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There's been a lot of conversation lately about where to meet good people for dating.. I decided to make a list to try to give people some ideas.. Feel free to add to it.
Volunteer (Good if you're shy): This is one of the best ways to meet people.. Think about it, you work together with a group of people for the common good. Since you are working together, it's much easier to carry on conversations with people you've never met. I've met a lot of great people through working for Habitat for Humanity, and got quite a few dates as well.
Take a class (Good if you're shy): I once took a creative writing class, and I met more people there than I would have imagined. Find something that interests you, and go for it.
Join a group (Good if you're shy): There are clubs for everything; Photography, Gardening, Acting (both beginner and advanced), Politics, Books, Art, Dance, etc. These are all great places to meet people that share the same interests as you.
Find a hobby: Join a bowling league, or learn to fly airplanes. Once you find a hobby, then it's easy to find people that enjoy doing the same things as you.
Join a Health club or Gym: To me, this one's obvious. But, a word of caution here - when introducing yourself, don't come across as being "creepy", just be natural and let the conversation go where it will.
Try Yoga, Tai Chi, etc: Same as above..
Play a sport (Good if you're shy): I used to be in a co-ed softball legue... It was something set up by local businesses, and ended up being a major thing. Everyone was welcomed there, even if you didn't know the first thing about playing softball. There are groups all over like this. These are people who are just out to have fun, and if you're into sports, find something you enjoy and give it a go.
Run a marathon, ride a bike, go hiking: You get two things out of this, first, you stay healthy, second, you meet great people.
Through friends(Good if you're shy): So, you know someone who knows someone who knows someone.. make friends with that someone.
Go to Museums(Good if you're shy): This is another great place to meet people - just strike up a conversation about an interesting exhibit, or ask a question.
Coffee Shops: Grab a cup of java, sit down, and start talking to the person next to you. It's almost expected.
Cafe's, resturaunts, etc: With this one, you have to use a little caution. If there's a group of people together and they are obviously not interested in outside company, stay away. But, in a lot of these places, especially the locally owned cafe's, it's easy to strike up a conversation with the person sitting close to you.
Libraries/Book stores(Good if you're shy): Ask for a good book suggestion, or suggest a book, or talk about a book, or just say hi.
Art Galleries(Good if you're shy): Same as museums - strike up a conversation about an interesting exhibit.
Block parties, city events, local events, fairs, etc.: Especially in smaller towns.. these are events that are meant to draw people together. I used to love going to Shakespeare in the Park on weekends - there were always a lot of beautiful ladies there that was interested in more than a one night stand.
Local concerts, chamber music, etc: Sit down next to someone you don't know. When the musicians take a break, start up a conversation.
Community Centers(Good if you're shy): There's always something going on at these places, from classes to sports, just ask the attendant for a schedule of events.
The local park: Always a good place to meet people, especially if it's a large park with plenty of things to do.
Buy a dog: Ok, this one is kinda cheesy, but I had to throw it in here. I mean, seriously, how many women have you met that don't like dogs? This works for the women too; if a man is a dog lover, he's bound to come over and say hi.
Go horseback riding: I don't know what it is about this, but everytime that I've ever gone, I've always met someone.
Go to Wine Tastings(Good if you're shy): ...but don't drink too much! This is another one of those places where it's easy to start a conversation. Just ask for an opinion, it's that easy.
Join a singles group(Good if you're shy): It works, but it's not high on my priority list. The few people that I've known that have gone to these things said they usually only meet "desperate" people.. still worth a shot though.
Go Skydiving, hang-gliding, para-sailing, etc: For you adrenaline junkies.. You get to do something that very few people have done, meet interesting people, and have plenty of stories to share.
Go to seminars, conventions, etc.: I'm not talking about those Star-Trek conventions, although you can meet people at those.. I'm talking about more serious things here. I've gone to a few writing seminars and a couple writing conventions and have met decent people there. It just depends on what you're in to.
Join a business association: Great minds think alike, right? I've known a few people that's had luck here, although I would never do it personally.
High school/college reunions: Get in touch with an old flame, or make a new one.
Get a new job, or a part-time job(Good if you're shy): I usually don't reccomend dating people that you work with, but there are times that it's worth it. Even if you don't meet anyone really outstanding, you'll make new friends. (See, through friends)
Travel: Go on a cruise, meet beautiful women, put suntan lotion on them. Ok, maybe it's not quite that easy, but it is easy to meet people while you're abroad. Just remember though, these relationships are usually (very) short term.. but at least you get to see the world!
Cultural events(Good if you're shy): This is another one of those great places - especially if you have a strong cultural background.
Parent organizations, playgrounds, children's museums, etc: Face it, there's a lot of single parents out there, and most of them are good people that have just gone through rough times. Children are always easy to talk about.
Go to church: ...but only if you're religious. I think this one is obvious.
Online(Good if you're shy): Online dating has become so mainstream that it's normal to meet people from the internet. Some people have great luck with this, others don't.. either way, it's worth a try.
