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I stopped reading this thread midway through. Most people seem to be confused about the meaning of "emotional affair."
There are many components of a romantic relationship. The physical is but one. There is also a spiritual connection. There is an intimacy separate from the physical intimacy. There is a deep emotional bond. All of these components create unity. You stop being two individuals and become a couple. Your significant other is the person you turn to for EVERYTHING. When you need someone to talk to, you go to them. When you need help. You go to them. When you need a shoulder to cry on, you go to them. When you are in trouble, you go to them. Why them? Because they are you! Because you are THEM! You are A COUPLE. Not a me. A we. You are intimately connected so much that you know that they will not judge you, that no matter what happens they will be there for you. If you don't have that in your relationship, then your relationship isn't complete.
Adultery, whether sexual or emotional, short circuits all of that. Any time you turn to someone other than your significant other to meet your needs, you are committing adultery. Period. You break that bond.
You can't control how you feel. You can't control who your heart leans towards. If you could, there would be no such thing as heartbreak; because we could always chose not to love and feel betrayed by the person who hurt us.
But you CAN control whether or not you unzip your fly or undo your bra when you're with someone.
If you find yourself behaving inappropriately (having a long intimate conversation) with someone other than your significant other (you don't have to be married to have an emotional affair) then the next time you get the opportunity you avoid it. Don't put yourself in the position to encourage the adulterous relationship. You go to your S.O. You tell them what happened.
Emotional adultery does not necessarily include romantic feelings. In fact it usually does NOT. You can have an emotional adulterous relationship with someone of the same sex. If you go to the other person to meet your emotional needs and ignore your spouse you are having an emotional affair.
If you find yourself behaving inappropriately (having a long intimate conversation) with someone other than your significant other (you don't have to be married to have an emotional affair) then the next time you get the opportunity you avoid it. Don't put yourself in the position to encourage the adulterous relationship. You go to your S.O. You tell them what happened.
Emotional adultery does not necessarily include romantic feelings. In fact it usually does NOT. You can have an emotional adulterous relationship with someone of the same sex. If you go to the other person to meet your emotional needs and ignore your spouse you are having an emotional affair.
I stopped reading this thread midway through. Most people seem to be confused about the meaning of "emotional affair."
There are many components of a romantic relationship. The physical is but one. There is also a spiritual connection. There is an intimacy separate from the physical intimacy. There is a deep emotional bond. All of these components create unity. You stop being two individuals and become a couple. Your significant other is the person you turn to for EVERYTHING. When you need someone to talk to, you go to them. When you need help. You go to them. When you need a shoulder to cry on, you go to them. When you are in trouble, you go to them. Why them? Because they are you! Because you are THEM! You are A COUPLE. Not a me. A we. You are intimately connected so much that you know that they will not judge you, that no matter what happens they will be there for you. If you don't have that in your relationship, then your relationship isn't complete.
Adultery, whether sexual or emotional, short circuits all of that. Any time you turn to someone other than your significant other to meet your needs, you are committing adultery. Period. You break that bond.
To be honest, I disagree. Basically, are you saying if I turn to my dad or my sister for a an emotional support, I commit an adultery? Sometimes, my husband and I have troubles and I can turn to my sister to just vent. We all need that. I don't disclose intimate details, but I can say that we are having troubles. I'm confused by your post.
Additionally you can have a very close female friend you confide in.
I guess I disagree with your understanding of emotional affair. I think on most cases it's very closely tied up to sexual attraction and romantic feelings towards one another. If the romantic feelings are not there, then it's not an affair.
I guess I disagree with your understanding of emotional affair. I think on most cases it's very closely tied up to sexual attraction and romantic feelings towards one another. If the romantic feelings are not there, then it's not an affair.
And that misunderstanding is why it's so confusing today and why it's such an epidemic. And it is an epidemic.
Your idea of emotional adultery is ROMANTIC adultery. Not necessarily sexual adultery and it's different than emotional adultery. It usually does include emotional adultery but emotional adultery doesn't necessarily include a romantic element. It is of course permissible to go to other people for problems and advice, especially when it's about your SO, but if it becomes routine, if you find yourself going to that person to get your emotional needs fulfilled and neglect your SO then you are cheating.
