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Without getting into the details, my boyfriend of 14 months proposed to me last week (ring and all) and I said no, explaining that Im not ready at this point in time to make that type of commitment (Im 25). He understands my reasoning, but I guess my question is... I think I may have crushed him, hes understandably been distant since. Is there any way to recover from this? I love him a lot and want to be with him but I'm hesitant about marrying him at this point in time.
There isn't much you can do. He has to come to terms with the rejection... and he may or may not do that. If you really want to keep him you have to double your efforts in maintaining the relationship
I don't understand why if you love him, you couldn't just have a very long engagement. That way you know when you're ready, you can finally get married, unless you think you'll never be ready, then that's a different story.
I agree. Instead of just flat out saying no, maybe you should revisit the conversation with him and accept his proposal with conditions that are mutually acceptable. You said you want to be with him. Does that mean you can see yourself with him for the rest of your life? If so, maybe you should've accepted the engagement after making sure he understood that you don't want to actually get married until [insert date or age].
what did you expect him to be like after telling him you don't want to marry the guy??? personally I would of dropped you like a hot potato-- most likely he told his buds and family he was gonna pop the question--- lets us know when he does
I agree with all above posts....if you can see yourself marrying him, just not right away, then you have a lot of work to do to try and make him have that understanding.
He's becoming distant and pulling away because you're going to lose him. He loves you enough to get married and you turned him down. That's maybe one of the worst things you can do to a man. He is thinking every day when he wakes up about what you did and that he needs to get over you and move on since you told him you don't want to marry him.
If you don't make it clear soon how you truly feel, you can kiss him goodbye.
I have made it clear to him on numerous occasions that I do not see myself getting married before my mid 30's. I was blind-sided by the proposal since we did talk at lengths about waiting. His reasoning for the proposal was that since we've moved in together and things have been going well it was (in his mind) the next logical step.
The last time we discussed marriage (and I told him I see myself being with him) I told him I would feel rushed if I got married anytime in the next 5 years or so.
I do not want to accept an engagement ring when it may be 5-10 years or possibly more before Im ready to get married.
I have made it clear to him on numerous occasions that I do not see myself getting married before my mid 30's. While this might change I was blind-sided by the proposal since we did talk at lengths about waiting. His reasoning for the proposal is that since we've moved in together and things have been going well it was (in his mind) the next logical step.
The last time we discussed marriage (and I told him I see myself being with him) I told him I would feel rushed if I got married anytime in the next 5 years or so.
I do not want to accept an engagement ring when it may be 5-10 years or possibly more before Im ready to get married.
I never understood the reasoning behind puting an age number on when to get married....I feel like the right time to get married comes as a feeling, and notion. Not an age. Things like how you feel about him, what you want from him, your trust, your future...those are things you should put into your decision, not age.
But hey, to each their own.
I would just explain to him you are not looking for the same things. He wants to take the next step and you want to stay where you are. It's not good to compromise this situation as it would mean one of you would have to go against your gut feeling, and I don't personally believe in doing that. It may cause more problems in the future.
I think it's his turn to make a decision. He needs to decide whether he can be with you anymore, and he's becoming distant as he needs time to figure that out. Just don't be surprised if he walks.
The damage is done. He told people he was proposing to you. I say stick to your guns. Yes, have a conversation with him, but don't commit to anything. Convey your concerns on early marriage.
Your feelings are more important, than his. This isn't about him. It's about the two of you. It's YOUR decision about your life.
I wish I would've listen to the "inner voice". I would've call off the wedding. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Good Luck.
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