determine that your perception is quite accurate?
And considering you just got out of a bad marriage, how far apart are you from the divorce that your current perception is clouded by bad experience of the marriage?
Anyway, the book was a good read that encourages couples to talk about what they sex life together. And in doing so improves with practice, but it has to be from a committed relationship.
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