And that misunderstanding is why it's so confusing today and why it's such an epidemic. And it is an epidemic.
Your idea of emotional adultery is ROMANTIC adultery. Not necessarily sexual adultery and it's different than emotional adultery. It usually does include emotional adultery but emotional adultery doesn't necessarily include a romantic element. It is of course permissible to go to other people for problems and advice, especially when it's about your SO, but if it becomes routine, if you find yourself going to that person to get your emotional needs fulfilled and neglect your SO then you are cheating.
But the "romantic" part is what causes the most problems. I probably wouldn't be getting divorced if it was just that he liked talking to one of his guy friends more than he liked talking to me. It's would have been a weird quirk that I would have had to work around, but not a divorcable offense that cause him to loose his romantic connection to me.
An emotional affair drives and emotional wedge between you and the partner you committed to.
I posted a bit ago about a friend who just found out his wife has been having 2 hour a day converstations with an ex boyfriend. He's filing for divorce and I don't blame him. She's choosing to turn to another guy to have her emotional needs met. What's he supposed to do? I'd be PO'd if my dh did that. He'd be PO'd if I did it. You're either committed to the relationship or not.
But the "romantic" part is what causes the most problems. I probably wouldn't be getting divorced if it was just that he liked talking to one of his guy friends more than he liked talking to me. It's would have been a weird quirk that I would have had to work around, but not a divorcable offense that cause him to loose his romantic connection to me.
It's that they break the connection with you to form one with someone else that is the issue. We tend to connect to one person at time on an intimate level.
But the "romantic" part is what causes the most problems. I probably wouldn't be getting divorced if it was just that he liked talking to one of his guy friends more than he liked talking to me. It's would have been a weird quirk that I would have had to work around, but not a divorcable offense that cause him to loose his romantic connection to me.
I don't believe in emotional affairs as far as that the thing most people are calling emotional affairs are just SOs talking to or confiding in members of the opposite sex. The exact same conversations could be happening with same sex friends most of the time. To me an activity that takes away from our relationship is of equal detriment to a relationship. From spending to much time with guys, at work, clubbing, gambling, video games, at the bar, fishing, etc., etc. It seems someone will put up with all of these, but will not tolerate if it happens to involve a member of the opposite sex.
To give an example in my own relationship, when I first started dating my wife I used to alwas hang out with Ed, to the point if i was with her and d called up, I'd up and leave. She even started referring to Ed as my "girlfriend". Appropriate b/c the time I was spending with him was time that should've been hers.
Emotional adultery does not necessarily include romantic feelings. In fact it usually does NOT. You can have an emotional adulterous relationship with someone of the same sex. If you go to the other person to meet your emotional needs and ignore your spouse you are having an emotional affair.
I would not go that far. I think if you're going to someone else to meet your emotional needs and ignoring your spouse but there is no romantic feelings, it's certainly a sign that you have a major problem in your marriage... but personally, to me, no romantic feelings and no romantic intimacy = no affair.
Quote:
And that misunderstanding is why it's so confusing today and why it's such an epidemic. And it is an epidemic.
Your idea of emotional adultery is ROMANTIC adultery. Not necessarily sexual adultery and it's different than emotional adultery. It usually does include emotional adultery but emotional adultery doesn't necessarily include a romantic element. It is of course permissible to go to other people for problems and advice, especially when it's about your SO, but if it becomes routine, if you find yourself going to that person to get your emotional needs fulfilled and neglect your SO then you are cheating.
Why is it a misunderstanding? Why do YOU get to decide what defines an emotional affair? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and the only people who need to agree on what it means are an individual and their partner. If my husband and I both agree that a romantic affair and emotional affair are the same thing and that going to someone else to meet our emotional needs is a bad sign but not worthy of calling an "affair" - why do you care? How does it effect you in the slightest? As long as my husband and I are on the same page, your OPINION on what defines an emotional affair isn't really important... but you seem to be trying to force your opinion on everyone else as though it's a fact.
Last edited by PA2UK; 12-07-2009 at 06:22 AM..
Reason: typo
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