There are two big rules here:
Talk to everyone: You can meet someone anywhere you go. Just be yourself, and be friendly. I make it a rule that if someone is within five steps of me, I acknowledge them in some way - be it a simple smile or a grand "hello!". Just by acknowledging someone, it makes them feel comfortable with you, and they'll respond.
Get out and do something that you love: You don't meet people by staying home and watching T.V. all night. If you want to meet someone, you have to do something. If you want to meet someone who's a good match for you, find someone that enjoys doing the same things you do - you're chances at finding a good match are much greater than if you just go places to meet people. We're not talking about one nighters here, we're talking about meeting people for serious relationships.
I wish you the best!
Hi UrbanBlasphemy,
And the moral of the story is to socially network. People know people you might want to know.
I took an art class, went to Weight Watchers, art gallery, writing club, celiac club, hearing impairment club, went to poetry club, was in church for short time, I believe I have "tried" very hard. But for whatever reason the people in this more affluent town not going to give me a chance, becuase I am disabled. Ive had wealthy fruiends so I do not get it. Its like I am a walking human pariah, I have found it very upsetting. Acouple neighbors said this toiwn is very closeknit and does not let outsiders in. I noticed that when I went to groups. I never let being disabled or anything hold me back before but the rejection here has hurt me and now I do not know what to do.
I started off with a positive attitude too and thought I would meet a lot of people.
Now Im depressed so now no one is going to want to get to know me because of that. So its a vicious cycle, but I started off very hopeful and thought well these things worked in my previous community why not this one? I do have to face some major health problems and being housebound in poor weather, but I WAS able to work around those things in my former community.
I have to work around the weather, but I may try two more clubs, a political group and new church. AFter that dont know how things will go.
Last edited by WheredoIlive?; 11-20-2009 at 10:35 AM..
Good advice UB.
It was a lot easier when I was younger. Older people seem closed off to new friends, though. A lot of people have cliques and will not let you break through.
It's unfortunate, but you're right.. I've been through that several times - everytime I've moved in fact.. This list was aimed more at dating, but it works for everything..
The way I look at it, if these people don't want me as a friend then they are the ones that lose out, not me. I just keep plucking away, until I find a place where I can be myself and meet good friends that accept me for who I am.
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Originally Posted by virgode
Urban you should start publishing your advice, seriously.
Considered it, but then reconsidered. When I was going through the things I went through, there was nobody there to help me. I would rather be able to help people one-on-one and tailor things to their specific needs rather than make blanket posts that may not help anyone. Still, it's an option, I just wouldn't know the best way to do it..
Thanks for giving me a big head!
Quote:
Originally Posted by gwynedd1
Hi UrbanBlasphemy,
And the moral of the story is to socially network. People know people you might want to know.
Exactly. You can meet people anywhere, as long as you put yourself out there.
When I first moved here, I didn't know anyone - which is normal, because usually if it's the first time you've ever been to a town.. er.. anyway.. I did a few things on the list there and it didn't take long to make good friends.
And the internet is an amazing thing.. While I'm not big into online dating, I have made good friends through the internet. A couple years ago, I made a post on craigslist looking for jazz musicians looking for a drummer. I had so many calls that it astounded me. Most of the people that I talked to, I became friends with, even though I don't play with them.
It's just putting yourself out there.. If you don't do anything, nothing happens.
It's unfortunate, but you're right.. I've been through that several times - everytime I've moved in fact.. This list was aimed more at dating, but it works for everything..
The way I look at it, if these people don't want me as a friend then they are the ones that lose out, not me. I just keep plucking away, until I find a place where I can be myself and meet good friends that accept me for who I am.
That is good atttidue that you keep plucking away.
Dont give up. If you are young and healthy especially you can find someone.
I dont know if Ive quit, Ive been disappointed a lot. How do you deal with the disappointment?
Quote:
And the internet is an amazing thing.. While I'm not big into online dating, I have made good friends through the internet. A couple years ago, I made a post on craigslist looking for jazz musicians looking for a drummer. I had so many calls that it astounded me. Most of the people that I talked to, I became friends with, even though I don't play with them.
I have tons of friends from the internet, some of my internet friendships are 10 years old, and we talk on phone daily. I wish I did as well IRL as I did on the internet.
Quote:
It's just putting yourself out there.. If you don't do anything, nothing happens.
That is a good idea to have. Even if you face rejection you only need 1 or 2 people to befriend.
I DEFINITELY agree with getting a dog! Since I got mine I've met more amazing people than I've ever met in my life, some even on here! I love meeting fellow dog owners out on the street when Beesley and I go on walks, or even in class or at the pet store. I'm taking him to a dog event in town tomorrow, and I'm sure I'm going to meet some great people there.
I took an art class, went to Weight Watchers, art gallery, writing club, celiac club, hearing impairment club, went to poetry club, was in church for short time, I believe I have "tried" very hard. But for whatever reason the people in this more affluent town not going to give me a chance, becuase I am disabled. Ive had wealthy fruiends so I do not get it. Its like I am a walking human pariah, I have found it very upsetting. Acouple neighbors said this toiwn is very closeknit and does not let outsiders in. I noticed that when I went to groups. I never let being disabled or anything hold me back before but the rejection here has hurt me and now I do not know what to do.
I started off with a positive attitude too and thought I would meet a lot of people.
Now Im depressed so now no one is going to want to get to know me because of that. So its a vicious cycle, but I started off very hopeful and thought well these things worked in my previous community why not this one? I do have to face some major health problems and being housebound in poor weather, but I WAS able to work around those things in my former community.
Do you all think there is a point where a person should just cut their losses and move? or does the problem rest with them?
I am not sure what to do anymore about any of this. I am calling for a homehealth aide and companion aide monday, to help myself/.[called today but they were at a meeting]
I don't know why this is, but you make a good point here.
People with disabilities are no different than anyone else, but it does seem that they have a harder time meeting people.. I think that a lot of people without any kind of disability are a little scared of it, which is sad. Actually, it pisses me off.
Back when I was in college, there was a lady that lived in my apartment that had problems. I don't remember what her disease was called, but she was tiny - not "short person" tiny, more like malnourished. She had lost her legs, and was wheelchair bound for life. I was always polite, but I never took time to get to know her. One day, her wheelchair slipped off the side of the sidewalk and she was having problems moving, so I went over to help her out.
I ended up spending the day with her. I'll tell ya this, she was one of the smartest, funniest people I ever met. She never once let things slow her down. She died a few years ago, and I miss her dearly. She taught me a lot about life that I would have missed out on if I had never stopped to help.
Anyway, that's really not the point of this. I really can't answer your questions, as I've never had to deal with it.. but if I were to speculate, I'd say that it's partially you and partially your environment. Some places are just simply harder to live in than others. I've noticed this with small towns where everyone already knows everyone else. Unless you grew up there, they are a little more hesitant to accept you. But, once you find one good friend, then they introduce you to another, and so on down the line.
If I was in your place, I would just keep trying.. keep on living your life and doing the best you can. Keep going different places, and pick a few that you really like and go there often. The more people see you around, the more likely they will be able to accept you. I think I'd give it a year, and if things didn't start looking up, I would move on. The only concern I have with moving is this: If you move, what's to say that the next place won't be the same? It's something to think about..
Oh, and I took dancing lessons through the city. It was super cheap ($33 for 8 weeks), and I still talk to a few fellow dancers to this day, even though it was about 2 years ago.
I don't know why this is, but you make a good point here.
People with disabilities are no different than anyone else, but it does seem that they have a harder time meeting people.. I think that a lot of people without any kind of disability are a little scared of it, which is sad. Actually, it pisses me off.
Thanks, I am glad to hear that. I do think there are places too where disabled are more accepted. I also do have a hearing impairment, I can have conversations one on one, but it adds difficulty. [read lips] I may and try and find disabled group or maybe ask counselor for a self help group when weather is warmer and I can make it out.
Quote:
Back when I was in college, there was a lady that lived in my apartment that had problems. I don't remember what her disease was called, but she was tiny - not "short person" tiny, more like malnourished. She had lost her legs, and was wheelchair bound for life. I was always polite, but I never took time to get to know her. One day, her wheelchair slipped off the side of the sidewalk and she was having problems moving, so I went over to help her out.
I ended up spending the day with her. I'll tell ya this, she was one of the smartest, funniest people I ever met. She never once let things slow her down. She died a few years ago, and I miss her dearly. She taught me a lot about life that I would have missed out on if I had never stopped to help.
Wow that sounds great, I am glad you helped her. A lot of my other friends IVe met online and elsewhere are disabled and they are great people. I have one favorite friend in Oregon who is an artist and very smart. I am so glad youve had that experience. You can meet wonderful people. I am open to meeting other disabled people, wheelchair bound or not. {I am not wheelchair bound, walk with cane}
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Anyway, that's really not the point of this. I really can't answer your questions, as I've never had to deal with it.. but if I were to speculate, I'd say that it's partially you and partially your environment. Some places are just simply harder to live in than others. I've noticed this with small towns where everyone already knows everyone else. Unless you grew up there, they are a little more hesitant to accept you. But, once you find one good friend, then they introduce you to another, and so on down the line.
I did well in my last small town, and the thing where everyone knowing everyone else helped me. I had going away dinners even when I left at my alst church and one other place. The community has died out and many people have left, so when people ask why dont you just go back, the same people are not there anymore and two friends are trying to leave. Some towns are more closeknit and harder to meet people in, you are right about that. I need more laid back people too, hard driving corporate types and I are not going to connect. I hung out with activitists, elderly people, artists and those involved in the community in my last town.
Thanks for telling me to keep trying. Yes I am going to keep living life and doing best I can. I may be more housebound over winter, but will try and get out on days I can get out on, and maybe try a new church, I was googling for new ones. [the last church had died anyhow going from 30 people to 8 within a year] and I had a wouldbe friend die there. Ive decided I will give it a little more time. I know I have worried too about what if I move and its the same in the next place? Ive had that thought too! Thanks for your advice. You give positive advice to people and I like that, as to what they should do. I may bake cookies for Christmas and take them to a couple neighbors or at least some cards.
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